Prep-School Predators The Horace Mann School’s Secret History of Sexual Abuse

Parent Cafe
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<p>To me, one of the most important messages from the article is that when students reported incidents and the problem was dealt with promptly, the students were not traumatized. It’s students who were subjected to repeated harassment who suffered long-term harm.</p>

<p>I find this reassuring because it implies that school administrators do not need to have the superhuman ability to identify teachers who might engage in inappropriate behavior before it happens. Putting in place measures that will ensure a rapid and effective response if such behavior occurs seems to be good enough.</p>

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<p>^ I agree Marian, that was an important understanding to take from this. When abuse is reported and dealt with the victim has better chance of not being traumatized.</p>

<p>I was struck by this portion of the article;
"Phil Foote, the former head of school, told me that he didn’t know why Ben Balter’s mother “gave up so easily” in her quest to see Somary fired. “I always wondered why she didn’t pursue it,” he told me. “Maybe she just got defeated.” Sitting in his living room recently, I asked him why he himself didn’t try to remove Somary, or at least to investigate the charges more thoroughly. Why didn’t he go to the police? “The structure of H.M. was not easy,” he said. “There were groups and groups within groups. It was a time with different values and different systems. You didn’t have the access you do now. It was hubris. H.M. was sure it was above everybody else. Nobody wanted anything to change.”</p>

<p>I asked if he knew what became of Ben. He said no, then paused to study my face. “He committed suicide?” he guessed, before I could say it. He turned away and, staring into the middle distance, said, “Oh, my Lord.”</p>

<p>This was the head of the school who received the letter reporting sexual abuse from this young man and instead of recognizing his own appropriate lack of response to it, he implies the mother didn’t work hard enough to get Somary fired. Another example of blaming the victim and his reason, “there were groups within groups” huh??? what an inappropriate response to the question. </p>

<p>The article doesn’t mention, but it appears that none of these educators reported suspected abuse with the authorities, as they would have been required reporters. Thanks for the article DonnaL</p>

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<p>Line 'em up against the ivy-covered brick wall at Horace Mann and shoot them. Fine, use blanks, just to give the predators a bit of the same sense of dread that they subjected their pupils to.</p>

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<p>I think we are all beginning to see, if we have not seen already, that a lot more of this sort of abuse has and does happen. That it happened within the Catholic church was just one small part of the picture. It wasn’t and isn’t just priests doing this sort of thing, and not just the Church that was not addressing the issue, sweeping it under the rug, so to speak. Not that this vindicates what happened there.</p>

<p>It is a difficult thing to address, however. There are rights that anyone so suspected has. The accusation is one that can ruin a person even if it is untrue. There have been a number of cases where accusations were levied that were false. This sort of thing can turn into a witch hunt if it is not handled v-e-r-y carefully.</p>

<p>So here is a question. Your son, your legally adult child has been named as someone who has molested a child. he adamantly denies it. Replace “son” with husband, wife, daughter, trusted friend, long time employee, neighbor, teacher, father, mother, stranger. How should these things uniformly be handled to be fair to the accused and protect others and also address the violation to a child in case the accusation is true? There is often no real proof in these situations. What standard of proof should be needed for what level of action?</p>

<p>I found out recently that a young man whom I knew when he was a child who was friends with my oldest when they were little kids up to high school was so accused while teaching. There was insufficient evidence to get a criminal case, but he is truly ruined, and there is strong sentiment there that he did not do it.What this has done to him and his family is horrendous, if he truly did not do this and there is evidence that this is the case, but …yes, it is possible he did do it. </p>

<p>In the Horace Mann situation, it is not possible to legally prove that some of these predators did indeed molest children. There are families on both sides of this. Some of the accused are not here to present their case and make their denials. How should the school handle this? What burden of proof needs to be presented for something to be done, and what should be done? What would any of us do, if faced by someone from many years ago accusing us of molestation or other deed that is unprovable and not something we can disprove either. We can only deny and point to the lack of proof. Then what if another joins in the chorus? Suppose they both are mentally ill and claim that you contributed to their condition? </p>

<p>Some years ago, a swim coach I knew was accused of inappropriately touching some young girls. The guy was a “touchy-feely” type of guy, if you know what I mean, and I do believe that he crossed the line of personal space and should not have been touching people as much as he did. And he did so in the full view of any and every one. We all knew this. Then one young girl claimed he rubbed her breast, and a chorus of other preteens joined in sort of a giggly way. A parent picked up on this and immediately raised an alert. Though nothing was legally done, he was banned from all of the schools in the area and any of the swim teams. Now 18 years later, some of the girls who had said this, have come out and said they really did not believe that what happened was more than accidental contact and what happened was an overblown reaction. My kids won’t touch other kids now when teaching swimming or much of anything, due this sort of thing, and I guess that’s the way it has to be.</p>

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<p>And of course this happens in less affluent situations. Take a look at the Penn State scandal. Orphanages, big brother/sister programs, any place where a child is placed with an adult who has lone access creates a risk, and where there are such predators, they will take advantage. </p>

<p>DonnaL, that is a very high suicide rate in that short time. Over 200 in my oldest son’s graduating class and about 95 in my next two boys’. One suicide in the bunch, and no other deaths reported and they are all over age 21. I will be tracking another one who is age 19 right now, and so far no such issues with those who entered high school with him. Two of mine, by the way, went to Ivy League NY high schools like Horace Mann. How many kids have died, through any cause, who graduated from your son’s high school and even who attended there during those 4 years? Suicide is “catching” in that a case that when it occurs in ones’ social group, and the closer knit the more risk there is, the higher the risk is for others in that group. But that still is waaay high. </p>

<p>When the news of the young man who was in my one son’s graduating class, was released, it did cause a flurry of emotional and mental issues in that peer group. I know because I was working closely at the drug/psychiatric institute that is local to this group. I was told that this is very common and those kids who knew the young man who committed suicide and who were having emotional mental turmoils (common for young adults) were vulnerable and at high risk for destructive behavior including suicide, and, yes, there was that upbeat in those stats. But none of them killed themselves, nor have they yet. With internet connections the way they are, this is fairly certain, though in the next few years, I expect many of these young people will be gone to the four winds. </p>

<p>I went to my 35th college reunion, and there are 10 missing alums, but no one has been confirmed or is suspected of having committed suicide. Some deaths, but not that way. Some tragedies and some self destruction, mainly drug and drink related (and jerk related too). But no suicides unless they are in that group of 10.</p>

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<p>This went on at my high school, too. A young, dreamy teacher who picked out a senior girl each year. A teacher who arrived at our school married to a former student (for whom he’d left his first wife), and subsequently left his second wife for a student at our school. The chorus teacher who left her job and family to follow her boyfriend (a student) to college.</p>

<p>These were out in the open. The relationships (that we knew of) were consensual. No one was particularly horrified. It was a different time.</p>

<p>I now realize that nothing’s ever truly consensual when there is a power differential like that. I realized it in retrospect, recalling the year I was vying to be the senior girl who caught the dreamy creative writing teacher’s eye.</p>

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<p>One of my SIL’s has a sister who married a teacher at her high school. SHe was 18 and pregnant; he was 35 years old. That was more than 30 years ago. Now he is the superintendent of schools for his area and a big wig in education. They have 5 kids and are still married. THese sort of things have happened forever. I think child abuse and molestation has been something that has been going on for a long time too. Doesn’t make it right, even when things all work out in the end. But how should things be handled? What burden of proof is needed? What safeguards to put in place? And what this Horace Mann article and what DonnaL has brought up, is how should those who say they were so abused be treated now? What to do when this is brought up, years after the fact? What to do with the accused? How should the accusers be treated? </p>

<p>There is still a huge elephant in the room when the subject of abuse arises. It takes access, trust, opportunity, lone time to abuse and molest. What better place than the home? Most molestations and abuses have taken place in the home from what I have seen in the stats in treatment centers for those having emotional, behavioural and mental problems.</p>

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<p>Ppl don’t talk about boy scouts but I wonder. “One time at scout camp…” One way to deal w/ experience is to talk about it. Honestly I credit Oprah with getting ppl to talk about this stuff. Once you start to talk about it ppl realize they are not alone, they did not bring it onto themselves, they can move on, and if we name it and talk about it we can perhaps stop the cycle of violence. People who have been molested do not need to hide it and keep it secret. They are not the guilty ones. It is surprising how common this behavior is.</p>

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<p>Oh, people DO talk about boy scouts. There has been a lot of litigation and a lot of reports of abuse.</p>

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<p>It has become very clear that one cannot trust anyone alone with children. Not even other children There is molestation–often called experimentation among children as well.</p>

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<p>And now Tek Lin, one of my very favorite teachers (I had him for 10th grade English), who is now 88 years old, has admitted having sex with students. From the front page of today’s New York Times:</p>

<p><a href=“Tek Young Lin, Ex-Horace Mann Teacher, Says He Had Sex With Students - The New York Times”>Tek Young Lin, Ex-Horace Mann Teacher, Says He Had Sex With Students - The New York Times;

<p>I had heard rumors about him recently, but had hoped they weren’t true. Damn.</p>

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<p>The quotes in that article are mind boggling (to me). I won’t even quote the quotes. Just go see for yourself.</p>

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<p>Wow. Yeah- he “might have crossed a line.”</p>

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<p>seems many of the comments in the NYT re: the article reflect a minimization of the issue and tries to paint him with a different brush than Sandusky. I hear his own story as strikingly similar to Sandusky’s. He is hiding behind his supposed warmth and gentleness claiming it was all rainbows and sunshine, and doesn’t understand how anyone even remembers…yep same abuse of power and same narcissism.</p>

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<p>I agree, myturnnow. His statements are mind-boggling.</p>

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<p>It’s all very disconcerting. I had nothing but positive memories of him, and thoughts about him. Until now.</p>

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<p>I went to an affluent high school in the 80’s…</p>

<p>Our science teacher, 6’6 and 300 pounds, got angry at one of the students, a young male student. He grabbed him from the desk and threw him behind the door to the classroom.
Then, with all his weight, he pounded the door with his body and the door kept hitting the kid over and over again… We all sat there. No one tried to make a run for it and go the administration. And no one ever reported him. Abuse comes in many shapes.</p>