<p>…that is by far the best - fewer emotional ripples. I think parents should adopt a flexible attitude (or as flexible as their finances allow) because the “who am I, what do I want, where should I go?” quest is unique to each individual. </p>
<p>I tried to “program” my son to take the ‘quality within financial limits’ approach. He applied to a number of merit aid-offering schools, but he also applied to non-merit-aid schools. I told him that if he wanted to attend a non-merit aid school, we’d have to consider it carefully and run the actual numbers when we got them. I didn’t promise that he could go wherever he wanted without regard to financial considerations. </p>
<p>After the merit offers came in, he re-visited several colleges that he considered to be possible destinations, finally (!) taking the decision process seriously. In our last discussion, the light in his eyes when he talked about his first choice did it for me. </p>
<p>I want to say to parents in the pre-decision cycle that your initial priorities can change. For years before D-Day arrived, I was working my PLAN, based on the ‘artistic combination’ of quality education with merit aid, like many other parents on CC. But the subjective reality on the Day of Decision - my son’s very strong preference, which became clear to him only at the very end of the line - altered my best-laid plans in the blink of an eye.</p>