<p>If he goes in to the higher ranked school with an attitude of “I don’t want to be here,” he will view any difficulties as worse than he would in a school he wanted to attend. Top 50 schools are still excellent schools with opportunities for high achieving kids.</p>
<p>Student chiming in here:
I chose University of Maryland (CP) over Johns Hopkins after being accepted to both and thinking of Hopkins as my dream school for most of high school.</p>
<p>Once getting to the area, I didn’t regret my decision at all. The first week I was here I heard about how often girls get roofied at Hopkins parties (that kind of stuff isn’t in the brochures).
A few weeks ago, I was doing some last minute orgo review with a friend and it came up that we had both turned down Hopkins in favor of Maryland. She told me how a friend of her had made the other choice and how nobody studied or worked together on anything. The libraries copies of Organic Chemistry text books and other reference books had been stolen and people refused to answer the most innane questions about the subject.
Her friend was miserable because every assignment or test was this cutthroat competition where people would rather cheat and steal than help a person who is their friend otherwise.</p>
<p>The nerdy thing was another reason for my choice. A friend who’s girlfriend goes to Hopkins goes to visit her and they just sleep (actual sleeping, they are both very conservative Christians) because there is literally nothing else to do on the weekends.</p>
<p>Just my two cents, I’m sure they’re different schools than the one’s I mentioned, but the rankings are very similar so I thought it was relevant.</p>
<p>"I know one kid who chose Cornel solely based on rankings (“best school he got into”). It was his choosing, not his parents, but the only factor he considered was the ranking.
The school turned out to be a terrible fit - too big and impersonal, the weather too cold and gloomy, etc. As a result he did poorly enough the first year that transfer was not an option. He ended up graduating after 6 or 7 years with a less-than optimal GPA, after taking leave of absence due to depression twice, and finishing the last semester through on-line classes because he just could not bring himself to go back there.
I am pretty sure that a lower ranked school with better fit would have been a much smarter choice in his case. "</p>
<p>I also know of a kid who went to Cornell, an extremely bright girl, who hated it so much after she got there (and she was doing perfectly well in her classes) she transferred after her first semester to Binghamton, which she loves. </p>
<p>She went to Cornell because it was the best school she was accepted into. </p>
<p>When her mom was telling some people she heard back, “how could you let her do that!”</p>
<p>She told me they didn’t get that it was more important to her that her daughter was happy at school then what school she was at. </p>
<p>She is a very bright kid and I doubt being at Binghamton is going to make one bit of difference to her future after college.</p>
<p>I made my opinions known about schools as D was going through the list making phase. We talked about things, I’d point out any issues I though there might be and I pulled out different data points and ranked them so that D could see pros and cons for each school. I was behind her 100% on every school that made the final list. Once she started doing apps, I felt like the time for DH & I to object was over. It’s the student’s process and the student’s decision. Of course, this is taking into consideration that you have had the “financial conversation” with your student prior to apps going in. If you’re waiting for FA packages to come in to compare, that’s a factor too.</p>
<p>College is not just about the classwork. It’s about how/where they’ll be living (independently) for the next 4 years. Social life and weather are important things to all of us in our daily life. If your son is feeling that there may be a problem for him at a school, well, he knows himself best. Echoing others on this thread, if you push him to the higher ranked school and there is any type of problem, it will be “your fault.” I am a big fan of happy kids ;)</p>
<p>“I am a big fan of happy kids”</p>
<p>Me too. S1 had the grades/stats to be competitive at some higher ranked schools but really only wanted our big state u. He was not even interested in visiting others. We didn’t try to force it. He went with his instincts and truly loved his four years there.<br>
If they are happy and doing well, what more could we want?</p>
<p>My oldest chose Carnegie Mellon over Harvard and my youngest Tufts over Chicago so you can guess my position on the subject. Ironically he thought he’d have more fun at Tufts, but he’s been working too hard. Don’t get me wrong, Tufts has been all he hoped and more.</p>
<p>S2 had very similar choices. Chose #50, and has been extremely happy. Ironically, some friends who went to those higher ranked colleges are reporting less stimulating and rigorous academics and a whole lot less fun.</p>
<p>I don’t know about nuts, but I do think it’s probably a mistake to push him too hard. He still has time to add RD applications to higher-ranked schools that might offer the climate and social life he’s looking for. USC and Vanderbilt come to mind.</p>
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<p>Yes, it is nuts.</p>
<p>My son is very happily attending the, let’s see, 4th highest ranked school he was accepted too. He did not attend the college my husband thought was the best choice for him nor my choice. It’s so important that they be invested in making college work and I believe a big part of that is having made the choice themselves. </p>
<p>I don’t think there is anything wrong in suggesting, just suggesting, a second look because sometimes an overnight visit or such can change minds. But my kid did not want to do any second looks and that was fine.</p>
<p>ditto the question: was the top 20 an ED school? off the top of my head, the only top school I can think of that released decisions that wasn’t binding was Stanford (and that was SCEA)…</p>
<p>If this is a binding ED, all bets off…please come back and post…</p>
<p>edit: found a post from 12/01/10 from the OP:</p>
<p>“We are wrestling with the fact that my son is being recruited by a higher ranked reach school for a sport and has applied ED,”</p>
<p>so the acceptance to the top 20 is an ED and a recruitment…oy vey…</p>
<p>and btw, looks like the #50 is Tulane for those who are keeping a score card here…</p>
<p>Oh. Well never mind, then. The decision has been made.</p>
<p>…and #20 is Carnegie-Mellon. If CMU was ED - he goes there, but if not, I definitely see his point. S1 thought he wanted CMU computer science all through hs UNTIL he visited and did the overnight, in his words “I’m a nerd but these kids put even my nerdiness to shame!” He heard that there was a required class for freshmen where you get extra credit for things like going to dinner with someone not in your major, taking a shower, initiating a non-technical conversation. S2 is at Tulane and loves, loves, loves it. Different kid but just thought I would hare my experiences with those two schools. Bottom line: it’s his experience, he should do the choosing (except if he has accepted an ED offer in which case you as the parent need to explain that a commitment is a commitment and if he hates it he can transfer.)</p>
<p>Are you kidding me 3 bysmom? On my. I don’t know anyone with kids at CMU but I now have this indelible picture in my head. They have sports at CMU? Sounds like an oxymoron if it’s a techy/nerdy school. On the other hand the athletes probably form pretty tight groups as recruited athleles in general tend to be more gregarious and social leader types especially the really smart ones. Perhaps there is a silver lining. Another reason why the OPs son should revisit and perhaps ask for an overnight with one of the athletes if he’s an athletic recruit.</p>
<p>My D had a plethora of higly ranked schools to choose from-NU, Wellesley, Haverford, CMC, Carleton, but it would not have crossed my mind to have her choose one of them over the one she did choose.</p>
<p>3bysmom, Carnegie Mellon was perfect for my son including the class you describe. Showers weren’t on the list, but eating out was. He’s had a great academic experience and lots of friends. Friends with similar interests were few and far between in high school. He’s had no regrets turning down Harvard. There are definitely sports at CMU - the football field is in the middle of campus.</p>
<p>If he applied ED to a school there’s no question about what the right thing to do is.</p>
<p>I never checked the rankings on the colleges my son applied to. They were all good schools where he felt he could get a good education. He is happy at his choice, still don’t know the ranking.</p>
<p>If the S visited campus as a recruited athlete, chances are very strong he was housed overnight with one of the guys on his team/sport. If the S felt uncomfortable–it’s very worrisome. Teams tend to stay tight and athletes often don’t have a lot of time to socialize outside that circle. However, for a recruited athlete–there was no reason to pursue an unsuitable school past that visit weekend. If the kid ED’d the time to decide CMU was not the right school seems well past. If the parents encouraged S to apply ED despite misgivings, the drama increases.</p>
<p>Nothing is black or white, and I do understand how this can spiral from a kid seeming unsure but willing to apply to seeing the admission letter and suddenly balking. </p>
<p>Could it be he has changed his mind about wanting to play his sport in college? It’s a full-time job on top of college studies, so perhaps there is more to it.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear your son applied ED. Sometimes I say to parents whose kids want to borrow too much money to go to school to take them to see an estate planner or an accountant. Just to get an outside “force” involved, and so it isn’t “Mom says…etc…”</p>
<p>In this case, if you have a friend who is an attorney, or you have an attorney, it is time for a visit to explain how contracts work. Too bad to learn it this way.</p>
<p>But, as much as possible, I’d get yourself out of the middle of it so that it doesn’t all become your “fault.”</p>
<p>I mightily hope you didn’t ‘force’ him into that ED application.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>If the kid screwed up, the kid needs to have a heart to heart talk with the school especially as an athletic recruit. If the parent applied pressure to apply ED then both the student and the parent need to 'fess up. If ED is in play then honesty is the best policy and in the best interest of both the student and the college whatever the outcome.</p>
<p>Go for “fit” and overall comfortable feeling that your child feels no matter the college “rank”.</p>
<p>Mathmom:</p>
<p>My S1 just was accepted to Tufts ED for the fall! He also had CMU on his list, but we went to visit over the summer when there weren’t too many kids walking around on campus…we loved the school, but in the end it was my S’s decision.
I certainly don’t want to sound like this is bragging, but my S had the grades for any IVY or better ranked school, but in the end fell in love with Tufts, so to me it was a no brainer. He’s going to the school where he felt the most at home and could see himself thriving over the next 4 years.</p>