Putting it back into perspective

Parents Forum
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<p>I would say that among the almost 20 nieces and nephews in our family, we’re running about 1/3 finishing straight through in 4 years, 1/3 taking longer (because of gaps or just needing extra time for what they want), and 1/3 not finishing at all. There happen to be none yet who haven’t even started. </p>

<p>I know when they all were little I still thought kids mostly just go to college, and that kids who don’t are “different” from people I actually know. I have definitely shifted in my expectations, and I am very patient with kids who need to take the time and explore their options. Sometimes more patient than they are - I’ve given a lot of pep talks to kids who feel guilty or like “failures.” </p>

<p>So far, though, none of the ones who didn’t go straight through are my own kids. I know that would be a particular challenge, but I’m ready for it. It is very, very important to me that my kids feel like they’re doing this confidently, happily, and with a sense of purpose. I wouldn’t want them just “caught in the tide,” no matter how successful it might look.</p>

<p>D1 is currently in that situation as she considers going to grad school - it’s pretty much expected in her field, and in many ways she would be happy to do it, but she’s going to take some time and explore what she really wants before she moves in that direction. We all know that a couple of years’ gap won’t hurt her a bit in the long run, and is likely to keep her happier, more confident and definitely more purposeful.</p>

<p>It’s interesting that as parents, when we’re at a stage in life where many of us are seeing how variable and unpredictable life is (careers, relationships, health), we’re letting our kids get so locked into some kind of ideal set of expectations. Maybe it’s just a natural attitude of youth, and not our fault. But I’m not sure we’re working hard enough against it, and definitely there are parents (and entire communities) that foster this kind of pressure and ultimate hurt. I’m always sorry to hear about it.</p>

22

<p>mstee - Thanks for the holiday wishes and the same back at ya!</p>

<p>TheDad - Knowing your daughter, I can’t imagine that with her current experience and background she would have ANY problems whatsoever. Good luck to her.</p>

<p>cur - My “mount” is where it spends the entire winter: unused in the garage :(</p>

<p>All - It’s not just at school that the stat-inflation occurs; I see it here at CC all the time. And I totally agree with TD that in the rear view mirror both student and parent will chuckle at the angst they are feeling now.</p>

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<p>Tks. Dig!</p>

<p>So, here come the holidays, and, I suspect, some more tension until all of those darned applications are all completed! But a couple more are done, at least, yay!</p>

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<p>My D has been working at Kmart since September. She just got her grades - all A’s and I’m very proud, but I think that having and keeping her job was probably a better education than most her classes.</p>

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<p>I think the kids now have much more pressure to attend a prestigious college than back in my HS day. My own HS class had students go on to Ivy league/directly to the workforce/military/cc/state flagship, etc. and there was not a sense that any one choice or option was “better” or worse. I really think that has changed now and it is too bad.</p>

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<p>abudhabi-mama–Yay job experience! My DH always says he learned as much working short order grill cook as in his other jobs. About hard work, about co-workers, and about customers.</p>

<p>In some circles people (who should know better) are all about “Why didn’t you apply to HYP?” or “Of course you’ll get in.” Kids feel bad about not meeting these expectations but it’s not a healthy message.</p>