“And your bank account”
I’d also add that I think people believe it’s okay to not title other assets, like bank accounts, in the Trust name believing their pour over will, will simply sweep these non Trust assets under the Trust umbrella when trustees die. Although such non Trust assets may eventually be distributed to the Trust heirs via Trust terms, all non Trust assets will be subject to Probate first.
My understanding from our estate lawyer is that
TOD (transfer on death) and POD accounts (payable on death) go directly to the beneficiary and avoid probate. In fact, they override the will. We set up a trust for our house; all my accounts are TOD or POD. DH has one big investment account that allegedly can’t be put on the trust or name beneficiaries. I’m not so sure his good friend agent is right and may ask him to double check - again - someday when he’s in a good mood.
Yep @Marilyn I agree, that’s what I always learned too! My mom didn’t have a trust but all her investments and bank accounts were TOD to us kids and the money just came to us from the institutions, no probate.
If everything passes through TOD/POD, then the executor has no estate account to pay bills from. If all the heirs get along and trust one another, the executor can pay from his/her share of the TOD accounts and ask reimbursement from sibs. For everything but funeral costs, the executor can tell creditors there is no money in the estate and they will have to go after the heirs individually if they want to be paid. Some creditors will do that, some will write off the bills. But I’m not sure I would accept the executor job if there was no money in the estate and any contention at all among the heirs.
I was just going to post what MomofJandL said, if ALL the accounts go to the heirs directly, it could especially be messy if there is a house to be sold, requiring some monies to be spent before the sale.
Any advice for dealing with “blended families” and spouses who’ve kept most of their money separate (but own a home together). It’s hard figuring out how much to leave which kids and things like that.
I had lunch today with 2 friends both of whom lost their spouses recently. They said its been a nightmare. DH and I will go back through our stuff and the trust and see if its set up reasonably. I know I will be completely baffled by all this if something happens to him. The cars are in my name, so if something happens to me, he’ll have to deal with it 
So sorry to hear about your friends’ spouses. Intestate scheme of your state will determine who gets those cars, jym, unless there is a will. In our common property state, decedent owns 50% of all “community property” which goes to the surviving spouse unless the decedent says otherwise in a will. Distribution of separate property is less straightforward.
Blended families who’ve kept their money separate? Why wouldn’t their separate money go to their kids and the house be split 50:50 or split based on their percentage invested?
@somemom, the money has been kept separate, but we have been together since our kids were young (all 7 or younger). We have paid half of our parts of college educations, mortgage, and other big expenses. We each have a relationship with the other’s kids at this point.
Obviously, I am looking at this simplistically, but if you are close with the kids, you could leave all your monies to be split between all the kids, but after the horror stories about dead spouses money going to the kids of the 3rd marriage, you’d want to set up something carefully to ensure the money did not accidentally go somewhere you did not want it to go. What about each of your leaving $X to your own kids, whatever that amount is agreed to be, then splitting between all the kids the amount over $X
I’d think about what happens when you die, do the kids have a relationship? Does one of you have a great deal more assets than the other? Do you want to see one group of kids get $100k each and the other group get $1MM each, for example. Or would the kids of the parent with larger assets be angry that the other kids got some of “their family’s” money?
What if one of you dies way before the other? Do you want one group of kids to get their settlement then, when it could make a difference in their lives, say at 30-40 and the other group of kids gets their money at, say, 70?
What about remarriage after an early demise?
Maybe at the first death, a large chunk is distributed to all the kids and a second chunk is put, at that time, in an irrevocable trust for all the kids to get at the second death? But still available for the well being of the remaining parent during their lifetime.
What do you want to see happen? What do you want to prevent?
Another thought about wills v trusts. Wills become public record. Trusts usually don’t.
Want to peek at a random person’s will? 
Here you go! Oops. That is a pour over will.
https://www.thebalance.com/what-does-michael-jackson-s-will-say-3505324
Can you do TOD on a house, too?
Only if your state allows such TOD deeds. As of 2014, my state does.
@MomofJandL
re Post #123
I don’t believe heirs can normally be held responsible for the deceased’s debts.
https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0081-debts-and-deceased-relatives
Thank you @BunsenBurner.
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/avoid-probate-book/chapter5-1.html
@1214mom : You need to see a lawyer. Period. Yours is a situation that be handled with maximum flexibility by a trust. You and your husband can each provide for certain distributions whichever of you dies first. You can allow the surviving spouse to rely on some or all of your money until death. There would be provision for further distributions hen the second spouse dies . You can’t control everything – like the third wife or husband scenario – but you can protect all the kids’ interests to some extent. I’m trying to steer cleat of legal advice, since estate & trust law is a very state-specific thing, but it sounds as though the two of you have shared so much that what you think of as separate money might not be. The two of you meeting with an experienced estate lawyer would be a good investment IMO.
I agree that GOOD estate attorneys are in invaluable investment that can help the couple sort out how to have their wishes carried out, to the extent possible.
It is helpful if the couple can try to imagine all the possible scenarios ahead of time and what they’d like so the attorney can start with that info and help make it happen.
Eg: if H dies 1st and then W lives another xx years; if W dies 1st and H lives another xx years, if H&W die within x or xx months of one another, if the surviving spouse remarries vs doesn’t.
Thanks for the advice. It’s a touchy subject, and is made more complicated by not only our independent money, but the money of other parents involved, and money that’s been inherited that probably “should” go to specific kids.
This is the year I’ve decided to put something better than what I have now in place.
Money (and inherited money) can be very hard to talk about, but you’d be doing all your kids a favor to thrash it out and have an approach that you and your husband agree on rather than leaving it for possible later resentments and estrangements. I realize you get that, and, honestly, trying to coordinate with the exes may just not be possible. All the best, ATS