The only thing I feel like schools hide is the actual workload and stress. And actually I don’t think AOs are hiding it I think they don’t actually know how insane the workload has become at some schools. The whole “if you’re organized and focused” you can get everything done and manage is a little iffy for me. Any small deviation upends the whole thing. So your varsity team makes playoffs, you are serious about an out of school activity, you get sick, etc. those all end up in a crushing amount of work.
Not had any of the other things mentioned happen to my kids and they seem odd to me.