<p>NJSue raises a very interesting question: “Are kids so much meaner to each other now than they used to be? I don’t think so. So why are kids so psychologically vulnerable? is it because they believe that it’s actually normal to be liked all the time by everyone?”</p>
<p>First, I am not sure kids are not meaner than they used to be. At the very least, The internet has given mean people a wide array of easy weapons: Facebook postings; Youtube videos; anonymous emails, etc. I also think that shows such as 90210, The OC, etc, can make Queen Bees seem very glamorous and powerful, inspiring such behavior.</p>
<p>I think NJSue may be right that kids now have higher expectations of being treated properly than in the past–perhaps because of anti-bullying, etc programs. I could also believe that kids who have been raised amid peace and prosperity are less psychologically tough. And perhaps parents now are less inclined to tell kids to just deal with things, or to fight back, etc. </p>
<p>Lafalum - I am also sorry your daughter is in this situation. I just had a conversation with a good friend about her experience in HS with friends. She said that her college girlfriends made up for the lack of friends in HS. I hope your daughter finds the friends she is seeking. I’ve told our DD who is only 13 that I wish I could say that all this girl foolishness goes away as you age but it doesn’t. It takes a few afternoons in the carpool line to recognize the same personalities from HS. The difference as an adult is you can choose not to be in the middle of it all!</p>
<p>I have heard about back stabbing among women at work, but I haven’t found it to be the case. I work in the financial industry, which most people would consider it to be fairly cut throat, I have a lot of good friends in the business. I met my two best friends at my first job. I find many female colleagues I work with (not even in the same department) extend each other a lot of courtesy. They’ll often give me heads up if they know something is coming down the pipe. Sometimes when I need a favor I don’t have a problem getting it. I also go out to lunch with many women at work socially. My boss often wonders how I hear of news before he does. The reason is we gossip.</p>
<p>No, I haven’t experienced been the victim of any back stabbing at work, either.</p>
<p>There is a fair amount of gossip and judgement, though. I am fortunate: I have pretty good relationships with everyone at my workplace. But hearing what is said about some people is unnerving. I don’t like to be a part of it and have said in a joking tone, “So what do you say about me when I’m not around?” At least I have the reputation of someone who can and does keep confidences. That, and the fact that I’m older than most of the woman in my office, seems to garner some respect.</p>
<p>When I say gossip it is not personal, it is more about how each department is doing and who is going to be head of which group, more related to the company’s re-org. Every once in a while we do discuss latest office affairs. Of course, right now the discussion is more about the bonus, which department is going to get more.</p>
<p>Thanks for the support for my D. As for the (female) coach’s behavior, several parents have been very unhappy with her for a few years. I am debating going to the AD after the season and suggesting he might want to cast a wider net before signing her to coach again next year. D will have graduated, I have no younger kids, and D gets plenty of playing time so it’s not an issue of “sour grapes.” It’s Coach’s negative attitude, and the way she threw the captains under the bus when making the line-up changes that she later admitted she had been contemplating for a while, that put me over the edge. I could say more but that’s not the subject of this thread (although it could be a fun new thread (Coaches: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly"). What hurt D was that her friends actually thought that she had asked the coach to bench them! </p>
<p>I have been debating having a talk with D to remind her that no one is perfect, not even her best friends, and if she waits for the “perfect” friend she’s gonna be lonely. Her friends were hurt and upset and lashed out at the nearest target, which happened to be her. They shouldn’t have done it, but they did. They seem to believe her now and want to be friends again, and I think she needs to forgive them and give them a chance.</p>
<p>It was just all worse because D and her boyfriend of 1 year are going thru a bit of a rough patch, too, and she felt like she was losing all the people she was close to at once. I don’t know how the thing with the boyfriend will work out, but I think it’s more important than ever that she mend fences with her friends, regardless of who was initially at fault.</p>