@mom2and - I wouldn’t presume to tell someone else or their kid what to do with a summer or how many classes to take. I can answer for my own kids, and my own district, however:
My kids have never done summer school; they go to a very active camp, on the thought that it’s more important to move out of the bottom 10% in athletics, as opposed to into the top 1% in academics. For the last two summers, my DS16 has worked - volunteering and not related to his studies the first summer, and working in a research lab this past summer.
My kids take a couple of Art of Problem Solving online math classes every year, purely out of interest. In fact, the first time my oldest wanted to do so, we had him put some of his own money into the tuition to make sure he really wanted to do it, because I thought it might be a gimmick.
But actually it’s a great set of classes. My children have not taken the “normal school sequence” math classes there, but have taken the enrichment classes. I notice that AoPS now has slower versions of some of their classes, no doubt to cater to kids whose parents misinterpret success of AoPS-takers as resulting from AoPS itself.
To directly answer your question - no there is not “any point at which (I) might say ‘enough’” to someone ELSE’s kid’s choices. Studies show that summers are times that a lot of students lose academic ground - granted, these are studies of kids at the bottom end of the achievement spectrum, but I don’t see why high-achieving kids wouldn’t also forget material over a long break unless they keep up with it.
What’s anyone’s problem with what other people’s kids are doing? I sense the reluctance to cede unearned privilege. “Wait, slow down; I don’t want to move quickly but I still want to win.”
Would anyone think they could tell another family not to spend as much time/effort/money on sports? I think the families who spend hours and hours every week on a sports team, plus camps in the summer, etc. are making a choice that I would never make, that I think is misplaced priorities. More importantly, I know that even if I spent just as much time/effort/money on sports for my children, they would get a little better, but would never be in the top 5-10% of HS athletes. I encourage my kids to swim/run/elliptical on a regular basis, and am ok with that.
It would be ridiculous for me to make my kids spend every waking hour on a sport, and then whine that my kid “needed” to do that and that life must be unfair because my kid still wasn’t winning as much as the kid nearby with actual talent. And insist that the coach was giving “unfair assignments” when my kid wasn’t able to keep up. Or whine that a group of different-race families were more effective at extra sports all the time and so they were taking all the spots on the team.
The fundamental difference in the USA is that we have a national aspiration to equality that some misinterpret as everyone being equally smart and equally likely to be in the top N % academically. But just like athletic and musical talent, academic talent is not spread equally among everyone. It’s also true, but NOT as much as many believe, that academic talent can lead to more economic opportunity than other kinds of talent. Maybe here @pizzagirl can chime in and assure us that no one really cares if you were in the top 3% or went to HYP once you’re out and working, and your social skills matter much more.
In my district, APs are limited by their prerequisites, not age. The middle school is not compatible with the high school in terms of cross-registration, which has its pros and cons. Most advanced 9th graders take three Honors, and no APs, though some do take AP Computer Science or AP Music Theory or other things they are ready for.
My DS16 will have taken 11 APs by the end of his HS time, 12 if you count Physics as two which I think it does count officially. I would say he rarely has excessive homework and does not seem stressed out, except for a few weeks when he was learning how to learn in AP World and AP Latin simultaneously in tenth grade. And the semester he thought it might be fun to add a local college course to the mix in addition to his seven other classes. So by the way, he cancelled the college course and life went on - I wouldn’t have wanted someone else telling him he couldn’t even try!
Sometimes he is up as late as 11pm, and I worry because I know the science says that teens need 9+ hours of sleep per night to really succeed with maximum brain power. But he catches up on weekends, and makes sure to go to bed early on nights before tests/contests.
As a teacher, I also see kids spending a lot of time on FaceBook and/or on extensive grooming (blowing out long hair daily, complicated manicures/makeup, etc.) and other things that can absorb a surprising amount of time. I have one kid in particular in a lower-level course, who never completes her homework but she always looks like she walked out of a magazine. I wish just once she’d grab sweats and a ponytail and finish the lab!