Relative Rant

<p>lotsofquests -- good for you. She should have sent a card, but her not doing so doesn't mean she doesn't care about you or your son, right? Are the other relatives coming to the party? If so, lucky you. We live far away from family. I am envious of those who have relatives that come to these things. I grew up in a small town with relatives all around. Sometimes I really miss all that.</p>

<p>lotsofquests I'm with you on this. Of course you didn't support your sister's children when they were young to "accumulate points" you did it because you loved them and your sister and you have every right to expect your sister to show her love and consideration towards you and your son for this special milestone. I have a sister 14 yrs younger who has been a wonderful aunt to my 2 children and if she ever does have children I will be sure to give them as much love and attention as she gave mine because that is what sisters should do for one another.</p>

<p>My family is relatively large and ridiculously close both emotionally and geographically; as a result we are pretty much all there all the time UNTIL... my oldest sister became a grandmother. Everything changed, she now has 4 grandsons, 6, 5, 4, and 3 years old and the world stops for them. It's especially odd because that's not how she was as a parent but I can't have one phone conversation without her raving about her grandkids. I have friends who have kids a little older than my great-nephews and, although I love them all, they're not all that special and I really don't need to hear a play by play every time we speak! It has created some friction between us all but we're a family that states our thoughts so we're all working on it. The boys are also getting older so they're not quite as "fascinating" on a daily basis as they once were, thank goodness!</p>

<p>But still something often comes up, for example, we always have a family Chanukah party where we exchange little, inexpensive gifts but we are flexible based on the college kids schedules or vacations (better to be off by a little and have everyone present). My oldest is now the only college kid in the family so last year I said we might need to change the date because of her schedule. Suddenly my sister forgets that that is SOP in our family because her grandsons won't understand and it might confuse them. First, this from boys you are convinced are gifted and brilliant? Second, you had no problem for the past 35 years doing this when it was your siblings in college, then your kids, then your nieces. She was quickly outvoted and everyone was fine, including the grandchildren.</p>

<p>Something happens when you become a grandparent and little else matters besides that which is important to your grandchild, sad but true. It takes a lot of effort to keep an extended family close, especially as they increase in size and you need to decide how important that is to you. In my family it's really important (thanks Dad!), so we deal.</p>

<p>I'm also guessing that it's more difficult on you than on me because you're the oldest and I'm the youngest so we have a different view of things from a familial point of view. Just breathe and decide if it's worth saying something or not.</p>

<p>Forgive me if I am off-base here, but I also wonder whether the OP is feeling a little disappointment that her sister didn't sufficiently acknowledge the hard work of the OP's son in achieving valedictorian status. I know very well what a mental and physical commitment such an accomplishment entails.</p>

<p>It wouldn't be out-of-line in my book to expect a bit of "celebratory exclamation" from a loving sister when her nephew did such a great thing. You have to display humility with the friends and neighbors about your kids, but you should be able to expect some star-treatment from your close relatives, at least for one day.</p>

<p>I sympathize perfectly with the OP. She has made it clear that she can move on and forget the snub, but it feels better to vent the hurt, even briefly.</p>

<p>
[quote]
It wouldn't be out-of-line in my book to expect a bit of "celebratory exclamation" from a loving sister when her nephew did such a great thing. You have to display humility with the friends and neighbors about your kids, but you should be able to expect some star-treatment from your close relatives, at least for one day.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Very true. This sister is blowing it. Yet, what else can one do when people disappoint other than move on? I gather that other family members are, at least, acknowledging this appropriately. So there is that, at least. It would be nice if someone (the other sisters?) could give this sister a nudge and tell her -- hey, send a card at least -- but as has been pointed out, family dynamics differ -- what would work in some situations could make things worse in others. Only the OP can judge whether better to talk to sister or another family member or let it go without doing so.</p>