<p>Overall it is pretty good, but needs work. I think it does answer the prompt in showing an experience that made you doubt yourself.</p>
<p>I get rid of the first 2 sentences. They are just kinda pedantic and lecturing.</p>
<p>I was confused by the next paragraph. You say several years came and went…Does that mean since you were a baby? You cay you are 13 so so though, right? don’t say ‘came and went’, say passed. Always try to tighten and use 1 work instead of 3, especially when it is more effective.</p>
<p>Try to rewrite the paragraph on your classes with the Deacon. It’s okay, but this is an important paragraph. Try again to have economy with your words and to allow each sentence to build upon the next and not jumble around.</p>
<p>After that, you just lose me. I have not yet read The Lovely Bones, but it is about a murdered girl that watches her family, right? I cannot at all see any connection here and what this would have to do with resolving your attitude. </p>
<p>The end is weak.</p>
<p>I think the strongest points here show your intellectual and spiritual struggle, and the less emphasized theme of self determination.</p>