I don’t think one should take Lareau’s categorizations as either/or – that is, kids must be poor and pleasant or rich and whiny. I’m very well-educated – prestigious schools including PhD – and was a professor at a prestigious school at the beginning of my career. So, I’m sure I am in Laurau’s upper tier. I am a strategist by intellectual bent and in real life get paid for figuring out strategies for getting companies and governments to achieve good results in difficult situations. I couldn’t help applying that to my own kids when they were younger. They were advantaged by being in good schools, having my wife and me read to them and help them with homework when they were younger, having us as role models (both very hard-working and well-regarded in our fields), and having us to coach them on career strategies in the areas that they have chosen.
Nonetheless, each had challenges, both learning disabilities (one quite serious) and very significant health problems, that necessitated our and their negotiating with their schools (and doctors). I won’t go into detail because I am sure most people have read stuff I’ve written on this before.
As a result of the LD and health issues, we taught them how to interact with adults generally and specifically with teachers and administrators – always respectfully – both by modeling and coaching. Neither kid was whiny or disrespectful. The neuropsychologist who tested our son from grade 2 onward said that he had never had a patient who believed he could adjust the situation to match his capabilities and deficits. It took our daughter longer, but she has learned to negotiate to improve situations. ShawD is now asked for advice on how to write emails to professors, administrators and bosses.
In short, they got what I hoped for from the “wealthy” bucket – ability to question and negotiate with people in authority – and what I hoped for from the “poor” bucket – treating people respectfully (although I’d never heard of Lareau’s research, just thought it was common sense). I don’t see any reason why one can’t strive for both.
Finally, nothing I’ve said is intended to downplay the generally superior influence of affluent parents in being able to guide their kids around problems and get them on good tracks – not just i-bankers or hedgies but tracks that are good for them. We have a class-based society at this point, but unlike in past eras or other countries, class is no longer based on who your grandfather is (my wife was asked that question when she lived in France) or what church you attend (although a friend in Texas says she was repeatedly asked this after moving there) but on what you do and how much you make. Jews and subsequently Asians, who would never have been in the upper tiers even in the 70s or 80s and have now entered the upper echelons of American society and are wielding their influence, like the WASPs have always done, to create advantage for their kids.