Ridiculous Failure for Shame Pt.1

I would like to try to help, but I have a few issues:

  1. You NEED paragraph breaks. It's so hard to read a wall of text.
  2. Please edit. I got through your first half but just don't want to attempt part B.
  3. If you need two posts to ask your question, you're not going to get lots of good answers. Could you please narrow down your question to a few sentences? We don't need all the gory details. From your first half, I get it: you're smart. So now what?