<p>I would think it wouldn’t be all that uncommon to attend a shower held by work colleagues and not be invited to the wedding. I wouldn’t really expect to be invited unless I was close friends outside of work. </p>
<p>I can’t link it for some reason (maybe someone else can) but there is an article in the NYT entitled Botox for you Bridesmaids which discusses the trend of paying for your bridesmaids to get medical spa treatments, Botox, even liposuction and breast implants. Talk about bridezilla!! A far cry from the days when you might treat your bridesmaids to a manicure or buy them a piece of costume jewelry! Can you IMAGINE a “friend” telling you you need to get botoxed before you stand up for her?</p>
<p>…A margarita machine? I just ask my husband (or I can do it) to pour some good tequila and cointreau in a blender with ice. OMG…I’ve been doing things wrong all these years.</p>
<p>And, absolutely come on down to dinner! I was able to do a large gathering (over 70 people) without having to rent a single plate or piece of silverware. I did run low on matching cloth napkins. (And before anyone sneers…I was being green. No paper, plastic died for the gathering.) Although I do admit that I did, heaven forbid, mix patterns.</p>
<p>3boysnjmom - maybe you can repackage it as a late engagement party or a going away party for the year abroad ;). A friend of mine had a similar issue, and it got sticky when the time came to invite the few relatives who were actually to come to the wedding. In their case what was meant to be a small intimate wedding ended up with some hurt feelings.</p>
<p>I didn’t register, nor have a bridal shower, much to my mother’s chagrin. I’m not “against” registries, but they just aren’t me. I can’t bring myself to ask folks to come bring me presents, and by the way, I’d like ‘this’. </p>
<p>Now having children of “marriageable age” (though nothing in the works, to my knowledge), I have been thinking about this. The advantage to a register is to see the sort of things the bride and groom like, to know color schemes, size of bed, etc. But when they register for the coffee maker at Macy’s, I can’t go buy it at WalMart on sale, or they are likely to end up with more than one, since it doesn’t get checked off the list.</p>
<p>Recently, for several weddings we’ve been invited to, the bride and groom had websites - Very nicely done, introducing us to the wedding party, story of how they met, details of the wedding day, and links to registries. I was thinking that what I would like instead of a specific store registry, would be a general “wish list” page. Perhaps on this page they could list color schemes, general things about their home or their lifestyle (size of bed, what kitchen appliances do they need?, china patterns, decorating preferences…) </p>
<p>I tend to not buy off the registry. For showers, I buy a cooler and pack it with paper picnic supplies, plastic tablecloth, etc. It’s never on anybody’s registry, but all brides (and grooms) seem genuinely pleased. For weddings I buy a small but pretty container of some sort - china candy dish or whatnot, and put a check inside.</p>
I’ve actually been able to call the store and tell them that the item was purchased, and they’ve checked it off. Don’t remember if it was Macy’s though.</p>
<p>Sure you could. What’s going to happen when the bride receives your WalMart coffee maker (I’m assuming it’s the same one she wanted from Macy’s, but you happened to have bought it at WalMart or another place you found it cheaper)? She’s going to call Macy’s and say please can take the coffee maker off my registry, I received one. So no one else is going to buy it.</p>
<p>Technically speaking, you could even call Macy’s and say you’re calling on her behalf and take it off the registry if you were that concerned.</p>
<p>How does that differ? That’s precisely what a registry gives you. You’re certainly under no obligation to purchase at that particular store if you can find the same thing cheaper elsewhere. Especially these days, with the Internet / online shopping options we didn’t have 20 years ago. </p>
<p>I had someone buy me 8 place settings of china umpteen years ago – but not off the store where I had registered (Marshall Field’s, at the time). So what? I took it off the list myself. It was all the same to me whether they bought it at Field’s or elsewhere for cheaper. More power to them for finding it cheaper!</p>
<p>Usually a store will meet and/or discount further an item on the registry if you call and say, “I can buy the coffeemaker at Walmart’s for X less.” The store wants your business. And, they (if it is Bloomingdale’s, Macy’s here) gift wrap it for free. The only store (where I didn’t register, nor I suspect would my children) that doesn’t, or didn’t, meet the competition is Tiffany’s. But most of their merchandise is unique to their store.</p>
<p>3boydnjmom, we had a similar situation years ago when we got married. Our wedding wasn’t that small, but it was out in CA, while both our families were in DC. Shortly after the wedding we were headed out to Germany for dh’s postdoctoral fellowship. My in-laws gave us a going away party. The only drawback was that instead of getting wedding type gifts we got over a dozen travel alarm clocks! Luckily we were able to trade them in for a good suitcase!</p>
<p>Me too, as far as china goes. I can do at least 50 on the napkin front, using various white ones and throwing in the pale pink linen. I would have to rent silver for 70, though.</p>
<p>Actually, something to consider is picking up those bundles of old silver plate you see in “junque” shops from time to time. For large gatherings, I like to have buffets with tables for 4-6 set up here and there around the house. If you do the “wrap a knife and fork in a napkin” thing, pieces of old plate are a lot nicer (and “greener” and cheaper in the long run) to use than plastic <shudder>.</shudder></p>
<p>Mixing patterns is perfectly acceptable. Decades ago a friend and I went into Shreve, Crump, and Lowe in Boston to look for a wedding present for someone, and a delightful elderly lady in their china department gave us a mini-dissertation on table setting that featured mixed, but harmonious, patterns. She made it clear that in her opinion it was the “everything matching” alternative that was the lesser option. And just about no place was higher in the instep than Shreve’s! :)</p>
Are you my sister in law? For years the standard present for her was to pick up any good looking dessert/salad size plates you could find at tag sales, because she wanted enough for a large party. I’ve got a lot too, though not nearly as many as she does. (But my parties aren’t as big either - they had an enormous barn for parties and their new house - an old Victorian former B&B has a lot of room for entertaining too.)</shudder></p>
<p>We are “china sisters!” I too, do the wrap up the silver in the napkin…and my backup are my mother’s pink napkins. Now, here is the thing: PLEASE tell me if you are coming to SoCal for the Geary’s sale. (If you are from here I may have seen you upstairs in the Limoges section scoping out the good stuff.) If you’re there…you and I (and my girlfriends will share nicely.) will have one heck of a time.</p>
What a great idea!</p>