<p>Your biggest problem is that you didn’t say anything the first time it happened, so your roomate assumed you were ok with it. That doesn’t mean that its ok and you have to put up with it, it means that you lost the easiest opportunity to fix the problem. </p>
<p>The next and most basic problem is one of assertiveness. College is a time for learning, and not all the learning happens in the classroom. It seems like you have difficulty being assertive and standing up for your rights, instead just hoping problems will go away. Viewed in this light, the roomie has done you a favor pointing out something you need to work on, and its better to find this out at 18 than at 28 or 38 when a coworker/boss/spouse is walking all over you.</p>
<p>The solution is right there at Villanova (but not the RA anymore). To be honest I think the RA may have tried to do the right thing and you weren’t ready to hear it. You treated it like it was his problem to fix; go tell the RA of the problem, let him fix it. The RA sounds like he got the right training and did the right thing; he probably tried to give you advice on what to say but let it stay as your problem, not his. You are surprised at this, writing “he did little to help the situation (in fact, he didn’t even speak to my roomate)”. You are operating out of a model where other people are obligated to solve your problems, but as you’re discovering this doesn’t hold in adult life.</p>
<p>There is someplace else for you to turn. The Villanova counseling center says on their web page “Freshmen who live away from home typically have to learn to relate to and negotiate conflicts with new roommates.”. Sound familiar? The point is you’re not the first one to be in this situation, and there is help at hand. Make an appointment with them and they can help you figure out what to say and do with your roomate so that you’re not confrontational or dictatorial, but at the same time stand up for your rights. They may help you role-play the conversation, etc. See <a href=“http://www.studentlife.villanova.edu/counselingcenter/generalinfo/index.html#individualcounseling[/url]”>http://www.studentlife.villanova.edu/counselingcenter/generalinfo/index.html#individualcounseling</a> I think you’ll be surprised at the end when you talk about this in the right way with the roomate that you’ll not only solve the problem but learn new things about friendships and assertiveness. Viewed from an outside perspective I think this is a great experience for you, hard as that may be to see or believe while you’re in it.</p>