Just out of curiosity if you become a RA and someone brought this issue to your attention, how would you handle it?
I think communication is really important because that seems to be something that is really lacking right now. I definitely think that if either roommate has a problem with the other oneâs behavior to bring it up and work it out right away so that situations like this donât arise where little things build up until thereâs an explosion because then emotions are high and its harder for both sides to get their point across. Like if earlier she had said, hey I have a problem when your boyfriend is here, then we couldâve worked something out sooner rather than having a huge argument over text. Also in a situation of disagreement like this, I would probably ask both sides to come up with a possible solution and then go over those proposed solutions and sort of compromise on them and mesh them together. Also I think the deeper issue here is here dislike for me in general which is something that needs to be talked about because although she says she doesnât have an issue it is pretty clear that she does because she basically refuses to be in the room with me at the same time and when in similar situations with me or my roommate she has drastically different responses.
Talking things out is hard an awkward but Iâm definitely a supporter of laying everything on the table and going from there because if all the information isnât out there how can we come to a good solution
I was interested to see how you would answer post #40 because your earlier posts (#31 and #32) come across as someone who is not being considerate. You are putting the burden on your roommate to tell you when you have gone too far. If three people share a suite, no roommate should have to inform the other that their boyfriend spending every saturday afternoon/ evening in the room is too much. You and your boyfriend should find some activities between the two colleges where you can meet and spend time together. Take walks, go hiking, take advantage of free activities in the area. Instead of complaining that your roommate is not being accommodating by texting you before she returns, be happy she has not yet reported you. I doubt you would be considered to be an RA next year if she started to complain about how difficult it is to live in her own dorm room. I imagine the size of the room is barely sufficient for 3 people let alone a BF that is hanging out there all of the time.
Her complaining to her friends or my RA doesnât get me rejected, thatâs just kind of silly. Having my boyfriend over isnât going to get me a write up if she decides to go as far as to the hall director. A lot of roommates have problems. In fact Iâm discussing things with my RA tomorrow because hopefully she has some ideas that are better than âgo to a hotel if you want to have time with your boyfriendâ because that is just unrealistic. I want to work things out with my roommate but sometimes its hard for the two of us to communicate and my RAâs facilitation could be helpful. Personal conflicts donât discount the fact that I will be a very good RA, so please donât try to say I wonât be considered (when Iâve already basically been accepted) when you donât even know me.
I canât read my roommates mind that she has a problem with something. When she consistently goes out on saturdays even before my boyfriend started coming over, how should I know that she suddenly wants to be in the room instead
Ack, this thread makes me see red. OP, youâre not in a living situation in which you can get physical with your boyfriend. You donât even have a door on your bedroom! Your roommates have no responsibility to tell you when theyâre coming home. And if they walked in on you in an uncomfortable situation, it wouldnât be their problem, it would be yours when they complained about you to the RA. I frankly donât think youâre ready to be an RA if you canât understand all of this.
Trust me, I get it. Iâve been dating my boyfriend from freshman day 1 all through graduation and beyond and this has always been an issue. It sucks because of course you want to be able to spend quality/private/intimate time together, but the reality of college dorm life is that itâs not always possible. This is why itâs so expensive to have a single / 1 bedroom. But when theyâre paying to live there, unfortunately they get priority over him 100% of the time. In college, most people need to get creative. Roommate has class from 1:15-2:30? Guess thatâs when weâre having romantic alone time. What I would do is sit down with her and acknowledge there has been some misunderstanding of the rules and you really want to work with your roommates and make them comfortable. Instead of passively stewing over the fact that Roomate1 is allowed to have her boyfriend over with X parameters and youâre not, bring it up - âcan we clarify what the agreement is?â I would also make plans at the START of the week so thereâs no surprises. âHey, boyfriend and I want to watch a movie at some point this week. When would be a good night and time for us to do that?â
Thanks for a good response #47. Usually my roommates go out or are at sorority events on saturdays so i donât think it would be too difficult for them to say hey I probably wonât be home until 12 or whenever. We donât really have many rules in place in our room regarding guests (only not past 11 on weeknights without asking) so maybe setting something up would be good.
Spring break is coming up soon so just wait and take him home with you and have sex in your own room and make out on the couch all you want in your living room. Iâm sure parents wonât mind your request to text before coming home from work so they wonât walk in on you if you are making out in the living room.
My laugh of the day, from a mom of 4 scouts!
I think that it is important to set ground rules from the onset of a rooming agreement . Youâve already stated in an earlier post that you have broken the rules on occasion. When you do that, the message it sends is " it doesnât matter what you want or think ,my needs are more important than yours and yours donât matter" Of course, most people would be irritated by that. Your boyfriend is a guest, she is a resident . She is paying to live there. It is her home right now. She shouldnât feel like she needs to attend a sorority function or go to the library to give you space to entertain all day. I would have to agree with @MaineLonghorn that you arenât ready to be an RA when you canât see otherâs point of view.
Are all of the beds in one room? If not put up a tension rod with curtains to give yourself some privacy.
A tension rod wonât block the noise.
SorryâŠgo to the BFs room. So,what if you inconvenience his roommate. Why should,that matter to,you. You donât seem to care about inconveniencing yours.
He only has one roommate to coordinate with and you have two. Isnât easier to deal with only one personâs schedule than two? He can also tell his room that he needs to switch beds so he can have the un-lofted bed to accommodate your need for space for intimacy.
I really donât see why your relationship is the responsibility of your roommates. As a parent that is paying for my daughterâs dorm Iâd be pretty ticked if her roommate was bringing in an extra non paying person and expecting my daughter to make accommodations that she did not feel comfortable with.
Sheesh. Go get a room. Your roommates are not responsible for your intimate time.
This thread has got me thinking ⊠maybe I should send some sort of gift to my Dâs roommate thanking her for being such a kind and considerate roommate. Thanking my lucky stars D didnât have to deal with any roommate issues especially like this!
^@3scoutsmom, I feel the same way! My D never has any drama with her roommate. Theyâre not best friends, but theyâre compatible and considerate of one another.
What exactly did the roommate say in the text fight? What exactly is she upset about?
Iâm still not clearâif sheâs gone all the time, how does she know heâs even there all the time?
You say she says she isnât upset but you both must be if you got in a huge text fight. ?
@thumper1 I meant to hang out in her room, not to have " alone" time.