Rules That Kids Won't Learn in Schools

Parent Cafe
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<p>I actually never got a whole lot of “it’s not fair” from my kids. I won’t swear that they never said it, but it wasn’t a big feature of any fights we had. Partly because we were fair, or tried to be, and they knew it, and partly because they never were led to believe that the world in general owed them fairness. If anything, there were times when they should have raised that argument with someone and didn’t, because they thought – incorrectly – that those in authority wouldn’t care whether they were being fair or not.</p>

<p>I also had to laugh a little at the one about the boss not caring about how you feel when you screw up. Maybe that’s true for bosses who have an unconstrained ability to hire and fire employees, and who can magically find qualified, trained employees for specialized jobs on short notice. The rest of us care quite a bit about how you feel when you screw up. My spouse sits atop an organization chart with tens of thousands of employees and a hiring freeze, and she spends huge amounts of effort trying to figure out how to get people to improve their performance without firing them or having them quit.</p>

<p>And re purple hair and piercings: When jessiehl and her friends are ready to be CEOs, those things won’t matter. Some of the purple hair and piercings may be gone by then, too, but whatever is left will be just fine. See: tattoos.</p>

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<p>"Quote:
Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t. In some schools, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone’s feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)</p>

<p>What schools is he talking about? If anything, schools seem more focused on competition than the rest of the world. Results are most important, but tend to come from teamwork, not oneupmanship </p>

<p>Check out any public K-8, they hand awards for 100% attendance, citizen of the month, most musical, (even to those who are not in band or chorus). Parents like me hate going to awards ceremonies, they last forever because every single child will win an award.</p>

<p>FWIW, this has occurred in NJ, AK, KS, VA and NC. VA (NO VA) school board even tried to go so far as to require teachers to grade in PURPLE because RED had a bad connotation associated with it."</p>

<p>I have been at awards ceremonies where NOT everyone got an award, by far, and all the kids were required to attend (taking away from class time). And the main thing they push is honor roll bumper stickers, which most assured not all get. Maybe Fairfax County VA is different, but the entire school system hear is very focused on competitiveness. My wife and kid and I refused to apply our Honor roll bumper sticker in principle. Prior to that my D attended a Jewish day school - their sticker was “we honor ALL our students at ____” We liked that, and our daughter got much more out of it academically. The emphasis was on LEARNING. </p>

<p>"uote:
Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we’re at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)</p>

<p>Life is divided into Fiscal years, seasons, marketing initiatives, and even different jobs. Any decent job offers vacations and holidays. They do expect you to show up every day, but most don’t give long homework assignments. And if you work at it, you can find a job that offers self realization. Maybe the author doesn’t realize what that means. </p>

<p>You are right they do offer vacations and holidays, but 2 weeks, is a lot less than 10+. How many times have you heard a newly minted college grad say " I am going to take the summer off before I start looking for a job, because it is the last time I will ever be able to do it"? A lot of kids say that or at least want to say it."</p>

<p>I am 50 I passed up the chance to take the summer off before my first real job began, and started in July instead of putting them off to September and traveling on the cheap. I regret that decision. It sounds to me like kids are wiser than I was then. </p>

<p>"Quote:
Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.</p>

<p>Kids have time for TV? </p>

<p>Have you seen the stats of how many hours the avg kid sits in front of a TV or a computer screen? Not every parent in the world is running their child around to every EC possible to get their kid into college starting at age 8. "</p>

<p>My kid has spent huge amounts of time doing homework (a fair amount of it pointless) when we could we took her to museums, for walks, etc. We do not own a TV. The issue of computer screen time is a complex one, but its not really comparable to the TV issues. Most of the pictures my kid sees on her computer are not of Jennifer Anniston, but of her friends, complaining on Facebook about their homework. </p>

<p>"Quote:
Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.</p>

<p>My kid is a nerd. I doubt the author is. </p>

<p>Did your child go to traditional public school, because if he did and he is truly a NERD you would never say that. Our DS was in Gifted classes starting in 3rd grade. He was teased and taunted with comments like “just ask so and so, he knows everything”. He never raised his hand to answer questions because of comments like that, he wanted to be just like everyone else, hard to do when they pull you out of the class to go to your gifted class. I am thinking the author was a NERD and got sweet revenge later on."</p>

<p>Jewish day school, then GT center, than a year of homeschooling, than public magnet. And yeah, I still doubt the author is a nerd. </p>

<p>“About a yr ago I read an article, can’t remember if it was in Time, Newsweek, or USNWR, but it stated a problem occurring in the corporate world now is that parents are still involved and have bought off on the idea that they still need to protect their children in the real world. Maybe they should have read these rules to their children”</p>

<p>I don’t take everything I read in a newsweekly seriously. Personally I think if an employer treats a young person unfairly, the young person should hire their OWN lawyer, or form their OWN union, not rely on their parents. I suspect the author would think that means I am some of kind of baby boomer radical :slight_smile: So be it.</p>

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<p>"Hunt–much agreed. “Life’s not fair” is so often used to justify deliberate unfairness. I think we are obligated to treat each other as fairly as possible (civilly, kindly, respectfully) no matter what “life” ditches out. "</p>

<p>absolutely. Its also used politically and hypocritically.</p>

<p>“I can’t get health insurance” “life is unfair”</p>

<p>“Wages for the bottom quartile are declining” “life is unfair”</p>

<p>“I am still unemployed” “life is unfair”</p>

<p>“we are going to increase the tax rate on incomes above $250,000 by 1%” “That is SO UNFAIR, its evil, unconstitutional, and communist!”</p>

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<p>Brooklynborndad, it’ll be easier to read your replies if you put what you’re replying to in a quote block. At the start of what you want to quote, type
[ quote ]
but without the spaces.</p>

<p>Then at the end of what you wanted to quote, type
[/ quote ]
again, without the spaces.</p>

<p>You can use the “preview post” to experiment and make sure it’s working.</p>

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<p>ah another spoiled kid who needs everything spoonfed ;)</p>

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Taking they were focused on the company goals, not yours personally, right? Isn’t that the point being made…it’s not about you, but it is about the company? </p>

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<p>Just as these lessons are generalizations, which you believe are abnormal, do you believe that you are the avg family if you do not own a TV? I am not criticizing your decision, I am just asking do you believe the avg family in the US owns a TV, and that the avg child watches at least 1-2 hrs a day?</p>

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<p>My point was kids take off summers because they know it is not college and 10 weeks+ of vacation a yr…something that was being pointed out originally. </p>

<p>I am with poet, don’t take the leap I went straight to NOPE, Because I said so…instead it was 15 minutes of explaining why, and when I felt that we were spinning around in circles I said NOPE BECAUSE I SAID SO…END OF SUBJECT.</p>

<p>I have 3 wonderful children, and I don’t want it to appear that this happens frequently, because it doesn’t, and maybe that is why they keep pushing.</p>

<p>Additionally, I am not going to apologize for being the hammer. My life experience, and my age might also play into the equation, and when you are young and have not walked the path it is hard to understand. </p>

<p>I do agree, that the piercing and the purple hair probably won’t matter, because they may be gone, but then my question is why? Did you grow out of them because they bored you, or because as you matured you realized that in the work place they were not appropriate. TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.</p>

<p>Tattoos are a different issue, they were even common place 50 yrs ago, so I really don’t equate them to a facial piercing. They also can be hidden. Let me use the military as an example. For decades it was common place for military members to get tats, now you can not have any if they can be seen. Also now it is a new trend among young men to get their ears pierced which creates a permanent gaping hole in their ear. You can no longer join the military if you have that…you actually have to have it surgically closed.</p>

<p>As far as clothing, many companies have casual Friday, it became a trend back in the late 80’s. Yet, I would say in the Fortune 500 companies, wearing a sweatshirt would still be a no-go. Our DS interns on the Hill. His dress code is suit and tie when in session, blazer, collared shirt no tie when they aren’t. It truly depends on the employer. Work at Macy’s and you are expected to wear mainly black, no option to say I feel like wearing a pink dress today, unless you are wearing a black blazer on top of it.</p>

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<p>"Quote:
I have worked at Fortune 500 equivalent (service 200 actually) and while most managers weren’t like psychotherapists, they were generally rational and tried to be long term focused. </p>

<p>Taking they were focused on the company goals, not yours personally, right? Isn’t that the point being made…it’s not about you, but it is about the company? "</p>

<p>can we get something straight here? A company sells services to its customers. It hires employees to help it do so. The company exists to make a profit while doing so. A non-profit exists to serve its clients, needs, etc. Neither is there to serve its employees.</p>

<p>A school is a service organization too. The students are NOT its employees. They are more nearly its clients. The teachers, admins, etc are the employees. Making a parallel between a school and a fortune 500 company, in which we see students as equivalent to employees, rather than to customers, is inevitably going to be misleading. The goal of a school is to give the best education to kids while ALSO developing the whole kid. It SHOULD be concerned about the best interest of the kid. Really, if schools arent going to do that, whats the point? Id rather homeschool (and yes, we did for a year). Now, that doesnt mean the schools should do the stereotype of the 1990s self esteem movement thing. Cause thats probably not good for kids, or even for their self esteem. But it also means teachers SHOULD ask how kids feel about things when they fail, and NOT treat them like they are there only for results. Because they are not. If there’s an economic market for all those filled in worksheets, and copied out dictionary definitions (oy!) I have yet to
see it. Their ONLY justification is helping the students learn and develop.</p>

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<p>"My point was kids take off summers because they know it is not college and 10 weeks+ of vacation a yr…something that was being pointed out originally. "</p>

<p>I am sorry, I do not understand that sentence.</p>

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<p>it’s funny, when I read the first reference to RW, I thought it stood for Right Wing instead of Real World. On second thought…</p>

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<p>“Just as these lessons are generalizations, which you believe are abnormal, do you believe that you are the avg family if you do not own a TV? I am not criticizing your decision, I am just asking do you believe the avg family in the US owns a TV, and that the avg child watches at least 1-2 hrs a day?”</p>

<p>are we talking about time usage? because that is not what the original lessons list was discussing. I am quite sure that almost all the kids in my area, whether at magnet schools, or at regular schools, are quite aware that most adults work, that they go back to the office after going to the coffeehouse.</p>

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<p>The lesson was that what you see on TV isn’t the RW, and if you don’t have a tv, it is hard to accept that some kids don’t think Carrie Bradshaw is strange for buying Manolos. Kids sometimes believe what is being sold to them.</p>

<p>Yes, the avg kid understands that folks go to the office after going to the coffee shop, but at the same time they are being sold an image, like Rachel who got this great job at Ralph Lauren’s with an assistant even though her resume only included her waitressing job. Or that because your brother is an FBI agent mid level, you don’t have to jump through hoops to work with them part time (Numbers). </p>

<p>I could go on and on, but the point that I read from these lessons was life isn’t easy and you need to work for what you get. It is all up to you, you are the captain of your boat and you should accept that sometimes the reason life isn’t fair exists because of your own actions or inactions.</p>

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<p>Actually, my grandfather used to say that “Life isn’t fair and you should be glad of this.”</p>

<p>He was a big one for figuring out what you are good at and letting other people do what they are good at. I miss him. :(</p>

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<p>Only on CC would we argue about something that I thought was pretty cute and tongue in cheek but often hit home!</p>

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<p>AH blame that on Beldar…have you never notice they are the instigator…Beldar will post something, get the thread going and sit back laughing at all of us debating. Beldar never returns once the thread takes off ;)</p>

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<p>I read something different. A call to the young to be more compliant and less rebellious, and a justification of ego destroying (and largely ineffective) pedagogical methods. </p>

<p>As for the tv show references, you will not be surprised that they all go completely over my head. </p>

<p>My kids favorite pop cultural product over the last 10 years has been Harry Potter, in which she is far from alone. In that series, a dedicated civil servant is never promoted, his brown nosing son gets a good job, the establishment is often corrupt when its not tyrannical, a beloved head master is fired for political reasons, there is racism and professional jealousy, one man makes a career out of networking, a talented man subject to discrimination leads a marginal life of on again off again employment, one man (well half giant) with inferior academic credentials spends years in a less prestigious job to prove himself, and manages that only because of a personal connection, etc. </p>

<p>I could hardly imagine a better preparation for the RW :slight_smile: Except of course for the good guys winning in the end. Jury is still out on that one :)</p>

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<p>tongue in cheek? </p>

<p>“Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write, Or Add:”</p>

<p>It’s an old 90s meme. The self-esteem movement, which DID veer off into the silly, was made into a straw man by the RW (the right wing, not the real world)</p>

<p>Note also all the snark about baby boomers, a regular meme of the culture wars.</p>

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<p>Woah, vicious! You should sue somebody.</p>

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<p>At best, when it comes to school, I am a customer, NOT my children. I am paying for their services, NOT my children. My kids better not act like the teachers are employees and they are the customers.</p>

<p>I have to say that my kids rarely ever used “It’s not fair” phrase at home.</p>

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<p>“My kids better not act like the teachers are employees and they are the customers.” </p>

<p>If that means they should treat teachers with respect, well I guess I am not seeing the issue here. I always treat people providing me a service with respect, and a fortiori trained professionals. Some degree of hierarchy and deference to the teacher to enable class room management is part of how the service is delivered, just as opening your mouth wide when asked is part of receiving dental services. </p>

<p>The point though, is that education IS about the students. As a parent I tend to equate my interest in DD both getting an education, and having a positive experience, with her interest.</p>

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<p>I suppose that some of the rules may come off as harsh and condescending depending on your interpretation. Personally, I thought it was amusing with a little bit of truth mixed in. In any case, the list is a great starting point for discussion about the realities of the world outside of the teen bubble that my kids live in.</p>