<p>I am a Pike graduated 30 years ago and can tell of you that the rush process has changed just as our society has changed.</p>
<p>Our society has become much more judgemental and superficial. Sure the way someone looked and what they wore where somewhat important 30 years ago. But today imo it has gotten out of hand.</p>
<p>As a society we need to ask ourselves are we truly doing the right thing by raising our children this way?</p>
<p>On campus while we were visiting my son and during preview you could pick the frat guys out from the rest of the student body. They all wore sperry topsiders, above the knee shorts and v neck t shirts. I mean really what ever happened to being your own person.</p>
<p>D1 looks superficial, until you get to know her. By the way she dresses, you would never know she was the only girl who passed all exams in her finance training class, including a badly dressed girl from CMU. Judgement can go both ways.</p>
<p>Duel to the finish, hm? No need to go there. Do you really want to create scarcity where there is none? There are plenty of places on this earth where that’s actually a problem… Finding friends on a college campus – there are lots of ways to do that. Some will go the greek route, many will prefer to connect in other ways. Can’t that be okay? Why not enjoy there are choices? This thread was prime for input from people both in and out of sororities and fraternities because it’s a parent posting about her daughter trying to decide whether or not greek life is a fit for her. That really depends on the young woman, right? Pros and cons to each option. No need to eat each other alive, people, or try to demonize someone for making a different choice than you did. Why not get to know one another and learn something new?</p>
<p>Oh please. The markers were just different 25 years ago.</p>
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<p>What’s wrong with Sperry Topsiders? They are a classic look. Is wearing classic clothing not being your own person? What if you were to the manor born and that’s your natural tribe? Anyway, I think (just to give an example) tattoos, or saggy pants, or other styles can be just as conformist – just conforming to different norms, that’s all.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with Sperry Topsiders? They are a classic look. Is wearing classic clothing not being your own person?”</p>
<p>I completely agree. Thumbs up on Sperrys, and a classic look in general. And that doesn’t mean you have to look like the dude or gal next to you, either.</p>
<p>“I completely agree. Thumbs up on Sperrys, and a classic look in general. And that doesn’t mean you have to look like the dude or gal next to you, either.”</p>
<p>I don’t follow you here. Most of the kids on any campus look like the dude or gal next to you. Why is it bad if guys are wearing Sperrys and above the knee shorts but ok if they are wearing say, hoodies, jeans and sneakers…or flip-flops? Sorry to say there is virtually no originality in the attire of college students; there is always going to be someone wearing whatever they have on.</p>
<p>^^Especially if your student goes to a college where there is many “of their kind.” My S1 went to a school where all the male kids, all of them, wore ball caps and flannel shirts…rich, poor, middle class the boys all looked ‘the same’. My son hadn’t worn a ballcap or a flannel shirt in his life but everytime he came home that hat was on his head. He’s graduated but recently my husband called me and had been watching TV and they were interviewing some guy in his late twenties and he had my son’s alma mater college ball cap on and a flannel shirt. It is what it is…some schools are skinny jeans schools, some are dreadlock schools, some are Sperry topsiders schools and some are flannel shirts and ball caps schools. It’s simply kid smoke signals. Not everyone conforms but many do because kids tend to flock together. Of course sororities and fraternities look for their “kind.” That’s what they are all about. Good, bad or indifferent it is what it is.</p>
<p>famlip…my daughter too, is having such a rough time due to sorority recruitment! I am so very upset for her, and just hope she gets over it quickly! She is a sophomore…her freshman year she rushed in Jan. Got the flu…had to go get her…hospital, etc. had to drop out of rush right at the end. She was so upset! So many in her hall had signs and flowers and parties and she didn’t. A few weeks later she tried out for the dance team…didn’t make that…upset again. Roommate joined a sorority and did everything with them second semester. So my daughter decided to try one more time as a sophomore (one sorority was not able to have rush in Jan., and had it in the fall). And guess what? Made it to pref round and then cut. She is so down on herself right now and I feel horrible. I keep telling her to try again and she does and she gets shot down. Do I keep it up? She was so very active in high school…cheerleading, nhs, student council, on and on…and she is just having such a hard time at college. Sororities are so big at her school and she really wants to be a part of it, especially the service and friendships, but her self esteem is evaporating everytime she tries something. I just don’t know what to tell her anymore…but I continue to try to build her up and encourage her to try again. I so hope your daughter can overcome her sadness and move on, whether that involves rushing again or not! Good luck!</p>
<p>It seems to me that sororities and dance team are exclusive groups.There are so many other things she could get involved in at college that are more inclusive. Maybe it’s time she go in another direction: research, internships, study abroad, a job, intramural sports, social or performance groups that don’t require “rush” or “tryouts”. She can get the service and friendships by volunteering. Maybe the sororities and the dance team did her a favor and she will find something much more meaningful to get involved in.</p>
<p>Famlip–I’m sorry your daughter is having (had?) a rough start to her freshman year. I know how much we all hurt when our child hurts (probably we hurt more for them than they do). Sounds like she may circle back into a pledge situation after all. If that’s what she wants, we will all cheer her choice. And if she chooses another direction, it’s all good too. </p>
<p>I didn’t go through the sorority scene. Still had a great time and was a fraternity little sister and pledge sweetheart. My sons at a school that doesn’t have much in the way of a Greek life, and had he been at a school that was, he wouldn’t have joined in either. Like his mom, more of an independent. </p>
<p>Needless to say i was friends with a handful of girls in sororites, more that werent, and guys of both persuasions too. Life was the better for it.</p>
<p>The concept of poo-poohing the Greek system–or defending it righteously-- simply reflects individual choices and mores. Neither right nor wrong…except for each of us. Not for others.</p>
<p>Glad your daughter is feeling better an feeling her way. Good wishes to her.</p>
<p>tptshorty…thank you for the advice…just found out tonight that she joined her residence hall government as treasurer…so that’s a step in the right direction! I appreciate your posting and words of encouragement…every little bit helps and after reading several posts, it sure helps to know other people go through these things, too.</p>
<p>To the OP, while it may seem like a crushing blow to not get accepted into a desired sorority, the ability to bounce back from disappointment is an important life skill. Some kids, who may have been popular in high school, or were part of elite groups like the cheerleading team, may find that when they go to a new, larger school, they are not accepted into the “in” groups. Be supportive to your daughter and don’t let her feel that YOU are disappointed in her. It’s hard, but important, for a person to develop a sense of self-worth that is not dependent upon acceptance by others. She’ll be a stronger person in the long run, though the disappointment may hurt at first.</p>