I think that this deserves either a 11 or a 12 (giving both a lower and a higher possibility here in case). Both examples work great to help you make your point, and I really liked your conclusion. Although I’m not sure if the last sentence would count as going off topic-- I can see how it fits both it doesn’t really relate to the prompt directly. Great job!
Can you please give me feedback on mine in exchange? http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1726616-feedback-for-my-sat-practice-essay-please.html