You are very wise not to engage. I hope you can maintain this behavior.
Why do you act like such a good friend sometimes, then go for months without talking to me or responding to my texts?
Why would you invite people over for dinner on a day that I am traveling ? You haven’t cleaned the house and also, didn’t have food to serve. I do have my limits, you know !
To my Chemistry teacher who favors this other girl over me because she’s prettier, I hope you know that you were hired to teach, not to reward girls and give them good grades just because they look good. I really work hard in that class and would appreciate it if you actually took the time to know me, and see the effort that I put in that class, instead of giving me bad marks based on my appearance.
Wow… just, wow. Ten months later, we finally get a thank-you note, that is pre-printed, with no hand-written note thanking us for the gift I carefully picked out (personalized) and delivered a month before the wedding since we couldn’t attend due to being out of town. Please God, if D attempts to pull anything like this when she gets married, please shoot me now - I will be completely ashamed that I didn’t teach her any better.
No, YOU broke it, so YOU figure out how to fix it.
I think I have a plan.
3-2-1…commence looting.
Of your many stupid ideas, this one is the stupidest. I can’t decide if I’m more stunned by the stupidity or the idea that I raised you smarter.
Wow mom. chill out. It’s no big deal that I had to take a picture twice.
For all intents and purposes, your daughter is a neglected child. She needs you now more than ever. And you’re just going to sell your house and leave? Her mom would be horrified, if she were alive…
I just can’t believe everything I read on the Internet.
Power has really gone to your head. You must have a sad little life.
Smacking self on forehead…ah! Now I see how it really is. Very disappointed to say the least. Oh well.
Is there a full moon? A bunch of craziness going on!!
It’s hard to leave my family in Texas after a two-week visit. Thank goodness my parents will be flying up to Maine in ten days for my daughter’s HS graduation!
While you may believe that you are “enlightened” and that the rest of us are poor, ignorant , selfish shells of human beings, with each word you speak it becomes alarmingly clear that you have confused enlightenment with entitlement. Look in the mirror. I’m sure than you do that often.
You want so badly to be a part of my life, but my life is significantly better without you in it. Now where do we go from here?
I am so lucky. 
Oh how hard it must be to have figured out everything you need to know about the inner workings of life and the universe at such a young age. That Google and Wikipedia search gave you all of the info you needed.