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Should parents make child #1 go to the cheapest school and then let #3 or #5 go anywhere because it turned out there was more money left
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I think the goal should be “a similar experience” as long as that is what the kids want as well. If older kid wants the rah rah flagship, but younger wants a quiet LAC, and both choices are affordable, then super…everyone is happy. But, if older one wants the pricier LAC and gets to go, but then younger child is told, “Uh, we’re now broke because we spent all on your brother, so now you must commute to the local state school, instead of the flagship you wanted,” then that stinks!!
In your scenario, when the oldest of 5 was going to college, more aid might be qualified. When the youngest is going, parents might be full pay…all at the same/similar school. that’s fine. But if Child 1 is told that he must go to affordable CC, but Child 5 gets to go to full pay pricey school, well, that could get ugly and parents probably need to smooth things out in some way.
There’s a mom who used to post here that has 5 kids. She readily admits that it was a huge mistake that they let S1 go to the pricey school of his choice because reality then hit that they could not afford that for the remaining 4. The rest all had to choose economical schools because the family spent the next 10 years recovering from the cost of S1’s education.
As an aside…I’m the oldest girl. My wedding was very nice, but my youngest sister’s wedding was even nicer…because my parents could more easily afford that. Was I jealous? No. Because my parents made an effort to “even things out” in other ways, at other times.
Hoping there is an affordable other option on the table…not just Ivies, Stanford, and MIT.
If you didn’t qualify for any aid at MIT, that means your family contribution is in the $60,000 a year range which translates to an income in the $200,000 range. If that is the case, your kid won’t get need based aid even at the most generous of the above listed schools…because either your in me is too high…or you have higher than typical assets.
We do not parent equally. We do provide different things for different kids based on their needs. But, no, we wouldn’t pay full price private for the oldest and then tell our younger kids that our funds were used up on the older child. Our 4th and 5th kids are extremely gifted. #4 is receiving $0 for college from us bc he is attending on full scholarship. Fair? Yes. We paid for him to go to math camps, SSP, DE classes at universities. etc. Those were not insignificant costs. If he hadn’t had all of his college costs covered, would we have helped? Yes, but only for the amt we able to without it impacting the rest of our children. We offer what we can, but it is within the bounds of our current financial situation. (Our kids are spread over 21 yrs. Our financial situation has changed over time.)
Our youngest child seems to be the most gifted of all our kids by far. We have no way of knowing what things will look like when she goes to college. She might receive far more than her older siblings, maybe not. We cannot predict the future. But our kids do know we try to offer them each the best we can at the time. (And by the time she is in college, some of her older siblings will be in their mid and upper 30s. I doubt they will begrudge the difference in our lifestyle after raising all of them. )
I have 3 kids, the first is in college. Her college cost more than a third of what I saved. So my plan was as follows:
Have her take some loans. If the other two don’t use up their portion, then I probably pay off her loans for her.
If I need my money by the third child, I have some contingency plans. There are always options. At times, family can even help out.
The bottom line is I don’t think you have to have everything figured out when the first child goes to college. Having said that, you should plan as much as you can and think of the different possible scenarios.
I had someone just last week - (no kids and not in the college world) – tell me how many scholarships are let go every year because of no one applies for them.
What?? is that an urban myth? or are these the scholarships for kids in a particular SES/major/ethncity group? We certainly arent finding many scholarships that our kids qualify for besides a few small-dollar local ones.
I appreciate the advise of so many here to work with the colleges themselves. Absolutely, the colleges that we have looked at have had the most funding for lasting scholarships.
@Mom2aphysicsgeek, we have 7 yrs before our youngest starts college; and i agree/resemble your remarks. Nice to know that we have been through this all, and have an idea on how to proceed.
I’m sure every year there is money left on the table because no left-handed red- heads who had a parent die on 9/11 and was a member of the firefighters union applied for it.
Not being cruel- just realistic. There are indeed scholarships which have such stringent restrictions that they are “let go”. Are these for 30K per year? No.
I think the OP should look long and hard at what will be affordable for educating all of the siblings. It is not right for #1 to get the big prestige big pricetag school and then have the younger sibs have to go to cheaper place because the big money was spent for #1’s pricey education.
Will the kids be in college at the same time? (if they attend meet-need colleges, this will be factored into the financial aid package - the efc will be someone divided, not added up for each child. If they attend their flagship, it won’t he factored in and if three attend the flagships in many if not most states it’d )
Are the other two as gifted as the first? Do they want MIT/equivalent too?
Does paying for MIT means using up the family’s entire budget on one kid, or not?
Have the siblings discussed this?
Are there cheaper alternatives offer what the first child ‘needs’ in terms of major/advanced courses? Are all universities expensive? Has the family run the npc 's?
is the child admitted to MIT willing to work (lots of opportunities and for good pay) and borrow 5.5k plus taking a summer job?
Are those scholarships 'nice to have’or have they become ‘need to have’? Is that due to a change in circumstances?
Maybe that describes your family situation, but I think that we should all be careful before judging someone else’s situation, especially with so little information.
I think all families are different. Some families I know have spent the most $ on their least academically inclined child—b/c the only way the kid will get through college is to go to a small private U. The more academically inclined children do just fine at the state flagship—and the parents didn’t feel guilty about less being spent on the more academically inclined child.
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