OP- I hear you on the ditch digging, getting family to help, etc.
Reality somehow never works out that way. You get a back injury, one of you gets laid off from your job, a nephew discovers he needs a bone marrow transplant and ALL the grandparent and extended family resources get directed to helping the non-covered medical expenses. Or somehow has a preemie- and again, tens of thousands of family dollars just get side tracked to helping the overwhelmed parents.
If you need aid- apply. There is no worse feeling then telling your kid in June after freshman year that you can’t afford to send her back for sophomore year. I know people who have done this- summer of 2009 for example. They had found quarters in the sofa cushions and done the moonlighting gigs and sold grandmama’s Picasso lithograph and come up with the cash for Freshman year. And then- tapped out. Kids end up scrambling for a spot in the local, non-flagship state college, switching the major from econ to finance, or biochem to accounting, or urban planning to early childhood ed. Why? Because that’s what was available.
Don’t do this to your kid. Having financial constraints is not a crime. You are not a bad parent.