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Sure, that hurts, as do a lot of other things. What’s your point? If we agree that a teacher shouldn’t slight a student for an unfair reason, and that it happens sometimes, what is the point of disagreement here? Is it that the student shouldn’t have hurt feelings when this happens?</p>
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<p>My son has Asperger’s Syndrome, ADD and Executive Function Disorder. Graduated in the top 20% of his class with 11 AP classes. I always thought that if people only KNEW what his brain was like and what he’d been able to accomplish with his odd wiring, they’d give him every award in the school. We never know what any kid is dealing with. The most deserving kid in the school may make straight Cs while caring for a terminally ill parent…or (like my niece) may have been literally kicked out of the house right after her 18th birthday by her evil stepmother and still managed to graduate in the top 10% of her class. So many kids accomplish remarkable things without a shred of recognition.</p>
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<p>Goodness, I would hope that those things are sort of “joke” things voted on by students, and not actually given by the school. It’s sort of gross to have the school (teachers, admin) talk about who’s most attractive in the senior class.</p>
<p>You can’t really make this resolution if you are now done with HS, but everyone else, please resolve with me to make an effort to complement the kids we see who are doing well at something.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, the girl who should have gotten the lead in the musical didn’t. I won’t go into details, but he parents may still be bitter about this. To her enormous credit, the girl made the most of the part that was given to her. My husband and I made sure we gushed over her performance to her parents…several times.</p>
<p>I explained my feelings about multiple awards to the same person in a post pages back. If they’re based on objective criteria that one student meets better than any other student in the school, then s/he gets the award no matter how many s/he’s already won. But if the teacher is basing the decision more on effort, attitude, personality, passion, laughing at his jokes more than anyone else, and subjective things of that nature, then the award is nebulous enough that they can spread the wealth around a little. As I said, I can’t believe there was no one else out of a class of 700 seniors, all of whom took gym for 4 years, that also deserved the award–especially since they’re not basing it on athleticism, performance in physical fitness tests, or stated objective criteria. She was the only one who was a nice, unathletic kid who tried hard in gym class?</p>
<p>missypie, I like your resolution. I know a few adults who must have already made it, because they are so good about telling our kids what a great job they’re doing. I need to be doing that, too! They hear so much negative stuff about teenagers, they could use some encouragement.</p>
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<p>I have not yet had the time to read this entire thread, but I wholeheartedly agree with your resolution.</p>
<p>Our HS does senior superlatives. Some of them are funny (“pedestrian’s worst nightmare”) but none are really demeaning. </p>
<p>Sometimes scholarships are given to the “wrong” person based on lack of knowledge. An example from our hs this year: There is a woman who gives a scholarship each year in memory of her daughter, a past SADD president who was killed by a drunk driver about a year after graduating from our hs, about 10 years ago. The recipient must have been a member of SADD in hs. Applicants had to fill out a general application and write an essay based on a prompt.</p>
<p>Based on the info on the application and the submitted essay, this woman gave the memorial scholarship this year to a girl who had:
<p>I’m sure the woman didn’t know about any of that, because she had no way of knowing. All she knew was what was on the application (intended college, intended major, EC’s, leadership roles, honors and awards, FA applied for/received, family income, etc) and what the girl wrote in her essay. She may have written a great essay, but I highly doubt that the woman’s intention was to reward the kind of behavior that this girl displayed all through high school. This girl was indeed in SADD, but in our hs most of the leaders in SADD are generally acknowledged by most of the students to be the biggest drinkers in the school. And since the drinking incidents occurred outside of school, they were not on her record and the school couldn’t divulge them to the woman giving the scholarship.</p>
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<p>And again, I’m seeing a distinction between a subjective assessment of who contributes personality, effort, spirit, determination, passion and the subjective “laughs at my jokes / sucks up to me best / is my nephew and slipped me a twenty” type of thing. You’re lumping them both under one category.</p>
<p>Do you truly expect that you’ll know so much about every kid who gets called up for an award such that you’ll be able to accurately judge whether that kid deserved the award or not? </p>
<p>Let’s say it’s the math award and your kid has a 98 average in math and 800 on the SAT. And they call up Timmy. Why would you know what Timmy’s class average was? Why would you know what Timmy’s SAT was? I categorically reject this “everyone talks.” Yes, people may talk – but you don’t have to listen or retain if you don’t want to.</p>
<p>And so let’s say you’re ok with the fact that it’s based on passion, energy, classroom leadership, etc. instead of stats. If you’re not in the classroom, as the teacher is, how are you in a position to determine whether Timmy has exhibited sufficient passion, classroom leadership, helping other kids, etc.? </p>
<p>The point is – you don’t know. You can choose to be charitable and assume that there are most likely good reasons for Timmy’s choice and you just don’t know them, not being the teacher. Or you can choose to be uncharitable and assume that Timmy’s just one big suck-up. </p>
<p>Doesn’t all this gossip wear you down? I have two kids, a full-time job, a house to run and CC to attend to :-). How do you have time to retain other kids’ GPA’s, SAT’s, EC’s and other accomplishments in your head?</p>
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<p>Sadly enough, this occurs with great frequency. A scholarship established in honor of a deceased elementary school teacher was given out at my senior awards ceremony. One of the requirements was that the student receiving the scholarship had been in the class of the now-deceased. The student who received the scholarship that night hadn’t even gone to the elementary school where she taught. All of her students were rather distressed.</p>
<p>This is certainly an interesting thread to read. Here are some of my favorite quotes of today (even though it is most likely that nobody cares):</p>
<p>GTalum – “I don’t believe anyone is superior in every way to another.” Well said.</p>
<p>MDmom – “Hey missypie, we must be the same age.” Me too! </p>
<p>missypie - “So many kids accomplish remarkable things without a shred of recognition.” That is very true.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl “Then again, I’m really hoping my kids are so floating on positive college admissions results (everyone cross fingers!!) that none of this hs stuff will mean anything at any level.” Isn’t that really what it’s all about?</p>
<p>To answer Hanna’s question: </p>
<p>I’m okay with eliminating the awards or at least the presentation of awards. Our senior night did have academic awards, but that was just a small part of it. The night was organized and run by the seniors. Some seniors performed (singers, musicians, karate, dance – anyone who wanted could participate), there were slide shows with old pictures, and speeches by both a student and a teacher (these individuals were picked by the students). We do have a small school, so I’m sure this type of event is easier to put together. It was very enjoyable.</p>
<p>Hanna, post 591:
Let’s not limit it to “happy” - the answer here would be “ecstatic.” If we can make this retroactive, I would love to have all those last-Thursday-evening-in-Mays back. We were fortunate to learn an important life lesson the very first time d1 was invited to awards night. She didn’t receive an award she truly believed she was most qualified for, and did receive an award that easily 30 other kids deserved more. The juxtaposition could not have made the lameness of high school awards more obvious. As she said on the way home, “Well, they were on crack when they gave me the science award, so maybe they were on crack when they gave out the history award, too.” </p>
<p>For those who call for completely objective criteria, in the hope that they would result in the most deserving students being rewarded - would that make you feel better, if you or your child has already been overlooked for an award? The achievements are real, and they’re independent of the public recognition. I don’t understand why the public recognition seems to matter so much. And it’s in an auditorium or banquet hall where half the audience isn’t paying attention, anyway - it’s not Oscar night, with half the country hanging on which name is inside the envelope.</p>
<p>Suppose they had an awards night and nobody came? Or suppose the high school decided “we don’t need the aggravation” and, as Hanna imagined, did away with the thing altogether? I think we’d be living in a smarter, better-adjusted world (and I wouldn’t have missed “Will and Grace” during sweeps all those times).</p>
<p>And then there are those of us who have lovely, warm, funny, under-achieving children smack dab in the middle of their class that have no chance of winning ANY award but we have to sit and smile through a three hour “celebration” of 20 other kids <em>sigh</em> is it rude to bring a book?</p>
<p>“let’s say you’re ok with the fact that it’s based on passion, energy, classroom leadership, etc. instead of stats. If you’re not in the classroom”</p>
<p>Several people on thread have declared this type of criteria isn’t objective enough. I think we’re at an impasse.</p>
<p>"those of us who have lovely, warm, funny, under-achieving children smack dab in the middle of their class that have no chance of winning ANY award but we have to sit and smile through a three hour “celebration” of 20 other kids "</p>
<p>Do you have to go? We didn’t go to my son’s last year who is exactly as you describe.</p>
<p>Silly 3bysmom. It is of utmost importance that you give the proper public recognition to all these other kids! *What if some kid won an athletic contest and no one knew because they didn’t follow that sport?? Wouldn’t that be awful? *</p>
<p>Imagine there’s no awards night. It’s easy it you try. No hell below us, above us only sky. Imagine all the people, living life in peace …ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo …</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>^^You may think I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
We can all live together, without awards for anyone…</p>
<p>Not trying to stir up any argument here, but: </p>
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<p>Being “lovely, warm, funny, and under-achieving” is somehow a metric of merit?</p>
<p>I’m confused.</p>
<p>I have the under-achieving child. He won two small scholarships, both given by organizations of which his father is a member, and no awards. </p>
<p>At our school, only parents of kids who are winning something are invited. I’m with GTalum–if you don’t want to go, don’t! Our school is very small and this scholarship/awards night is very long. Yes, we have our share of the petty cr*p mentioned previously. However, I really liked going for both my boys and seeing their classmates (most of them there k-12) win awards, where they were attending college, what scholarships they had won, etc. It doesn’t have to be my kid for me to enjoy seeing the years of hard work and effort rewarded.</p>
<p>^^^^I think the poster just meant that her child would not receive any merit recognition in this evening but he has many other fine qualities (minus the under-achieving?).</p>