<p>lookingforward: I don’t think anyone believes in division of labor due to physical differences anymore. There is just too much evidence that in foraging and gathering societies women did everything for themselves, including hunt small game. Large game was difficult because it was a group effort, and babies are noisy. Strength wasn’t an issue since one of the most common ways to hunt large game was to corner them and chase them off cliffs – strength not a factor.</p>
<p>glido: What would that possibility be since I have married, raised a family and enjoyed my life and she has always been frigid by her own admission? How have I suffered? I wouldn’t trade the wonderful relationships I had for just about anything. She was completely wrong for me. YMMV.</p>
<p>Mythmom: I am sure your mom only wanted to look out for your wellbeing. I trust she is happy that you are happy. Of course, not everyone finds such fulfillment in a series of romances. We each have to find our own way. </p>
<p>I can only imagine that there are young women today who might choose to swim against the tide of the “hook-up” culture and long to have their choices respected. Labels such as “frigid” can be hurtful. Perhaps they don’t see themselves the way your mom reported to you that she came to view herself. There are many paths to happiness.</p>
<p>I don’t dispute that different people are happy in different ways; I only dispute the idea that was mother was “right.” She had a hysteria on the topic that struck me as quite odd, and clearly she was not right.</p>
<p>That someone else might follow the same prescription for different reasons with better results, I do not dispute.</p>
<p>One best bud is devotedly Catholic and I’m she agrees with my mother for both herself and her children but for different reasons with a different sensibility. I would never proselytize or think there was one way to find fulfillment.</p>
<p>I’m sure that celibate religious folks find happiness too, or other people who choose to live celibate lives for other reasons.</p>
<p>I was reacting to an outmoded idea that women will be judged only on the basis of their virginity. I do think that for most people that is a thing of the past.</p>
<p>As for hook-up culture, I know that my D wasn’t a big fan and yet she has always been in a relationship and had no difficulty finding three wonderful boyfriends in her short life.</p>
<p>My S had even less interest when he was in college and has had two serious girlfriends.</p>
<p>Some kids will and some kids won’t, and it’s not surprising to me that with all the career confusion going around that some kids would be reluctant to begin serious relationships. And for the young, it was ever thus – the pressure of young hormones versus the social stability of relationships. Kids can align as they will along this continuum.</p>
<p>I am certainly not saying that hook-up culture is ideal; I don’t see it as the bogeyman either, or the other game in town.</p>
<p>glido, as someone pointed out above, there is no actual evidence for a “tide of hook-up culture”. On average, today’s young women (and men) have not had more sex partners than their mothers (and fathers) had. For twenty-somethings, that average number is definitely more than 1, but quite a lot fewer than the number true participation in “hook-up culture” would produce. My sense is that very few women really participate in “hook-up culture” with any regularity. Some do, but most merely dip their toes in it once in a while, if at all.</p>
<p>And there are certainly people who have married as virgins who ended up supremely unhappy. Find any type of lifestyle and you will be able to name those for whom it worked perfectly, and those for whom it was a miserable failure. Your second statement is certainly key.</p>
<p>I’m with mythmom-my Mom didn’t advise me like hers did, but if she had, I also would have rejected that advice. I wasn’t promiscuous, never engaged in one night stands or casual sex ever, but wasn’t a virgin when I married and regret none of my choices. And I too have been happily married for going on 25 years.</p>
<p>The review mentions the role of binge drinking in hookup culture. Parents may want to steer their children away from schools were binge drinking is most prevalent.</p>
<p>lookingforward, I suppose your comment was mainly directed at mythmom, but I just wanted to make clear that I was not arguing that all differences between the sexes in behavior required the establishment of private property-based large societies following the development of agriculture. My conjecture only regarded differences in rates of sexual promiscuity. From what I understand, a gender-based division of labor (at least loosely if not strictly) existed in the great majority of pre-agricultural, Stone Age societies that have been encountered by Westerners in recorded history, including many of those of the Native American Indians.</p>
<p>Beliavsky, I read the linked article and fail to see any evidence presented there that anything has changed in recent years. Binge drinking? Seriously? Young people have been drinking to get drunk and lose their inhibitions for thousands of years! But all of sudden, it’s different for this generation?</p>
<p>I used to be the permanent designated driver while in college, since I didn’t much care about drinking – which also made me the group caretaker when certain individuals were on the verge of getting sick or doing something they would regret later. I didn’t need to intervene very often. In my observations, it’s a fallacy that drinking automatically leads to lots of random sex with near-strangers. For a very small percentage, sure, but not that many people, really. The most likely new couplings due to alcohol were between shy males who weren’t sure about how to make a sexual advance and the women who were interested in them but ordinarily too “ladylike” to initiate the first move. In such cases, a meaningful emotional bond had already formed and not a few of these icebreakers led to conventional monogamous relationships.</p>
<p>From the article:</p>
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</p>
<p>How exactly does one do a follow-up interview to an “anonymous” survey?</p>
<p>Other that that, this conclusion sounds too much like editorializing, not research, which is suppose to be non-biased and nonjudgmental. “Deeply troubled” by hookup culture? One does not have to participate! Are many sexually-active women also “deeply troubled” by those who choose to maintain their virginity until marriage? And I’d guess that least 95% of both men and women desire some “meaningful” emotional bonding in their sexual relationships, but this does not necessarily mean serial monogamy.</p>
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<p>Far-left Puritanism – that’s it exactly: A radical-feminist agenda to selectively try to stuff the genie back in the bottle. Men should be forced into monogamous relationships so that women, when they so choose, can easily control their men by threatening to shut off their access to sex. Yet these same women shall not be criticized if they choose to fill in the gaps with bad boys when boyfriend needs to be taught a lesson.</p>
<p>Disgusting. Students should NEVER report a rape or sexual assault to anyone in a college administration without reporting it to the police first - they lose all leverage in future deliberations and services.</p>
<p>They may feel they don’t have to report it in their Cleary statistics, can claim that she’s “making it up”, or that it wasn’t significant, (and there’s no rape kit), and decide (as Yale does), that it is sufficient to send campus rapists to counseling. With a police report, there is at least some obligation to follow up as if a crime was actually committed.</p>
<p>While the University, whichever University, is meant to be the arbiter of acceptable behavior in some domains (academic integrity), it would seem to me that these are legal issues for which a University is not the final authority. If you go through the court system and someone is found guilty of rape, then whatever Yale calls it or does about it is secondary. If the university feels they want to give degrees to rapists, etc., then it reflects poorly on their judgement and integrity. </p>
<p>But, just as you would not get cancer treated at the student health center, or have a counselor their treat schizophrenia, the sorts of ‘criminal’ issues which should be dealt with by a University should end well short of rape, etc. </p>
<p>If any of the individuals who have been found ‘guilty’ of ‘non consensual sex’ EVER do it again on the campus, I would hope that the family of the student who was violated would bring a massive suit against the institution. </p>
<p>Something else you wish you did not have to ask about on college tours?!</p>
<p>If you read the actual report, all but one of the cases where there was no serious discipline involved an accusation of “a nonconsensual sexual act in the context of consensual sexual activity”. Now, that could mean a whole variety of things, some of which would be fair to characterize as rape, and others of which probably not so much. None of them would receive a lot of attention from the police or prosecutors, sorry.</p>
<p>Along with the whole safe sex, make good choices talk I’ve advised my own daughter and all friends who will listen that if any of them are sexually assaulted, they are to go straight to the real police and deal with the university later. </p>
<p>The level that administrations will go to cover up rapes and attempted rape is criminal and those who are failing to address this very serious issue should be held accountable.</p>
<p>A majority of cases of “non-consensual sex” (a new euphemism) on campus are committed by a relatively small number of on-campus criminals. They often plan their actions in advance, and are involved in multiple instances. “Date rape”, “non-consensual sex”, etc. are simply terms used to cover up what is really going on, which is the criminal protection of criminals by university authorities.</p>
<p>Rape is such a strong word. First it was turned into the rather vague “sexual assault” which can mean anything from rape to pinching someone’s behind and now it’s completely dissolved into “nonconsensual sex”. </p>
<p>The details of each case don’t really matter compared to the enormous crime of Yale trying to take all the awful power out of the word rape by renaming it “nonconsensual sex”.</p>
<p>Maybe Yale is doubleplusungood for female students and male students who are victims of nonconsensual sex. Oh wait, they’re not victims they’re “unprepared participants”. Some students - the habitual nonconsensual sex proponents - are clearly more equal than others!</p>
<p>I have posted numerous times with a different user name, but wanted to protect my ‘identity’ because of the very personal nature of this post. Having been through this experience, I see things through different lenses.</p>
<p>My ex-husband broke into my house with a gun and raped me 3 years ago. At the time we had been divorced for five years and I had a permanent restraining order against him. It happened at 10 p.m. at night. After a night spent in a complete sense of the surreal, I went to the police station in the morning to report the rape. After making the initial report, I was taken to central headquarters in the back of a police car where I was interviewed by detectives. I then met with the Police Victims advocate before going to have a rape kit done at the hospital. I will never forget his words to me, he said and I quote, “if the DA chooses to prosecute…”. I can remember my thoughts flying and the complete utter terror I felt upon hearing those words. What do you mean if the DA chooses to prosecute? I was raped at gunpoint. I couldn’t imagine my ex-husband not being arrested, charged and prosecuted. </p>
<p>The reality is that DA’s are only going to take cases that they think can win. As I was raped by my ex-husband, I was told numerous times that the jury tends to view these rape charges with a jaundiced eye. I am not defending the university, but I am saying that realistically, it is very difficult to prove date rape. I had a witness, bruising and DNA and it wasn’t a sure thing. It is even harder to prove rape when there is alcohol involved and some consensual sexual activity prior to the rape. </p>
<p>I have had a conversation with my son about the fact that no one can ever consent to sex if they are drunk. It is impossible to actively consent when you are completely inebriated. My advice to him is to ALWAYS walk away in this situation. </p>
<p>My heart goes out to the women and men who have to live on campus and constantly see their attackers. Having been a victim, I cannot image the anxiety and terror that causes.</p>
<p>Justad – My heart goes out to you and I hope your ex was prosecuted and jailed. </p>
<p>You are unfortunately correct – it’s up to the D.A. and whether he/she is willing to bring a case to court. But that is for the DA to decide, not campus authorities. Sadly is appears that administrators in each of the cases profiled in the media are concerned with one thing and one thing only and that is the university’s reputation, rather than the safety of campus.</p>