I was told by other parents that it is good for them to “have some skin in the game”…both my girls went to good value public schools but what we had them do is take out the normal student loans ($5500+/year) and told them if they maintain a 3.0 avg we would pay those loans for them.
Like stradmom, I had one who didn’t get good grades in all classes, despite being smart and organized. This wasn’t about partying. I wondered when the college (a grade deflation school, afaiac,) would threaten. But she kept on taking reach classes. At one point, I asked her to pull back and, for her newly discovered interests, she didn’t want to.
Long story, but she graduated so well educated, despite the grades. She had listened, done the work, grown (and expanded her knowledge and awareness.) And that’s what we wanted, educated kids, willing to take risks.
No, she won’t have the GPA for a quick jump to grad school. But she will get there. In our case, no merit money was at risk. But they were on FA and transferring wouldn’t offer the funding we needed. We made her aware of that and focused on graduating in 4 years.
The first self-made millionaire in my son’s class at MIT (at least according to the Wall Street Journal which reported on the company’s IPO) was the kid with the lowest GPA in their fraternity. You guys have a very limited frame of reference if the only criterion for success coming out of college is getting A’s.
It is possible to have a high GPA AND not have learned anything of value in college. Is that what you want to encourage???
My expectation is not all A’s, but a threshold GPA to enable offspring to maintain merit scholarship. That’s not unreasonable.
My son’s school offered the incentive for us. In order to study abroad as a junior, all students have to maintain at least a 3.0 average for the previous two or three semesters. It worked and we had to do nothing at all.
How would you know why a kid is doing poorly? I know one kid at Princeton whose initial misplacement in a too-hard math class caused a cascade of related problems - mental and physical. My kid who is no language whiz - struggled with Arabic working his butt off freshman year. He’d have had to change majors if he was forced to drop the language as IR required four years or fluency of the same language. He ended up with an A in Arabic senior year by the way.
I think requiring a GPA may have the consequence that kids don’t take risks and get out of their comfort zone and will feel obliged to take gut courses and avoid the weeder courses.
Not going to call you names, Miami, but this statement (post #34) is simply untrue: “any hard working kid can achieve straight As at HS and college.” It’s ludicrous, and IMO at least, it is denigrating to all the hardworking students who power through adverse family circumstances, late-night jobs, and personal deficits to get hard-earned Bs and Cs.
Perhaps you may want to ask this question of law and medical schools.
Also, @MiamiDAP’s one perfect child did not go to a college notorious for workload or grade deflation. One of my kids goes to a school that has had eight students EVER in the history of the college graduate with a 4.0. Please stop using your smug sample of one child at one school as an example of what everyone else can and should do.
I agree with NJSue. If they don’t have the internal motivation to work and succeed in college, they probably don’t belong in college.
Mine were all good students, but if they were average students and working up to their ability, that should be good enough for the parents.
Our goal is for our kids to get an UG degree (on time, barring any unusual bumps) and then have a plan to support themselves and/or continue their education afterwards.
We’ve tried to be clear that we are giving them an opportunity, but it’s up to them whether to squandor it or make the most of it. We aim to be supportive, but also give them ownership of their lives. Perhaps it helps that we don’t have a history of micro-managing or rescuing them.
Also, my own experience in college colors my perspective. I was an A and B student, then I had a major bump in college. I ended up dragging myself across the finish line. By some miracle, plus summer school and a helpful therapist, I graduated only one semester late. Believe me, it was not pretty. I did get C’s, one F, and had to take some WPs, but I got that damn degree!
Thank you @SlackerMomMD. I could not agree more with this:
We are all nervous parents standing on the sidelines. We want our children to succeed in school, to enjoy the experience, and to grow from it. What that meant to me was being a listener and source of support, and learning where my child could find help on campus if I saw hints of struggle. When we brought the youngest for drop off last August, you had better believe that I attended every single session offered to parents on advising-academic, counseling, peer, faculty. I recorded all the websites and numbers and kept them at the ready. Rather than require a certain GPA, I made sure that there was a safety net available if she needed it.
I personally don’t like incentives at all. In fact, grades are basically incentives toward the goal of learning, not the actual goal, which we all forget 
And this discussion is about an incentive plan for that incentive!
Alfie Kahn has written some interesting books on this issue. The downside of rewards and punishments.
Part of maturing is to rely more on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Some people never make that transition, granted: witness corporate awards for most sales etc.
I think it is better to have conversations about classes to take, future job ideas, and how things are going, than to have a threat hanging over our kids’ heads. Basically, it’s still about relationships and communication. And learning, preparation for life, not grades per se (though merit aid is a consideration). Others have touched on the issue of taking on more challenge with the risk of lower grades.
That said, a relationship with our kids can yield information that might mean a withdrawal for many reasons, and grades would just be a sign of those troubles. It is not unusual at all for students to leave college, whether on leave or to go to work and return much later. There are many paths and if this one isn’t working, it’s fine to leave.
Idk if it’s good or bad but it seems that most of us parents are only looking for cheapest institutions, highest grades and trade degrees. Education is no longer about learning, thinking, experiencing, adventure and evolving.
Rather than incentives consider a shared cost responsibility with your child. Here is what we did:
- Set down an agreement in writing.
- We provided an amount that allowed them to attend public school
- They were required to contribute a reasonable portion via loans, work, scholarship, etc.
- We provided an incentive to graduate on time. (free used vehicle).
- Any scholarship above their contribution was split
- Any expense above public school was up to them.
My first had several options, from a full ride (where I would basically have paid him to go to school) to a OOS selective that would have maxed his loans. He ended up choosing our flagship, which gets him an educaiton loan free with some nice spending cash. Im happy, hes happy.
The key, I think, is to have both parents and students vested in the financial part of the decision.
I feel like I owe it to my kids to give them an opportunity to earn an undergrad degree from a solid school without having to worry about loans or work. I do expect them to focus on learning, enjoying their youth and earning good grades for merit scholarships and get best internships. They do work during summers but that money is their own to save or spend, not to pay bills. Once they are 21 and have a college degree, they’ll be off of my payroll.
My kids were excellent students in HS, there is no reason for me to believe they would be anything less in college. Both attend rigorous colleges and knew going in they would have to work hard. I did not find it necessary to make any kind of “deal” or “threat” (depending on your perspective). They are doing this because they want the education and they understand the gift they have been given.
That said, there probably is a point where I would consider pulling the plug …I’m sure there is a point we all would, it’s just a matter of where that point would be for each of us (and if that point is before the school would do it for us!)
Miami, I think you had the good fortune to have a child with far above average intelligence plus a good work ethic. I think you are delusional if you think that every child with a good work ethic can achieve top grades in high school and college. I have personal experience with kids (sadly, not my own) who have superb work ethics, have done every bit of homework in a timely fashion from kindergarten on, are well behaved and respectful, take advantage of every extra credit opportunity, and still do not earn As.
I think it is appropriate for parents to expect their children to work hard in school and take advantage of the opportunities being offered to them. I do not think it is appropriate for every parent to expect top grades from their children, and you are telling parents that those top grades are possible when they very well may not be. A student of average intelligence who works hard can get an A in standard classes at the competitive public HS my kids attend(ed). Put that same child in the honors or AP version of the same class, where the material is sometimes covered at twice the pace and she’s surrounded by students who easily pick up the material the first time it’s mentioned, who read and comprehend quickly, have a gift for numbers, logic and analysis, can write well with little effort, and who on top of all that are working hard, and even a C might be a big accomplishment. There are some real curve busters in those classes!
Hard work is good. It benefits every student at any level. But it does not result in academic success at every level if your definition of academic success is a top grade.
From my experience, no kid is the same so it is pointless for everyone to say what will work or disagree with one parents approach. As a parent, hopefully you know your child very well and know if an incentive is the way to go or instead it is not needed. I would think with most kids communication up-front is very important so that no one has any surprises.
“Also, @MiamiDAP’s one perfect child did not go to a college notorious for workload or grade deflation. One of my kids goes to a school that has had eight students EVER in the history of the college graduate with a 4.0. Please stop using your smug sample of one child at one school as an example of what everyone else can and should do.”
@intparent, obviously 99.999% of the students at that school didn’t do their homework in k-12. 