Should I Allow/Encourage My Little Boy To Compete In Gymnastics?

Princedog · December 28, 2007, 9:48pm

It doesn’t sound like he’s ready in terms of really wanting it, to compete at this time. It’s pretty late to begin this year anyway, I am not sure, it is possible your coach meant next year. Usually competitive level determination is done by the fall, and per USAG regulations he technically needs to be evaluated out of the pre competitive levels by a certified evaluator in order to get to competitive levels (although individual gyms have varying policies on how and through what timetable they do this).

Next year may be different, and perhaps if you take him to a local USAG or NCAA competition to see the “big guys”, he will decide whether this is something he is motivated to do or not. As far as the time commitment, for girls, the aforementioned 15-20 hours a week even at the lowest competitive levels in the summer is pretty standard now for gyms that are competitive, and it’s closer to 30 hours in the summer for the higher levels (which for the most part here do 15-20 hours per week during the school year). Boys gymnastics is different, typically much more informal than girls in terms of the atmosphere at the competitions for the younger boys, and also becoming more and more difficult to pursue at high competitive levels and at the NCAA levels in some regions due to a dwindling number of institutions providing that opportunity. It’s something to be aware of before starting down that path.

As far as injuries, that is difficult to say, I have been hurt but only superficially in terms of the sport (with no nagging problems). On the other hand, I’ve worked out with girls who needed multiple surgeries before their senior year in high school and this is not at the “elite” level, just the “NCAA would be the ultimate goal” path.

Whatapainthisis · December 28, 2007, 10:16pm

I did ask how it would be possible for him to prepare for competition when my son is only in their first level boys class (they have 3 levels), and was told that they keep an eye out for boys with potential for competition and will sometimes prepare them for competition without necessarily interrupting the level that they are at. I believe that preparation for competition would begin in the summer.

If the time commitment is what you are all saying, this would also prove problematic, since we intend to continue our lifestyle of taking at leasts two weeks in the summer to camp. Additionally, even if my husband cannot get off of work, I am planning to take an additional week (or whatever is necessary) to be near my daughter’s college to get her settled in to her dorm and participate in any orientations, which would necessitate my son being there as well. If he were serious about it, and they were serious about him, perhaps these issues could be worked around, but I am not feeling it. While I enrolled my son with the hope that he would take this seriously as a sport, I don’t want to turn him off by pushing him too young, nor do I want his body pushed for any reason other than his own benefit. I already hear enough of “my back, my knees, my elbows, my shoulder” from my husband.

Whatapainthisis · December 28, 2007, 10:19pm

I don’t think that I understand the intricacies of the track to competition. What I do know is that my son’s gym is run by a family with a long line of gymnasts, and their own son’s do compete (and win). I see the school’s name on nysboysgymnastics.com.

Princedog · December 28, 2007, 10:46pm

If they have a website, then they probably list the hours on there for the boys team. If they don’t it is probably somewhere in the gym. At the lowest competitive levels, a few weeks off in the summer should be acceptable at most gyms.

The track to competition is not too complicated especially since the boy’s system was recently changed to reflect what girl’s has been using for quite some time now. Levels 1-10. Generally, the competitive levels are 4-10, however, 4 is an optional competitive level and a gymnast may begin competing at level 5 without having competed prior to that. Competitions are offered at lower levels, but most gyms don’t participate even for girls, and I haven’t really heard of it for boys. To get to the competitive levels, there are certain skill lists USAG puts out, and gyms are supposed to have certified evaluators who determine whether the gymnast is ready to start the next level. However all coaches will generally have a hand in pointing out which kids should be looked at for competitive and they will usually warn you ahead of time to “feel out” your family so to speak. Some people flat out aren’t into the idea.

In NY there is probably a local meet you can attend, this might be interesting for your son. The club he attends might even be hosting one later this year.

Although the nature of competitive gymnastics is pretty intense and not for everyone, the lowest levels of competitive are designed to be introductory, so if the gym adheres to them reasonably there should be a pretty good adjustment period before you’re in too deep. There is also a pretty big expense associated with this. Most gyms try to keep costs down, i.e. less meets and less expensive uniforms for first year competitors. Some gyms are playing what I’ve come to call the “level 4 Olympics” and go all out. Personally, knowing the dropout rate, I would resent having to do things like meets that require airfare at the introductory level, which I didn’t do until level 7 or so, but my former gym now does with level 4s. I prefer there to be an introductory period with only a few meets per year.

paying3tuitions · December 29, 2007, 12:19am

Follow the exact advice of the pediatric cardiologist. Ask him about each specific sport. Update, as needed, with new EKG’s.

Listen with great care to exactly what he says regarding restrictions, and write things down as he speaks.

Don’t restrict him any more-- or any less-- than the doctor recommends!

I do think you are paying a tiny bit too much attention to his ups and downs about attending things. Sounds like your sense of humor will get you through.
When he starts to protest, just don’t give him a lot of attention but run for the car keys with a wink and a smile, “time to go!” Change the subject, turn it into a silly game, like count down and see if he can land in the car seat before you get down to 4. Make it funny, say the numbers slowly or with halves, but assume he’s going and just make it all playful. Everything shouldn’t be a discussiion. If you enrol, you go, but make the process fun and he’ll look forward to it. Whenever I had to get a room full of kids under age 10 to do anything, I’d just start counting backwards from l0 with a big smile on my face, hands in the air counting down by fingers. I don’t know why it worked, it just did. It was a game.

My boys loved dance because it had a component missing from the other sports mentioned: the music, the rhythm. And later: the girls.

My BIL, at age 50, still walks into a room with great presence, all attributable to years of ballet as a teenager. He isn’t tall, but you’d think he was because he holds himself so well, to this very day.

My S’s preferred tap over ballet, because tap was just so much fun, and could be done at many levels of skill and age, while ballet seemed to require a much steadier commitment.

MomOFour · December 29, 2007, 8:54am

Some gyms push joining the competitive squads because it’s a money maker. I’d be inclined to let him dabble in whatever strikes his fancy at his age. Your local Y should have short-term programs in a variety of activities that don’t require a year long commitment. Dance is fun but there’s usually a big drop-off in participation by middle school when it becomes more serious. It’s hard to know now whether or not he’ll want to make that commitment down the road. I’d definitely encourage him to continue with swimming, there’s no better exercise and it’s something that can be done throughout life without teammates or classes.

doubleplay · December 29, 2007, 9:35am

About not wanting to practice- I think in any endeavour, there is always going to be a time when you don’t feel like practicing. That’s totally normal, and not necessarily indicative that it’s time to get out. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. I am a musician and sometimes I do NOT want to practice, but it doesn’t mean that I should not be involved in music. Those times are when self motivation comes in handy.

When my kids were young, there were occasions when they didn’t want to go to baseball practice, like when their friends were out in the street playing, or they just got a new video game. I had one rule- “if you don’t want to attend the practices, that’s fine, but you’re not going to play in the game if you don’t. It’s unreasonable to expect to play over someone else if you don’t go to practice.” That always got them going, because deep down, they really wanted to play. If there ever was a day (and there wasn’t) when they said, “OK, I don’t care if I play or not”, then I’d have known that baseball wasn’t really something they were that interested in.

I use the same tack on my piano students- no one HAS to be in the recital, guild auditions, federation. I won’t be upset if you don’t- we’ll just keep doing weekly lessons. But if you WANT to do those things, you must practice. I’m not going to beat my head against a wall trying to help someone succeed in a competition if they won’t do their part.

Whatapainthisis · December 29, 2007, 11:26am

These posts have been real eye openers. I had no idea of the cost (flights?!), time commitment, or the incentive for profit (I think I know now why the school took a trip to Europe last summer).

I did have some really funny discussions with my son last night. I asked him if he misses his activities since he has been on break. He said that he does not miss gymnastics because it is boring, but that he misses dancing.

Then later, we were watching Disney, and this child gymnast came on doing his impressive routine. My son said “I can do that”! and then “I hate gymnastics”, but kind of in a funny, sarcastic, I-say-this-alot tone. So I asked him to say what he hates and first he said “Everything”, but when I asked him to tell me one thing, he became a clown about it. He said all of this in the funniest, theatrical voices:

“All of the kids fall and get hurt”. I asked him if he ever got hurt, and he said:

“No. But one time I was on the bars and had to go fast and my hands were like ‘Ahhhhh’”

“The pit has one piece of foam”. This was funny because he said it so seriously. I know that there is more than one piece of foam.

“Kids with glasses will fall and bash their faces and break their glasses”!

Then he got really ridiculous and said:

“Kids will swing on the rings and smash right through the glass”! (To the viewing area).

It was just too funny.

Then he asked me when he can take baseball (same kid who sometimes was dragged to T-ball)…

ldmom06 · December 29, 2007, 12:01pm

MomofFour hit the nail on the head. My d was a competitive cheerleader for a gymnastic facility which has placed many of their kids on college gymnastic teams as well as US Olympic teams (they will have another on the team for the next Summer games). The kids on the elite cheer squads often were recruited to teach the lower level gymnastics classes because they had decent tumbling skills (fulls, standing backs, etc…) that were impressive to newbie parents who didn’t realize the technical differences between cheer tumbling and properly executed gymnastic tumbling. But the whole goal was to create as many of these lower level classes as possible and get the paying customers in the door. More the better if you can get them paying competition fees and for private coaching.

That is not to say that gymnastics is a bad thing for kids or that participating in competitive sports is wrong. But, generally speaking to all, go into the endeavor with your eyes wide open especially if coaches start giving you the ‘rush’ about your kid’s talents. It takes a very specific body shape and natural ability to ever be great at gymnastics.

Whatapain - your son sounds too cute. I agree with the sentiment of letting him dabble until he finds something he loves. Didn’t read all the posts…so forgive me if you have already answered this question…but has he considered theater/children’s productions? I also agree with the health benefits of swimming. Wish I had encouraged both of my kids to swim…especially ldgirl who suffered for years with chronic wrist problems from tumbling. And don’t ask how many times she took a flyer’s foot to the mouth, or strained her back over the years. The worst was having the end of her nose scratched off by her flyer’s long fingernails (big no-no) which nearly required skin grafts due to massive infection (a million hands and feet on dirty tumbling mats…not a sanitary situation). Yep…looking back…swimming would have been the way to go. ;)

jmmom · December 29, 2007, 12:44pm

Yes. Yes. Yes. I’m not a physician, so don’t want to say what is right or wrong for your child; but if you are wanting to avoid contact sports where there is a chance of being hit, lacrosse (men’s) is not the sport. When they use the word “attack” in that sport, they mean it. As in, with the sticks. Not putting down the sport, it is very big in our area; but it is probably not what you are seeking.

This is NOT peculiar to your son. This is so very common. I have only skimmed some parts of this thread, so I am not sure if your son is an only child. Mine is, and I think when we have only one child it is sometimes hard to tell what is particular to them and what is very very common. This is something the cc Parent Cafe can be so helpful for. Along with regularly comparing notes with trusted parents of kids the same age IRL.

Couple of points on the “I hate xxx.” First, I have observed that where we, as adults, might say “I don’t care for any coffee right now”; meaning we like it fine but not at the moment, a kid will say “I HATE macaroni & cheese,” heretofore one of their favorite foods. They either just speak more in the emphatic or feel a need to do so in the hopes that we big people will actually honor their wishes. Second and probably more important: IMO, it is a fine line between listening to your child to see if there is a real problem with an activity or a place or a person and teaching and modeling to your child that sometimes (often?) we need to honor our commitments or do things which don’t always feel fun, because they are good for us. I also sometimes needed to let my son know, when he was small, that being anxious or nervous about a new or difficult activity is normal. If we allow our children to beg off whenever something feels uncomfortable (and I am NOT saying the OP is doing this or tempted to do this; just bringing up the point that this can sometimes be at play with young kids), we are not helping them to grow, to learn that they can handle things they might have thought they couldn’t. If we help them face these things when they are smaller, they will learn to do this on their own as they grow.

Princedog · December 29, 2007, 7:58pm

Actually for most any gym, competitive programs pretty much break even and classes are the big money-maker, which is why there are a lot of businesses out there just do class type stuff with no competitive (Little Gym type businesses or Y programs) but you won’t see businesses that are just competitive with no class programs. I’ve seen gyms shut down their optional (upper level) teams, then their compulsory (lower level) teams, so they don’t lose money. Most competitive expenses (except tuition, which is basically defrayed by class tuition - competitive does about ten times as many hours in most gyms, but doesn’t paying ten times as much per month, usually only about double).

Competitive IS expensive. In some programs, it’s less expensive, in some, more expensive, and in some, probably something most wouldn’t even believe. It depends on the program and their goals and outlook, but it’s all a pretty big, ongoing expense, and there’s little to be gained materially from it. Scholarships are rare, sometimes require academic compromises, and you probably spend about as much over the years to get to that point anyway. So you have to be in this because your kid really wants it and is getting non-tangible benefits from it. Is it worth it? If the kid is happy and the family can do it without negative consequences that outweigh that, then yes, it’s probably worth it.

Usually if a child is recommended for competition, there are no shady motives. Most gyms (all gyms) have limited space on their teams because there are never enough competitive coaches to go around. The expenses for things like uniforms don’t usually make the gym money - some gyms add a processing fee but it usually won’t do anything but defray their shipping costs and the time it takes to order all these things and sort it out (which is lot more than people usually consider). The uniforms actually ARE that expensive retail-wise, and if you want top of the line ones, by that point you simply can’t shake people down for more money. No one could afford it. Privates are always lucrative but usually most of the money goes to the coach who does it, and not much to the gym itself, and a lot of programs don’t even bother because they don’t have the staff to do many privates. There are always the gyms that are out of control with them but those are the exception and not the norm. Meet fees go to the host gym, not the gym your kid is enrolled at, and travel expenses don’t go to the gym either, obviously. Competitive or “assessment” fees usually just defray some travel cost for coaches and the fact that they’re working like a 35 hour weekend in some cases.

The bottom line is a lot of people do this because they like the sport, and some because they like the glory of having a big team that wins a lot (and those are the ones you have to watch out for). There are only a few gyms with enough of a “name” to run profitable competitive programs.

ldmom06 · December 29, 2007, 11:26pm

Princedog - I have found, from personal experience on the cheerleading side of our gym, that competition fees are rolled into a monthly training fee and it is often hard to break the components out since all competition registrations are handled at the gym level. Too often, we were faced with last minute competition cancellations and promises that those competition fees would go to some other future venture rather than refund. Furthermore, since we were a part of a very large, prominent gym, there were plenty of coaches and instructors available for privates on both the cheer and gymnastics sides…and in fact this was something that was encouraged by the gym owner as a means to lower salary expense to the gym.

I realize this issue is something that varies from gym to gym…but in our case, our gym owner lived in an estate in a gated community and drove a $120K sports car, so he definitely had the profit motive angle figured out. After 11+ years with this gym (first gymnastics-then cheer), I saw enough to know for a fact pushing students into competitive gymnastics meant more classes, more tuition, more private coaching fees.

Don’t get me wrong; this gym produces elite athletes…but they also produce a lot of disappointment. Again, eyes wide open is all I recommend.

emeraldkity4 · December 29, 2007, 11:41pm

I think you have to be careful with gymnastics at such a young age.
I have seen a lot of injuries particulary with kids who are encouraged to train more than once a week.
Strength and flexibility can also be assets on other team sports- plus they have the advantage that you can play them with your friends on weekends, like Basketball .
Another plus for community rec sports is that it is much cheaper than going to a private gym for lessons & the kids are generally from the same school or neighborhood.
If he really likes gymnastics thats great- but be wary of overtraining.

Princedog · December 30, 2007, 12:13am

Yeah but cheerleading is one of things that’s viewed as a money-maker in most gyms - most of the squads generally compete less and work out less than competitive gymnastics teams. At 30 hours a week they wouldn’t have any business if they charged the same per hour that they charge for most classes. My old gym/employer just added a cheerleading program that is technically competitive but considered part of the “class” side of things. Most gyms have the staff to do privates for lower level tumbling and class skills, but for upper level gymnastics it’s usually very difficult for the average gym to fit that into a schedule for the team coaches, who usually work with several different levels at varying schedules.

Like I said there are certainly some gyms with a “name” that can get away with a lot. But this is not generally the case. Boys gymnastics tends to be a particularly sore subject. Many owners have (often times sadly) let it go because it’s difficult for many gyms to maintain boys’ coaches - there are not a lot of boys in competitive gymnastics, which translates to less tuition and lower salaries. I’ve had countless male coaches that would have rather coached boys gymnastics, but the money in this sport is all in girls gymnastics and cheerleading. It’s hard for me to think of many gyms - even top ones for girls (boys is a WHOLE different story) that are in the situation where it’s profitable to recommend moving a boy from class to team. Boys teams tend to have even more limited space and are usually more informal in general. There aren’t as many expectations. Parents of girls in this sport get to a point where they’re willing to do a lot to keep the dream going, but with boys, there are very few opportunities at the top so it just isn’t as encouraging.

Whatapainthisis · December 30, 2007, 1:56am

I did look at our gym site, and I only see that the teams have traveled in the region-- in other parts of the state, but not out of state. I didn’t see any guidelines on their fees, time commitment, etc…

There are only two gymnastics schools in my area that have been around for a long time. There originally was one, but then former students broke away and formed their own company. This happened decades ago. It is pretty obvious at my son’s gym that the owners intend to keep the gym in the family, as the top gymnast (level 10) is the owner’s son (probably the first owner’s grandson).

Because of the distance I am driving, I decided to check out “the original gym”, where my son’s gym family originally got their start. After my calls were not returned, I showed up, and met a coach. He admitted that they had just enrolled a few boys and that they were going to “try to put together a competitive team”, and stated that they would like to have my son ready for competition in 6 months. I actually never went back because I honestly did not feel that my son was physically in that kind of shape and was turned off. They seemed desperate.

So we’ve continued to make the drive to this other gym, who does indeed seem to have a large number of boys, and they do pursue competition. It is not the idea of competition that I was interested in for my son (not that I am against it), but the idea of him getting exercise that uses his own body as resistance and that will account for his petite stature and health concerns. I think that I’ve hoped from the beginning that he would love it and stick with it, and achieve a level of personal excellence, but that does not necessarily mean that he has to compete to do so. Or I may be wrong-- if he does not play the “competition game”, than maybe he will be limited in how far he can go, because this is the only local gym that seems to be training to a high level.

On the other hand, I also am pleased with his interest in dance, and I think that he does like that a lot. I am sure that in time, due to the sheer lack of boys in dance, he may also get asked to up his commitment there too. I’m not sure how that will play out. He got through the hurdle of being the only boy in his class. I am about 99% positive that he is likely the only boy in my neighborhood in dance, and this is not what I’d call an open-minded community in the least. In fact, I have been told that a few snide remarks were made within my own family, and while these people do not know that they were repeated to me, I made it very clear to them that they would not be tolerated. Still, I don’t know if he will love dance enough as he ages to tolerate these types of comments which may start to come forth from peers as they age.

His gym teacher reported to me that he really liked golf, and I know that he enjoys mini-golf with us. I actually do not know how to golf, but would like to learn, so perhaps that is something that we can do together. He also expressed an interest in learning to ice skate, which I am thinking of letting him try too.

Right now, he just seems to be at an age where he wants to try things, but I don’t think that he understands a need for any commitment. For example, we told him that we would not let him audition for the Cinderella performance because if he starts saying “I don’t want to practice”, this is a professional company and production at stake. However, he cried and begged, so now he is in it. I sure hope that I am not dragging him to practices on Saturday evenings. If I do, it will be the last time for awhile that I let him audition for anything outside of the class.

emeraldkity4 · December 30, 2007, 2:29am

wow I didn’t realize that Little Gyms were so big.
Robin Wes who started the program used to live down the street in Montlake from where I was a nanny when my D was little & I took both of the kids to the first Little Gym in Bellevue-
I still remember all the silly names :D

My kids both did Gymboree when they were young- I liked the playground aspect of it more than Little Gym.
Especially my oldest was also very petite- at 8, I think she weighed 40 lbs, ( which is probably why they loved her at PNB and gave her a part in the Nutcracker- which I made her drop- actually I bribed her with getting her ears pierced but she is * tough* when she was 10 weeks early & 2lbs she threw a rattle that was on her warming bed across the room!- I know it was just a reflex but still )

If my kids were 8 and had to be drug to something- I wouldn’t do it-
they had to try something for a year- and while I let them miss because of illness, if it was something that was once or twice a week and they had to be coerced to go- it wasn’t worth it.
I wasn’t doing it for my health & it wasn’t something like brushing their teeth.
Ill also have to add that if I had a kid that was insisting on doing something that would seperate himself from the community in which he was living, I would support him but also find a way to bridge the activity with something that the community was more comfortable with.
But if he was interested but not driven to participate, I would feel that it was much healthier at that point, to find something that he liked to do, but was also something that he could share with his friends.

Whatapainthisis · December 30, 2007, 3:04am

Well, I haven’t yet had to drag him to activities, I just get a moans and groans of “I don’t want to go”. He ultimately does go and has fun when he is there. But it’s taxing enough that I did not want to put up with it for anything else.

Emerald, what I see as a problem is the steretyping of males in dance as being called “sissies” and other names. This is not just a community issue, but a problem everywhere for boys who pick sports or even musical instruments that are not considered “masculine”. For example, my daughter plays the flute, and I have heard that called a “feminine instrument”, yet everyone in my household viewed Greg Pattillo beatboxing on his flute on youtube, and my husband agreed that it was really cool.

I read an article when my son started dance called “Why I’m Dancing Now” by a middle aged married man who began dance and he discussed how the boys always had to sit on the bench while the girls danced because boys were not made to feel as if they can dance. It’s sad to be a boy. I thought it was hard to raise a girl to believe that she can do anything, but I realize now that it is worse for boys. They are told not to cry, not to dance, etc…

My husband went to work and told some guys that his son was in dance lessons, and a few of the guys said “What’s wrong with football”? They don’t give a darn about the fact that my son might enjoy dancing or that football could kill him. They only care that he follow an “appropriate masculine path”. I raised my daughter to believe that she can do whatever she wants and I will do it with him too. However, I will not encourage him to discuss what he does with unsupportive people.

The thing that worries me too is that if I just say “Ok, since I am tired of hearing you complain, no more gymnastics”. Then he just dances, and if he quits that in another few years because of peer pressure, I’ll have a kid sitting in front of the TV. Because he admits “I hate exercise”! Well, so do I. And believe me, I am paying the price for years of saying it and not exercising.

calmom · December 30, 2007, 3:51am

Whatapain, I agree that if you let your son quit because of his complaints you will end up with a couch potato kid doing nothing but sitting in front of the t.v. Your son has the type of personality where he gripes & moans about everything, but you will have to develop a sense from experience as to what sort of complaints to take seriously and when to simply ignore the griping.

Also, try responding with humor rather than taking all his gripes seriously – maybe if you can coax a smile or a laugh things will go more smoothly.

In the future, if you have a situation with your son where he begs to do something like the Cinderella audition, I would suggest that you create a written contract with your son. When my d. was about 5 she begged to be allowed to attend modeling school – I thought it was ridiculous, but I also had a problem with her that I wanted to resolve – she had a tendency to throw temper tantrums. So I told her that “models don’t throw tantrums” and that I thought modeling school could be a good idea if it would help her develop poise and grace, but I would only pay if she would agree that during the course she would not throw any tantrums. She agreed – every time she was on the verge of a tantrum over the ensuing 10 weeks I reminded her, “models don’t throw tantrums”… she remembered the agreement and somehow managed to control herself… modeling school turned out to be rather cool although grossly overpriced… and at the end of the 10 weeks I had a more confident and self-assured little girl who had broken the tantrum habit.

So I think it would be workable for you to ask your son to promise (in writing) that he will not object to going to rehearsals, that he will get ready promptly, etc. I think having a written agreement somehow makes it all seem more serious, and also serves as a reminder.

I also think your son simply has a problem with transitions – my son did as well – so it might be helpful simply to give him plenty of warning and reminders before it is time to go to his classes – a lot of the complaining might simply be because it is difficult for him to cope with changing whatever he is doing at the moment.

I do think that the gym seems to be putting too much early pressure toward competition – I think you should tell the gym that you do not want to consider competition until your son is at a higher level – and if your son wants to compete, then tell him that you you will consider allowing him to compete when he reaches whatever level you set. (I don’t know how your gym sets levels – my daughter’s gym did not let anyone compete until they were at “level 5” - so the issue never came up until my d. had very advanced gymnastics skills. In her case, as soon as she reached that level, she quit, because she did not want to compete and was afraid of some of the more advanced requirements for vault and beam – she decided to do acrobatic dance instead, which allowed her to pick and choose which tumbling skills she wanted to work on mastering).

paying3tuitions · December 30, 2007, 4:18am

If your S likes dance, I hate to tell you but you just simply need to stand up for his right to dance, and realize that he’ll figure out all the advantages for himself.

Both of my boys loved dance. One ended up with a double major in Theater/Dance and Music (two departments). They were always the only boy in class.

Their uncle had broken the territory in a generation earlier. He took tremendous abuse from his older brother (not my tolerant H, but another big brother) and stood up to him this way: “Let me get this straight. You think I should quit dance and go into football to be in a sweaty locker room full of boys snapping towels at me. Instead, I am the only boy dancing with the most beautiful girls in this city. I get to lift them, turn them, and know them all by name. The school doesn’t even bother to build a separate dressing room because I’m the only boy; they just tell me to close my eyes when they change. Ha. They’re always changing. Tell me again, why should I quit dance?”

You’d be wise to show him pictures of some of the great dancers, like Nureyev or Baryshnikov. Look up on the Internet for some of the incredible young men tap dancing now and inventing new forms all the time. DOn’t make a big verbal DEAL or discussion out of this, but you can let your boy see, without comment, that boys dance. Some of the old movies are cute and innocent, like Fred Astaire Singing in the Rain, or Gene Kelley. Rent some old musicals to watch together, like Oklahoma with the dancing cowboys. When he’s older, if he continues, there’s a whole world of musicals to see on rental moves, especially anything by Bob Fosse choreographing, (“Chorus Line”) or see RIchard Gere do some great tapdancing in “Chicago.”

Tell your relatives that some of the football teams are trained in ballet, and if necessary remind them that there are gay men in every competitive sport. Ignore their ignorance. It is truly ignorant today to make wisecracks about boys dancing, for heavens sake. I handled these inuendos (not from family any more, thanks to that uncle…) with an eyeballs-to-the-ceiling and nothing more.

calmom · December 30, 2007, 6:33am

As far as movies go … rent [Billy</a> Elliot](<a href=“http://www.billyelliot.com/]Billy”>http://www.billyelliot.com/) – it’s a great boy-ballet movie & has some good tap scenes as well.

(Note -the movie has an R rating due to language, so you might want to preview it before viewing with your 8 year old – but I think the point of the language is that to show that the boy comes from a rough background & holds his own in a tough environment).

Should I Allow/Encourage My Little Boy To Compete In Gymnastics?

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