I cannot give you advice on what to do or your question.
But, I wanted to say thank you for posting this. As a parent it is helpful to be reminded from time to time of the stress that our kids are experiencing in this process and it can be unfair to further burden them with some of our (the parents) expectations.
That said, I am impressed with the level of self-awareness you express in your next to last sentence and your seeking advice ahead of time so as to avoid foreseen issues as best as possible. Having that skill will benefit you greatly in this process and life in general.