Should I get remarried or not??

Parent Cafe
21

<p>*For many of us with joint custody and 50/50 placement, it is a toss of the coin as to which is custodial for FAFSA purposes, and is more helpful to choose the one with lower income.</p>

<p>It should not be a “toss of the coin”. The FAFSA guidelines are VERY clear. If the student lives equally with each divorced parent, the parent who provides the MOST support is the one listed. That is the parent with the higher income in most cases (unless you can demonstrate that the parent with the lower income somehow is providing MORE of the support). *</p>

<p>Thumper, you’re right. But, I just don’t think many people are that honest when they realize that “mom’s” income gets the kid $5550 in Pell and “dad’s” income won’t.</p>

22

<p>Well, if the kid is living 50/50, it may not be hard to have him spend some extra time with one parent so that that parent qualifies as the custodial parent. </p>

<p>As far as the OP, I would recommend you run the calculators first to see if you even qualify for aid. By the way, does your fiance have children? If so, the same scenario will hold true for your income.</p>

23

<p>GLM,</p>

<p>I was not answering the question as to how fin aid works. I was merely reacting to ek4’s statement that maximus should “pause” about marrying a man who wasn’t willing to have his assets and income considered in determining fin aid for her son. I don’t think such an attitude means the fiance is bad marriage material.</p>

24

<p>I was merely reacting to ek4’s statement that maximus should “pause” about marrying a man who wasn’t willing to have his assets and income considered in determining fin aid for her son. I don’t think such an attitude means the fiance is bad marriage material.</p>

<p>Respectfully I disagree, when you marry that means ( to me) , that you are throwing your life in with another- to share your material goods as well as your family and goals etc.</p>

<p>To marry someone that you aren’t going to live with, who doesn’t consider your children to be part of his family, who owns property that he won’t share ownership with-- why get married?</p>

25

<p>Marriage later in life is another whole ball of wax than marriage when you are young, especially when either spouse has children. I recognize the probability that anyone I fell in love with will have other financial obligations, morally if not legally. I recognize that those pre-existing obligations may limit his willingness to “share” with me. I also admit that my own would limit me from “sharing” with him. </p>

<p>It’s unrealistic, IMO, for anyone to expect that, especially if he has his own kids, he will treat his new spouse’s 16 year old son as if the son were his own. I assure you that it would be an incredibly rare teenage boy who would treat a man his mom married when he was 16 like his father. If his own dad is still in the picture, trying to usurp the role of father will make matters worse. (It is very common for divorce decrees to provide that a child cannot be encouraged to call a stepparent mom, dad, or any other term that’s usually used for a parent. )</p>

<p>The fiance in this case has a job at a distance. He’s not free to move. While the OP doesn’t say so, he may be in the military. If so, moving now is not an option for him. It isn’t for the OP either–presumably in part because she has a 16 year old son who is a senior in high school. </p>

<p>Maybe the OP owns her own home too and they have agreed that each of them will continue to own the homes they bought before marriage separately. So, perhaps it’s not a matter of him being unwilling to share HIS home with her. Maybe they mutually decided to each keep his/her own home. </p>

<p>Maybe except for fin aid considerations, it makes financial sense to get married. If he is in the military, marrying her might make her eligible for free or reduced cost medical or dental care. Maybe he would get a housing allowance for dependents. Maybe she would receive a pension if anything happened to him. Even in civilian jobs, being married could make someone eligible to participate in medical or dental insurance or receive a pension. </p>

<p>So, here’s the deal. The OP has met a nice man who has a job elsewhere. Right now, they can’t live together, but they hope that they may change in a couple of years. At some point, maybe not until they retire, they will live together. They want this to be a serious commitment. Maybe, he wants to make sure that if something happened to him, she would get death benefits and/or a pension. </p>

<p>Or maybe one or both of them has moral objections to shacking up and/or the OP doesn’t think having this guy live with her every other weekend without being married is the example she should be setting for her son. </p>

<p>Maybe a lot of things…it’s not my business or yours. She wants to know the fin aid impact of getting married–she didn’t ask if we approved of her decision to do so on other grounds.</p>

26

<p>It’s unrealistic, IMO, for anyone to expect that, especially if he has his own kids, he will treat his new spouse’s 16 year old son as if the son were his own.</p>

<p>I didn’t say that- BUT IMO, when two people marry- their histories and futures combine and that includes the people that are part of them.</p>

<p>The OP shared the information in the original message that she was not going to be living with her husband for an undetermined length of time, he was going to be living in a house that he is the sole owner of & after the marriage he was going to continue to be the sole owner.
So I am assuming she is not in a communal property state, but also that she had some concerns about his keeping his finances seperate.</p>

27

<p>When I started the college search with S last year. I naively thought that the income looked at would be mine and my exes. I have been divorced from my ex since S was 2 years old. And married to my second H since S was 5.</p>

<p>My H is perfectly willing to help pay for his stepson’s education. In fact he has to, since our household EFC is high and my ex has been unemployed for 2 years. </p>

<p>Even though H has been in my S’s life for all these years, it still seemed to me that the fair thing was to base things on the income of the child’s biological parents. The EFC calculator has put an undue burden on my household, while the ex is not contributing anything.</p>

28

<p>EFC calculator has put an undue burden on my household, while the ex is not contributing anything.</p>

<p>Thats unfortunate- I wonder how many people stipulate providing for higher ed as part of the divorce settlement?</p>

29

<p>How many states ALLOW for college expenses to be stipulated in the divorce settlement? Not ours!</p>

30

<p>Ours does. CD: They actually legally disallow it? That is so surprising to me.</p>

31

<p>Well H & I never got divorced cause we couldn’t afford it.
:wink:

</p>

<p>[-</a> Learn About the Law](<a href=“http://public.findlaw.com/bookshelf-mdf/mdf-12-6.html]-”>http://public.findlaw.com/bookshelf-mdf/mdf-12-6.html)
It looks like some states require stipulation of paying for college, since if the couple remained married, they would have paid, but some states don’t.
I couldn’t find any info about what states forbid that arrangement, but many people may be arranging their own divorces and are trying to make it as simple as possible.
( but what is simple at the time, isn’t so easy later)</p>

<p>more info on college & remarriage
[As</a> the speaker jokingly said, “The golden rule is: Never get remarried if you have a student going to college.” And, he added, “If you’re thinking about getting divorced, get divorced now.”](<a href=“http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/oct/11/on-remarriage-navigating-maze-college-tuition/]As”>http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/oct/11/on-remarriage-navigating-maze-college-tuition/)</p>

32

<p>I wouldn’t swear to the current accuracy of this, but just to give an idea:
[Child</a> Support - Child Support And College Tuition](<a href=“http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childsupportresources/a/childsupportcol.htm]Child”>Divorce Support and Advice)</p>

33

<p>CountingDown,</p>

<p>The fact that a state won’t require a non-custodial parent to pay college tuition doesn’t mean you can’t agree to do so in a divorce settlement. I’d be surprised if any state prohibits a couple from doing so. Granted, when a state doesn’t require it, a non-custodial parent may balk at agreeing to it, but there’s no reason not to try. </p>

<p>I’ve known many situations in which this was included. Some people are able to agree that each parent will contribute a certain amount each year to one of those educational savings accounts. Or just the non-custodial parent will do so. The custodial parent can agree this contribution will count towards child support, so the non-custodial parent’s obligation terminates at 18, but the money is there. Many men–who are usually the non-custodial parent–are more willing to agree to contribute $x each year per child until the child reaches 18 than to agree to pay half or more of the not yet known cost of a college many years later. </p>

<p>Other couples I know–usually those with only one child–have agreed that when the child reaches 18 the family home will be sold and one-half or more of the proceeds will be used to fund the kid’s college expenses. </p>

<p>There are LOTS of possibilities. The problem is that too many people don’t face this issue when they get divorced.</p>

34

<p>Your marriage will not have an impact on his financial aid his freshman year because that will be based on your 2010 earnings when you were unmarried and filed taxes as single or head of household.</p>

<hr>

<p>Not true (apologize if this was addressed earlier but skimmed through & did not see that it was) … if the parent is married, the spouse’s income is added regardless of whether or not they were married during the base year (the year preceding the year for which the FAFSA is being filed). If the parent is remarried on the day of the FAFSA filing, the spouse income is included. If the student is selected for verification & the parent got married between the time the FAFSA was filed & the verification form is completed, the step-parent income must be added in at that point (hey, I don’t make the regulations - I just follow 'em).</p>