I looked up triangulation and found a good article about it. Here’s an excerpt:
<<<It is predictable that everyone will encounter triangulation in their family relationships at some point, whether as one of the dyad seeking stability or as the third party who is being put in the middle. If you find yourself involved in a triangle, it is helpful to ask yourself a series of questions in order to determine whether this triangle will ultimately be beneficial or harmful to the family system:
- Are both people in the original dyad jointly seeking the input of the triangulated member?
- Is the input of the triangulated member being brought back into the dyad itself for mutual discussion and consideration?
- Is the dyad openly and directly communicating with one another before, during, or after the triangulation occurs?
- Is everyone involved, including the third party, able to speak frankly and express their own emotions and opinions authentically?
If the answers to the above questions are yes, then the triangulation is likely to be of the normal type which necessarily occurs in families over time.
- Does any member of the triangle feel overly forced, pressured, stressed, blamed, or manipulated by the interaction?
- Does any member of the triangle feel as if he or she is not allowed to speak freely, express emotions, or ask for needs to be met?
- Is the triangulated member being pulled into an inappropriate role (such as a child being parentified or overly confided in by a parent)?
- Is this part of an ongoing pattern of interaction in which the original problems never seem to be resolved?
If the answers to the above questions are yes, then the triangulation may be the type that is unhealthy and dysfunctional in the overall family system.
If you find that unhealthy triangles are occurring in your family, there are steps you may take to counteract the negative effects of such triangles:
- A triangulated person can decide to step out of the middle by refusing to speak about the conflict with the involved members. The triangulated person may inform the two people in the dyad that he or she will continue to have a relationship with each of them that does not include taking a referee, peacemaker, or other inappropriate role.
- Encourage the original two-person dyad to speak to one another rather than projecting their conflict outward. Open, honest, and direct communication between family members is the most efficient antidote to dysfunction in families.
- If a triangle is still needed for the dyad to stabilize, encourage the two people to seek a professional mediator, counselor, or therapist. The professional will likely become triangulated, but can step into the triangle with a background of training and objectivity which will allow the professional to work from his or her triangulated position to help the dyad return to healthy functioning.>>>