<p>My Dad also has untreatable cancer and has had it for several years; it is tough to know when the end really is near!</p>
<p>I spoke to Hospice advisers to ask their advice on telling people far away when they should visit. The Hospice nurse said to tell every one they should assume he will not be around longer, but rather a shorter time period and if they can visit and would regret not having visited (should he die before the next time they could come) then they should visit.</p>
<p>In other words, each visitor should do the right thing for themselves based on assuming their is less time rather than more. If my brother could come for Christmas, but planned for Easter instead, he should decide if he would still be okay with that choice is Dad dies before Easter. If my brother would have regretted missing Christmas, then he should come.</p>
<p>In the same way, you should do what feels right in your heart assuming he dies sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have two siblings who live far away and neither has dropped everything to care for Dad, they have lives & jobs & houses and cannot just come and be where he is. I have three kids in college and none of them is putting their plans on hold to be with their Grandpa (and they are close to him) They know to treat each visit as if it may be their last, though Dad just keeps going and is pretty functional, too.</p>
<p>My oldest is abroad right now and I was feeling some angst about how she might feel if he dies before she is home and then realised that she has spent the past several years spending quality time interacting with him and she has done what she needed to do. I don’t feel she should put her life on hold and come home, he is excited to hear about all the adventures she is having and would not want her to just put a halt to her life for a death watch.</p>
<p>Whatever you do, think it through and try to look at it from a long term perspective for you and your mother.</p>