My D19 did not play her two sports her senior year of HS opting to work and make $$. So we were the parents that disappeared that year. We did not have to sit in the stands and get asked those questions. It was quite nice.
I will say when the end of the year rolled around and we had the Top 10% dinner and they would announce where the student was going I found it quite interesting. I will say I judged some of the decisions. But I kept my comments to myself!!! See after having a high stats kid who applied to 17 schools last year I had a pulse on what schools were giving for merit. I also have a close co-worker that had a high stats kid and we traded stories and info all year long.
I know some kids either got one of those lottery scholarships(ie 10-15 kids get full tuition) or their parents saved up money or they were taking out decent sized loans.
My D19 got in tuned with the dynamics as well. She didn’t get to go to her first choice because of cost. Cost was significantly better at a school that overall was just as good and the fit was good as well. She by then was saying these people are paying too much to go some schools. But just saying that to me and not them.
When people say “Oh, I would never let my kid go that far away. I would miss them too much”, I say, “It’s not about what I want. It’s about what they want. I’m glad they have the confidence to spread their wings.”
Dealt with what @browniesundae and @yauponredux said a lot. People knew S had a scholarship offer to play his sport for the state flagship, which is about 2 hours away. We could have watched every home competition and probably driven to more than 1/2 of the away competitions. He is at an Ivy a 20 hour drive away instead. I haven’t seen him compete live since last spring, although I will again in April.
I had a friend who gets it say “I hope for your sake he stays, but I hope for his he goes.” I thought that summed it up pretty well actually. I told S that. I also told him that even though it was better for me that he stays that fact should play zero part in the decision. If you want to make me happy, do what’s best for you. That was hard to say, but I 100% thought him leaving was the right choice. I still do.
UPDATE So I had to pull out my DD20s top 5 reasons for choosing the school:
better opportunity to work in a lab with a professor rather than under a grad student,
offers what she wants to double-major in (and it is a well regarded major at the school),
affordable, which also means some funds left for grad school,
nearby internship, volunteer, and shadowing opportunities, and
she feels at home on the campus and in the city.(size, geographic locaton, student vibe, etc).
It was an awkward conversation but at least I was prepared, so slightly less so. I am holding on to many of your suggestions for others that are more acquaintances than friends. ???. I am open to more ideas. We are not through grad party season yet!
Interesting thread. I’ve now gone through the college selection process for three kids and was within earshot of hundreds of conversations about this (because all 3 kids were athletes and I lived in the spectator stands). I never, ever heard a single disparaging word about any kid’s choice…never even saw a raised eyebrow. The parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins and family dog were also free of criticism.
Unsure if it’s my poor observation skills or something about my environment…but every choice a kid makes around here seems to be celebrated. Guess we are lucky.
People generally don’t denigrate the choice of a service academy but, knowing the cost of boarding school, a couple of people assumed we had run out of money and needed free college. A few others thought it a shame that his BS education didn’t lead to something more impressive/lucrative than the military. Best to just say, “I know, right? We’re drinking more heavily these days.”
@dadof4kids You brought back great memories of the conversations we had with S (now a junior OOS). He had all the in state scholarships at the flagship. Was interested in something different. When he had his admission offers, we had him sit down and write what he thought about each school , where he wanted to go, and why. We then discussed that, asked some questions and gave him our blessing. We had one caveat, that he remembered this day and do the same for his kids. Then we had a big family hug. Even though we seldom see him, was a great decision and I know the right one for him. That makes me very happy.
I stumbled upon what has proven to be a great answer to those who question my kid’s college choices and his selection process. Monday evening I was at a school event. One classmate’s mom that I know, and another that I didn’t came up to me specifically (clearly) to ask why my son isn’t “going to Harvard”. I mean, talk about random. Just pulled a college out of midair, and insisted on knowing why he wasn’t going there next Fall!!! My first response, to amuse myself, “Well, one reason is because he didn’t apply, so he’s not admitted to Harvard. They don’t let you attend if you’re not admitted.” The mom that I didn’t know huffed, rolled her eyes, and said, “We KNOW! Why didn’t he apply? He could be going to HARVARD!”
Normally, I’d have been a little taken aback, but my kneejerk response was to lean closer, look perplexed, and ask, “Why would he want to?” Surprisingly, that stumped or shocked them both into silence! Either they thought me too stupid to understand “It’s HARVARD” so, surely, every student must aspire to be enrolled there. Or, they couldn’t come up with a single reason why any one would want to attend “HARVARD,” because they don’t actually know anything about the school, other than the name.
I was on the receiving end of the polite nods and smiles from them. So, my guess is that they went with the notion that I was too stupid to ‘get it’. The feeling was mutual, but I kept my game face on. When in doubt, just put on your best perplexed look, and ask, “Why?” You’ll either be too dumb to bother with, or you can give them the slip when they pull out their phones to Google the schools that they’re pushing over your kid’s choices.
One positive from everything going on right now (yes, I am purposefully coming up with at least one positive a day) is that there will be less questioning of all students’ choices. I think we have all gained some additional perspective on all the variables that impact a college choice: Cost, academic quality, distance from home, ease of travel to/from, stock market impact on the college fund, stability of parent employment, student summer earnings prospects, post-UG job prospects by major, university management and communications, availability of on-line learning, strength of school’s finances, prestige, alumni network, availability of internships and shadowing, etc. I feel for the kids that are now rethinking their initial choice. I hope this thread can encourage them to focus on what truly matters in making their own, unique, well-considered school decision. And, if anyone does rudely question their choice, they can have their own proud response ready. Hang in there everyone!
My son didn’t get into Cornell at first, but was offered a guaranteed sophomore transfer. So, he went to another school he liked freshman year and decided to pursued the transfer. At a party the summer after his freshman year, I was talking with a close friend about his upcoming transfer & new start at Cornell. An acquaintance overheard us, and pointedly asked me why he was transferring to Cornell. And before I could say anything, my friend says (with a dumbfounded look on her face): “Because it’s Cornell!” She had never heard of it & couldn’t understand why someone would go somewhere so far away from California. I could actually give her a good reason that made sense to her – because he wanted to do NROTC & his first school didn’t have that.
