<p>If your marriage is otherwise okay, wouldn’t it make more sense to move than to divorce? I guess I am sensitive because my son has Aspergers and currently has a terrific GF. I hate to think of her divorcing him years in the future because of something he’s just neurologically unable to handle.</p>
<p>No offense to OP but if the police were laughing at the situation and H doesnt want to pursue action then maybe the OP is over reacting to a much smaller scenario than has been drawn by the OP.</p>
<p>I agree with missypie. If you moving out (divorcing) is an option, then moving as a family seems like it would be an option as well. It sounds like anything you do is just likely to escalate the situation. I would seriously consider moving asap. I also agree with the advice you have gotten to install your own cameras. I don’t think you have to make a big deal about them, but I think they may be important for your own protection. I do hope you will find some counseling for yourself as well. This is a lot to deal with and very difficult to think through while you are in the thick of it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If the neighbor is committing vandalism of her property and threatening to kill her or members of the family, then it does not seem to be a “smaller scenario”.</p>
<p>I think this is the same thread that was posted sometime last year. Great advise was given at the time.</p>
<p>^Yes - <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1420616-thinking-moving.html#post15078464[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1420616-thinking-moving.html#post15078464</a></p>
<p>You need to move. That’s just it. Move, get yourself healthy. These people sound like they are putting your children and your marriage at risk, and who knows what they’ll do next. Just take a loss on the house if you have to…do a short sale, foreclosure, whatever it takes.</p>
<p>It is making you too miserable, are you really that attached to this property?</p>
<p>How much do you have invested in the house? How is the real estate market there?
If you have a reasonable chance of selling without too huge of a loss–move. And choose your neighborhood very carefully.
Even if you lost everything on the house, it is better to start over financially than for your kids to lose their childhood, and for you to lose your marriage and peace of mind. You only have one life. Don’t spend it next to neighbors like this.</p>
<p>(Unrelated crazy neighbor story–D’s friend’s next door neighbors–90yo demented woman and her 60-something daughter-- lost their pet poodle. For some reason the 60ish woman became convinced that the neighbor (D’s friend) stole her dog. She called every day, begging for her dog back, offering to pay $$$. She called the police multiple times and said she had seen it in the neighbor’s yard (not true) and that they were hiding it in their house! D’s friend was having a slumber party when police came to “search” the house (they knew the woman sounded crazy, but they wanted to tell her they did a “thorough search” and the dog wasn’t there.) Anyway, the mom had to explain to all the parents the next morning why the police came to the party.
Apparently the neighbor kept calling and accusing them every day and their house was searched a second time. I think they finally got a restraining order. You can’t fight crazy. </p>
<p>(TG my neighborhood is peaceful. Everyone gets along, and no one is TOO crazy.)</p>
<p>atomom: just curious, do you know whether the police had a search warrant?</p>
<p>And to the OP: have you considered hiring an attorney? I think that is your best option here, and a lot simpler than getting a divorce or moving. The parents can be held liable in a civil suit for their child’s destructive actions .</p>
<p>Not really sure–I think the police and the accused neighbor sort of agreed that these “searches” would reassure the mentally ill woman that the dog really, really wasn’t in her neighbor’s house. So I think it was more for appearances than an actual, serious search.
I think that, even before the “search” the police were 100% sure that the dog wasn’t there.
From what my D said, the cops just wandered through the house saying “here, poochie, poochie. . .” and were snickering about the whole situation.
(This is in a very safe suburban area, so the police aren’t too busy. . .)</p>
<p>Why are you so worried about the cameras? I agree that they’d be annoying and creepy but there’s likely nothing you can legally do about it and exactly how are they harming you or preventing you and your kids from going outside? If the camera wasn’t there but a person there instead that could see what you were doing, would you not go into the yard? The cameras shouldn’t be hurting you. I can tell you a camera pointed at my yard wouldn’t stop me from going out there.</p>
<p>I think you should go outside and enjoy your yard if it’s only the cameras that concern you.</p>
<p>The neighbor’s kids aren’t permitted to vandalize your property - i.e. cutting down your trees, etc. The story that the police will do nothing makes no sense. If nothing else, you should be able to sue the parents in small claims court to recoup the costs of the vandalism but you’ll need to prove to the judge that the kids did it.</p>
<p>The kid is very unlikely to be able to kill your kid with a paintball gun. How old is this neighbor kid? If that kid fires the gun at your family you can likely get the police involved on that as well.</p>
<p>As far as the marriage goes, there are obviously some problems that you need to work on. I’m guessing you’ve been married for some years so it doesn’t seem that his current behavior would be anything new. As the saying goes, you picked him, so unless there’s a substantial change in his behavior maybe his overall qualities are still appealing to you despite his unwillingness to deal with this.</p>
<p>I don’t think most police would simply laugh something like this off as you describe - there must be more to that story. regardless, unless you live in a tiny town, you’d likely get different police people on different calls and a different cop might handle the situation differently. It’s worth another try if something else happens.
If your family is unwilling to stand up to these people in a legal way, will continue to let them control you as they seem to be doing now (by you allowing the cameras to stop you from going outside), and impact your well-being and family life, at least move. Sell or rent out the house (if you own it) and move. You need to take care f it one way or the other and that shouldn’t include taking drugs.</p>
<p>Instead of you moving, figure a way to get the bad neighbors to move. Years ago in my neighborhood there was a horrible family that lived on a nearby cul-de-sac that terrorized all the other neighbors on the street. The ‘bad’ family had two young adult sons and two teen daughters living with dirt ball parents. The boys were drug dealers and did things regularily on their street like shooting shotguns night and day over neighbors roof tops, the girls were prostitutes and the parents were their pimps! The neighbors hated/feared them. The bad family was hurting financially and a real estate broker who knew the situation in the neighborhood approached the bad family about selling. They must have said they’d consider it…the next door neighbors bought it the next day in wife’s maiden name so sellers wouldn’t know it was their neighbor buying. Anyway, the bad family moved back north and opened a topless bar with house sale proceeds. The bad wife after a few months operating the bar, contracted with one of her cooks/bartenders to kill her husband so she could collect on a $10,000 life insurance policy the husband had. The husband is now dead and the wife and cook are in prison, but my neighborhood is fine now.</p>
<p>^OMG what a story. All that for $10k. At least increase the amount so it’s worth it. LOL.</p>
<p>Thanks for the explanation, atomon!</p>
<p>It sounds to me like you have to separate out legitimate problems from percieved ones.</p>
<p>You have a neighbor boy behaving in an intrusive and threatening way, likely with the help of his family. That is something to be concerned about. Depending on the severity of the threats, it might even be something to move over.</p>
<p>However, your kids are not losing their childhood. As GladGradDad said, while it might be kind of creepy to have your family being filmed, I’m not sure that it warrants not allowing the kids out in their own yard under supervision. If that isn’t an option, many people have suggested taking them to play elsewhere. Inconvenient, yes. Childhood ruining, no. </p>
<p>I also find it very hard to believe that none of your friends will come to your house. If the cameras can’t see into the house, why couldn’t someone come for an indoor dinner? Maybe there are a few people who are so freaked out by your crazy neighbors that they wouldn’t even take the risk of being in the area, but I doubt it is your entire social circle.</p>
<p>What these instances of excessive worry suggest to me is that you are inflating very real concerns to the point where they are perhaps leading your husband and the police to dismiss even the valid parts of your complaint. They are also, I’m sure, leading you to feel more hopeless than you need to. You haven’t even exhausted your options - an 11 year old may not be able to be accused of stalking under Texas law (which makes sense), but that doesn’t mean that he or his parents can’t be held responsible for many of his actions. Getting a lawyer will inform you of your legal rights and, perhaps, get the police to take you more seriously.</p>
<p>I agree with apprenticeprof that OP’s report seem unreliable. Her posting history includes a number of complaints that involve other odd perceptions of circumstances and difficult relationships with various authorities (law enforcement, multiple school administrators and teachers). I think there is much going on here that we can’t see and that the well meaning advice being offered is probably a waste of time and effort.</p>
<p>There was another thread a while back about this same situation…was it by the same OP?</p>
<p>Yes thumper. MaineLonghorn linked the previous thread (Nov '12) in post #46.</p>
<p>Yes-- this sounds like more of the same that was posted before. Whats to gain by posting again and not following recommendations?? If , IF this is real, I love the idea of getting a guard dog and mounting a large sign warning others to stay out and that the dog is a guard dog. Also consider planting poison ivy or poison sumac or some other irritant where they tresspass. Also consider putting large mirrors on your house to cause the cameras to reflect back on them…</p>