<p>sk8rmom – I’d like to compliment you for your very moving and heartfelt posts.</p>
<p>I read them and afterward I felt very tired. It’s the idea of children taking care of their parents that made me so tired, it’s supposed to be the other way around. This should be a very exciting time in Nattilee’s life, she has worked very hard to be in the position she finds herself in. She is a strong candidate for some wonderful schools that she will more than likely be offered a full ride to attend. Instead she is burdened with problems that no one her age should have to worry about.</p>
<p>In your case your parents only needed temporary help. They wanted to be on their own two feet and everyone pitched in to get through some challenging times. Sadly, there are some people who will always want someone else to take care of them. The more you do for them, the more they expect you to do. You are right, I don’t know if Nattilee’s mother is one of these people or not.</p>
<p>I’m concerned that if Nattilee takes on responsibilities for her mother now, that really should be with her mother, then what is supposed to be a temporary arrangement will drag on and Nattilee will end up not going to college.</p>
<p>If Nattilee can get a college degree then she can get a good job and then she can decide, as an adult, how much help she wants to give her mother. If she then chooses to help she will be in a position to really help, in a way she won’t be able to without a college degree.</p>
<p>Hmmm, I have several decades of experience in working with low-income families - in all their shapes, sizes, and colors - and thought I lost my “narrow world view” a long time ago! IIRC, you’re a freshman or sophomore in college now so, despite the hardships you have personally endured, is it remotely possible that your perceptions are a bit colored by your own somewhat limited experiences as well? My story is really no different than millions of immigrant families in which the children were, and often still are, expected to help their families in times of need. There was nothing “rosy” about it and my life didn’t just happen to work out - it was a lot of very hard work and sticking together, and still is! It’s fairly recent that the vast social programs have been in place and spawned this “me first” generation and, quite frankly, it isn’t working very well and hasn’t done much for our society either. As I said, I’m not opposed to anyone seeking outside help if it’s needed but can’t you try to put yourself in the shoes of a non-native speaker who likely has had few opportunities, certainly can’t work in her normal capacity (which may be the only type of work she is qualified for) atm due to her recent foot surgery and has been denied the unemployment benefits she probably deserves but wouldn’t get right now anyway due to disability…how exactly would you suggest she “step up to the bat” and provide for herself and her kids until they get approved for whatever other benefits they may be entitled to?!</p>
<p>I must have missed something…where does it say that her savings are dwindling? The OP owns her own car, is working and has $7K in savings, excellent stats and a real shot at great schools and significant aid! All of that seems to be pointing toward a bright future if she gets her apps in and keep working hard. Nothing she has posted indicates to me that this request for assistance is anything other than an opportunity for her to be a supportive and loving daughter during an unusually difficult time in her mother’s life. The timing is unfortunate, but certainly not of her mother’s choosing! Anyway, it’s for her to decide and live with, as we all must. </p>
<p>It’s disheartening to me that the majority feels that a child should refuse a parent’s simple request for help in their hour of need - especially one which could affect the child’s own living situation! Is it really too much to expect this woman might be entitled to a bit of compassion and dignity after being fired for little or no cause and having to undergo what is, I’m sure, a painful and frustrating medical procedure? I have to wonder if you’ll feel the same way when your own child turns his back.</p>
<p>It’s disheartening to me that you seem to think that it is better for a child to take care of a mother than for a child to do what is necessary to break the cycle of poverty. It is disheartening to me that you seem to think that all families exist in some perfect sphere, and that all the mother needs is a little “help.”</p>
<p>I can only hope that if I am a dysfunctional or struggling mother, my child will turn his or her back to save his or herself. I have been an enabler. I have seen enablers around me. I would rather be abandon than enabled, but more importantly, I would rather fight my own fight while my son or daughter angles him or herself into a better position.</p>
<p>As for this:</p>
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<p>There are five pages of suggestions for nattaliee and her mother. Some of them include:
keep fighting for unemployment
visit food banks
apply for payment stalls or plans with utilities companies
apply for food stamps and other federal means-tested benefits
apply for or continue to receive free or reduced lunch programs</p>
<p>But I won’t further derail nattaliee’s thread.</p>
<p>nattaliee…I must agree with applicannot (whom by the way is INCREDIBLE) on this one – do NOT deplete your savings or give up your dream of going to college! The best way to assist this woman whom I know you love dearly, is to focus first on yourself and secure your degree. Once obtained, if you so choose, you can then assist her financially for you will be in a better position to provide. At eighteen, however, you are simply doomed to subject both of you to abject poverty if you continue to work at a dead-end job which offers a meager pay. If you really love your mother, at this point, show her your affection with a warm embrace and helpful advice, not money. </p>
<p>You had posted the following:</p>
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<p>How long have you been in the states? Was your mother here on a temporary work visa of some sort? The reason I ask is not to be nosey but rather because I’m trying to discern your mother’s elibility for public assistance. You might want to glance over the following website:</p>
<p>I found this excerpt to be perhaps most noteworthy for your situation:</p>
<p>What Types of Welfare Are Immigrants Eligible For?
As of the 1996 welfare reform bill, the following applies to eligibility for federal and state funded welfare programs: </p>
<p>Legal immigrants are barred from all federal means-tested public benefits for five years after entering the country and barred from SSI and food stamps until citizenship. They are also barred from all federal means-tested public benefits for five years.7 </p>
<p>Benefits available to immigrants include school lunch and breakfast programs, immunizations, emergency medical services, disaster relief, and others programs that are necessary to protect life and safety as identified by the attorney general, regardless of immigration status.8 </p>
<p>Illegal immigrants are barred from the following federal public benefits: grants, contracts, loans, licenses, retirement, welfare, health, disability, public or assisted housing, post secondary education, food assistance, and unemployment benefits. States are barred from providing state or locally funded benefits to illegal immigrants unless a state law is enacted granting such authority.9</p>
<p>You may be a third generation, in which case this is of little use. Again, PLEASE work on those applications and supplements. I see that you’re from VA and applying to UVA as well as ED to Swarthmore through Questbridge. UVA meets 100% of need, and you are an in-state applicant which should make admission a bit easier. My point is that should Swarthmore not pan out, there are many options out there for you. UVa and William and Mary are just a couple to name a few. You may wish to choose to be closer to your mom, and then again, you may not. This is a very personal decision and one only you can make; however, you won’t be able to make it unless you apply! My prayers are with you! :)</p>
<p>S8ker- you lost me with your reference to “me first generation”. Please remember that you are addressing your posts to a child. Admittedly, a very mature child- but a minor. It offends me that you would characterize the many social welfare programs in this country that are funded both by taxpayers and by a wide range of non-profits as “me first generation”. Whether you have a political bone to pick or not (and I suspect from your tone that you do) it doesn’t change reality for this particular kid- her 7K is not enough to support her mother for very long, and so whether she gives it to her out of guilt or a misplaced sense of responsibility, it is not good long range financial planning for the mom to rely on the D for a “going forward” plan. It will keep them both mired in poverty. And that’s one of the reasons why private colleges extend generous aid to kids like this, and one of the reasons why this kid should be encouraged by the “grownups in the room” to get the mom systemic help, not a 4 month reprieve, during which time the mom’s eligibility for various programs may or may not elapse. </p>
<p>It’s great that you believe in pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. I too grew up in an immigrant family and truth be told- some people make it up, and others get stuck in an endless cycle of each generation being less educated and more pathetic than the previous one. If you don’t have siblings and cousins who have become their own worse enemies than you are indeed blessed. And all the help and loving support from their family can’t get them out. 2K here and 2K there; siblings taking on second and third jobs to help out the one who’s in trouble; everyone pitching in. Not much to brag about 25 years later when that sibling now has her own kids, all of whom need 2K here and 2K there “just to make my car payment because if I lose my car I lose my job”. We’re cheerful about it too- just like your family- but it still doesn’t get the kids to college or into a trade or some steady, skilled employment. It just prolongs their ability to pretend that they are independent and to feel superior to people who rely on government assistance.</p>
<p>OP- we are all rooting for you. Stay the course.</p>
<p>nattaliee, I read your posts too and am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. I really hope you take the offer from applicannot and message her because she is someone who can really give you some good advice and direction. Even if the stories are not 100% the same the bottom line is that both of these girls have grown up in difficult situations and have risen above what cards they were dealt in life. I am feeling so blessed that I have been fortunate enough not to have to grow up like this but hope that one day I will make enough money to give a full paid scholarship to a girl like either of you… that is my goal. I am applying to Penn too so if you want any help with your application or for me to help review your essays please email me… I would be happy to help. Good luck an I will keep both of you in my prayers. </p>
<p>applicannot…I agree 150% with you that you have to help yourself first in order to be able to help others. You are doing the right thing to stop the cycle in your family and get a great education. You are a really an inspiration, keep up the great work!</p>
<p>I think everyone needs to assess their own situation. If the parents are hard working and have an emergency, certainly helping makes sense. if the kids have seen a pattern of parents continuously losing jobs and/or they see parents who have a pattern of taking advantage of others for their own support, not helping is the healthy response.</p>
<p>It takes great courage to break the cycle of poverty when family wants to hold you back.</p>
<p>applicannot - How wonderfully generous of you to add your advice here! Try not to get too distracted with the general debates… just study hard and help the OP via PM as time permits. Good luck to you both ;)</p>
<p>“Why would the OP dip into her dwindling savings to improve upon a situation that can be fixed if and when her mother steps up to the bat?”</p>
<p>Actually, the OP has indicated that mom has tried her best to step up to bat - she was working, but was fired RECENTLY (in what seems like downsizing but was disguised by a big corporation as insubordination…doesn’t seem beyond Walmart to do it…). She got surgery on her feet and is having trouble finding another job. She speaks English but not well, so her appeals process and ability to navigate social safety nets has failed.</p>
<p>The issue here is that people are looking at this in a very black and white light - INCLUDING the OP. OP can either help herself/himself, or help mother. I don’t think OP has to choose. OP can help mother navigate the safety net landscape, can reach out to the community, can help where the mother’s English is limiting her. BUT OP shouldn’t drop plans of great financial aid and college. If helping the mom means these things are dropped, then the helping has gone too far. OP’s mom has to live in the shelter for a time but then can live the rest of her life with OP after a job is secured, then it’s worth it to sacrifice in the short term. </p>
<p>I think only OP can walk the fine line here but hopefully he/she realizes they don’t have to go it alone and that it doesn’t have to be an either or situation.</p>
<p>Blossom, you are soooo very wrong…I don’t have any political agenda but I do have a PEOPLE agenda. Almost every day, I witness what the lack of simple human kindness, dignity, and compassion does to people and it’s done at a great loss to us all. Some encouragement, and a little bit of help in a true emergency, is exactly what the majority of these people needed from their families, friends, or even the social programs but unfortunately did not get. These aren’t people who drink their welfare checks away, live on the dole, abuse their families and friends, are constantly needy, and other such things…just hard-working, simple, honest people who had the rotten luck to have a series of misfortunes like the OP’s mom has recently experienced. It can, and does, happen to all sorts of people - health issues, theft, crime, fire, war, floods, accidents, and all sorts of things they never went looking for and certainly didn’t deserve. </p>
<p>Please do not delude yourself by thinking that no one falls through the cracks or that everyone can get help from social programs - by the time many of these programs kick in, if ever, the situation has usually gone from bad to worse and it just takes them far longer than necessary to get back on their feet again. Btw, applicannot is not likely a minor, and neither she nor nattalee have been given the luxury of growing up like most children. I will not dishonor them by making it seem otherwise but I think that we all dishonor people who are truly suffering by assuming that we’re somehow better than they are, or at least immune to suffering a similar fate. No one is and, without the support of families and friends, we had all better hope that our luck doesn’t suddenly change. </p>
<p>I DON’T have axe to grind with the social programs or unemployment insurance, but they simply don’t work very well and to suggest otherwise is very naive! Nearly every program I can think of is overburdened, shorthanded, underfunded, and most are only designed for use in fairly narrow circumstances. For example, she probably won’t win her appeal for unemployment because she’s actually not fit for work until she recovers from surgery. Until she’s been unemployed for a month or two, her income is probably too high to receive other benefits. By that time, she may not have a permanent addres and thus will not be able to qualify for the aid she needs. Do you understand how this could rapidly become a problem for people who haven’t had the income to both provide for their families and save for a rainy day? Millions of Americans fall into this category and are only a few paychecks away from disaster and we simply do not have the resources to “save” them all! It’s a very good thing for all of us that many of them do have families who will step up to help and the smaller crises will pass before they ever qualify for benefits.</p>
<p>I am so impressed with nattaliee and applicannot, they are great examples of fine young people with a lot to contribute to our society. I am also moved by the many people on this board who offer such compassion and heartfelt feedback–on this thread and many others.</p>
<p>Should the OP help her mother, and derail her college plans? For me, it is a philosophical question, and the answer is easy. I have two children. They are 30 plus years younger than I. If I had to choose–me or them–they would win every time. I would give my life for them. I’ve had a great life, more than 50 years of it. It’s their turn. If there is a choice to be made, does my life now have to get really bad, or theirs? Easy. Make mine miserable, give my kids a chance at a great life. Someone has to fall? Make it be me, not my 22 year old or my 18 year old. Let me be the poor, sick one, let my kids blossom. Those of us who have gone through times when our children are seriously ill have felt this before. Please God, make me be sick if that would heal my child. </p>
<p>OP, it is your turn. I wish you the very best.</p>
<p>Applicannot, I understand your standpoint, but defying your mother (refusing to be slapped and applying for schools far away) are NOT the same thing as refusing to help feed and clothe her. No one is saying that OP has to spend all of her savings on her mother, but I believe it would be selfish to not at least carry her through the darkest hour if it will help her get a job or at least be able to eat. I wasn’t at all suggesting that the OP up her work hours or give all of her money to her mother, only that the suggestions to not give her a single red cent are a bit extreme.</p>
<p>I also don’t know what you are talking about about not understanding the “culture of poverty.” I grew up working-class - not poor, but my family didn’t solidly enter middle-class until later in my life. Moreover, I study these things for a living now. Public assistance isn’t as magical and immediately available as many people tend to think, and even if they are, they take time. It may take weeks or even a month before Nattaliee’s mother receives her first assistance check, but she can’t stop eating for a month before she gets the money. I was not suggesting that she support her mother and that her mother not apply for benefits AT ALL, only that if she has to dip into her savings for a couple of weeks to sustain her family, then she should.</p>
<p>Again, why are you assuming that I am saying that she should not get benefits or that I believe that all upward mobility requires is hard work and an education? Like I said, I study health disparities predicated on economic class as part of my job, so I have no delusions about this. I also don’t think life will be perfect if she just wishes on a star and applies to college. At the same time, though, she needs to survive. Funneling money into a low-income family is completely different from helping your mom survive for a few weeks until she can get her benefits on her feet.</p>
<p>To an extent this is something we all encounter. And it hurts. I’m not disagreeing with you here - this is something we all have to work on. But I don’t think the best point of action when we are not sure on our feet is to dedicate ourselves to others - no, not even our mothers. I don’t think that nattaliee’s withholding funds is somehow a lack of human kindness! If anything, it’s compassion that she would use to do it - knowledge that unfortunately, it’s this monetary resource that’s preparing her to do a lot more good in the future.</p>
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<p>Thanks, and I think you have a great point. The problem is this - when in the future do you see this situation dramatically improving? The problem with poverty is that for most people, it’s locked in. Nattaliee’s mother may very well be a model citizen - but the fact of the matter is that no matter what monetary satisfaction nattaliee can provide now, if nattaliee’s mother is really going to have that much difficulty finding a new job, things aren’t likely to change any time soon. Since that’s the case, why would nattaliee make a sacrifice that would affect her, potentially, for the rest of her life?</p>
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<p>I guess this is where I’ve lost your argument. Yes, there is a very good chance that there are no benefits waiting for nattaliee’s mother on the other side of this. This means that nattaliee’s job and savings will only take them so far - even on the most frugal budget, that’s only a couple of months. So nattaliee continues to contribute money to the family - but a few months from now they are in the same position. Only this time nattaliee no longer has her savings account safety net, and in addition to her family struggling she doesn’t have the money for a plane ticket to the college that accepted her. What do you suggest then? Whether nattaliee contributes or not, her family is in a dire situation - I’m saying that I’d rather see nattaliee out of it with what she has than to see her family’s comfort extended an extra two or three months.</p>
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<p>I apologize for not also saying that I did that, as well. I also refused to pay the electric bill, which means I spent a portion of my summer in the dark. And I stopped putting gas in the car, which meant I wasn’t about to go anywhere. My mom hasn’t had new clothes since I was in the single digits and there were plenty of times when my dinner was offered at someone else’s house when my mother had PB&J. Maybe you think that’s cold. I think it’s sacrifice. Did I enjoy doing nothing for my mother? No. Did I think that giving her my last $500 was going to change our lives? No.</p>
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<p>I’m not disagreeing with you here. But I do not believe that nattaliee’s monetary contributions will do either of those things - they might eat for awhile, but that’s limited, and her mother isn’t going to find a job because nattaliee put $200 on the table.</p>
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<p>I have found that life is a slippery slope. As I said originally, I recognize that position is extreme - but I’m more concerned that the OP follow it than that others disagree.</p>
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<p>For a lot of people, poverty is not just the result of circumstance but also the result of a mindset. This street goes both ways. And I’m not saying the “let’s drink away welfare” mindset but the one in which life is so hard that every time there is a fix for something, it’s easy to back off. I want nattaliee and her mother to keep fighting, and I believe and know from experience that that means nattaliee should hold onto her dreams and the safety net that will take her there.</p>
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<p>She doesn’t have to - as we’ve suggested, there are siblings, small contributions from nattaliee IF she feels like that’s the best idea, and food banks. I realize that nattaliee’s mother is lucky to have nattaliee to fall back on but as far as I’m concerned they should both work together to survive this but without the extra burden on nattaliee.</p>
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<p>I didn’t realize that I referenced you directly, but if I did, I probably assumed that because of something you said.</p>
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<p>That’s assuming her mother gets onto her feet - and what if she doesn’t? What then? What do you suggest? That’s why I’m saying nattaliee shouldn’t set any kind of support precedent. I know nattaliee and I would both love to play the hero and still accomplish what we need to accomplish, but that isn’t going to happen. Life is full of tough choices.</p>
<p>With reference to no one in particular, I find it extremely difficult to take seriously anyone who discounts the ideas, experiences, opinions, or facts of others because of age. I don’t assign authority or wisdom to anyone based on title, age, or what have you - and that goes for the younger and the older. I think a lot can be gained in life with that world view. I’ve learned just as much from “adults” as I have from “children.” I think people are quick to think that status gives them some kind of credibility, but that simply isn’t true. The real key is coherency. Then again, I was the student who stood up to bully teachers because being a teacher doesn’t make you an authority figure in my book, and that goes for just about anyone. So while I recognize to so many I am “just a kid” or “just eighteen” but the fact of the matter is that I have lived more than many fifty-year-olds and there are five year olds who have lived more than me.</p>
<p>Nataliee-- Only you know your own situation, your family’s dynamics, your mother’s expectations of you, and your expectations of her. </p>
<p>You have received excellent advice here. I want to be another voice emphasizing that you take care of yourself first and nail those college applications!! Write the best essays that you possibly can! You have a bright future ahead of you. </p>
<p>At the same time, I would like to second the sentiment expressed by UMCP11… that it need not be black-and-white. Only you can decide how much you want to help your mother at this time, if at all. If your entire family expects you to pick up the slack, hand over your wages, and refrain from attending college because of this, clearly you will need to take a firm, clear-cut stance on how much help you give or else you will enter the slippery slope so aptly described by applicannot and other posters. You will need emotional support for yourself (even if it is in the form of an anthem or mantra) to continue to see your actions toward your dream as legitimate and primary, and to counter intimations or accusations of selfishness. I grew up in a family in which the roles were partly reversed, and in which support (primarily emotional and caretaking) flowed more from child to parent than the other way around, so I understand how tricky it can be to extricate oneself from this type of family dynamic, if that is, in fact, your situation.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if some of your accomplishments have been because of support and encouragement from your mother, if she wants you to live your dreams, and if you she has been a self-reliant person all along, a modicum of support (emotional and/or financial and/or informational) would not be unreasonable. In fact, it would be decent and kind. I have also worked with low-income families for an entire career, and see some families as described by many posters who are always one crisis away from disaster, and the crisis is always someone else’s fault. Putting in a bandaid or temporary fix is just that, creating a brief reprieve before the next crisis. I also see low-income families that extend help to one another, demonstrate love and solidarity, and moreover do manage to very nicely launch the next generation out of poverty. They are more than functional. They have all their ducks in a row, except the monetary one, so to speak. Only you know where your family is in the continuum. So, act accordingly. </p>
<p>And one final, concrete suggestion. Virginia 2-1-1 is a number that anyone in Virginia can dial to get access to many types of social service support. This may be more direct than waiting in line to speak to a guidance counselor. You have been given the phone number for government social services; 2-1-1 could also link your family up with other private organizations that may assist during times of need. These may be organizations that have one-time-only rent assistance, free food and clothing locations, one-time assistance with payment of utilities, ongoing low-cost utilities (HEAP, lower-cost phone) etc.
If your family prefers on-line searches, 2-1-1 website also allows for this. [2-1-1</a> Virginia](<a href=“2-1-1 Virginia”>2-1-1 Virginia) At any rate, either have your mom call 2-1-1 or you do the basic research, and then give your mom the numbers of the individual organizations for her to call while you are at school and work.</p>
<p>My best wishes to you and your family. Please keep us posted!</p>
<p>I’d like to thank you all for the continuing help and advice. I really don’t know where to start to respond…</p>
<p>First I’d like to clarify that my mother and I are legal immigrants. She is a permanent resident and I am a dual citizen (my father was a US soldier, I was born on a military base in germany). I’d also like to clarify and say I’m pretty sure my mother got fired because her manager didn’t like her and is discriminatory. My mom has told me that the very same manager has talked to other cashiers while they were texting. </p>
<p>I’d also like to say that I do come from not the best family. Which just goes hand in hand with being poor. I have met a lot of people who told me that they were happy they grew up poor. That being poor brought their family together, and they had great values instilled into them by their hardworking parents, and they never even realized they were poor really. I think this is great, but it is not always the case. My family got pulled apart, whether because of money or drugs or who knows what.</p>
<p>I say this because a few have mentioned my older siblings. My older sister would help, if she could. But she and her newborn son actually live off of the kindness of the father’s family. She actually needs a lot of help herself. My brother on the other hand, he can’t help much either. But he wouldn’t help at all either way. He only talks to my mom when it is extremely necessary. If we did lose the house, he wouldn’t let us stay any longer than a night at his house, if even that. To sum it up he’s very bitter about his childhood and his life in general. So basically all my mom really does have is me.</p>
<p>I’d also like to say that I by no means ever even considered not helping my mother, or letting her slowly perish on the streets or anything like that. I love my mom and she is incredibly hardworking and has supported three children single-handedly, with no more help than free school lunches, for a good chunk of her life. I mean there were three different instances when I was a baby and child where she was given the option to very easily leave me, but she stayed with me each time. And I’m grateful for that. I’m going to get us whatever help I can. I’ll make it work. But I’ll also get my college apps in.</p>
<p>Oh, I’d also like to clarify that my mother isn’t disabled. I said that she probably can’t get a job because she walks like she’s disabled. What I mean is it is hard for her to walk normally because of her feet. Her feet have hurt her for the last two years and she finally got surgery on them where they went in and removed 6 cysts. She has walked slowly and oddly though for a long time because of the pain and we’re not sure how long it will be before she, or if she even ever will, walk normally. The doctor thinks that if she does start walking normally again, it’ll be in two months. And I say that she probably won’t get a job because the only experience she really has is being a cashier/working in a store. And I’m pretty sure whatever store she is going in for an interview for is going to silently note that she seems somewhat crippled and that she has a thick accent and is going to politely tell her that the position has been filled.</p>
<p>Also, thank all of you guys who gave public assistance advice and links and the phone number and help in general. I’m going to be sifting through this information and hopefully find us some help. I’m not sure of what we’ll qualify for but we’ll see (:</p>
<p>I have been reading this thread and sitting on my hands not to post.</p>
<p>I want to say to natillee that I am sorry for your situation on hand. Life sometimes throws you a curveball at the most inopportune time, and hopefully you work through it and go on.</p>
<p>I also want to give my greatest admiration to applicannot. What she has gone through and to come out where she is shows the greatest perserverence of a woman of any age, much alone hers.</p>
<p>That being said,I have to disagree with the majority of the posters here who are in favor of showing her mother so called “tough love.” I have been the mother in the same situation as nattilee. My daughter, in her senior year of HS worked probably 25-30 hrs. a week at a restaurant as a server. She gladly contributed to the household bills (it was just the two of us since she was born) without hesitation. At the time, for a brief moment, it would have meant homelessness for us. Did I wish she didn’t have to use her earnings for this, of course. Does she resent me for it, not a bit. She always said we were a partnership. Do I wish I would have never needed her help, hell yes, but it happend. It also was at the same time nattillee that you are going through the crisis with your mom. I know you will get into a great school with FA that the $7000 is not going to be that important to you. Are you by any chance a URM? I can direct you to Gates which will pay for everything including your work study which typically covers personal expenses. My D was a QB match and a Gates recipient, and she can live off those two scholarships. I guess my point is do you think a monetary value of even a few thousand dollars is not worth helping your mom? It sounds like she has been a responsible adult taking care of you, do you not think lending her a helping hand is the right thing to do?</p>
<p>Nattilee I am glad to hear your college applications will be submitted. I have a suggestion for food, contact Angel Food Ministries ([Welcome</a> - Angel Food Ministries](<a href=“http://www.angelfoodministries.com%5DWelcome”>http://www.angelfoodministries.com)). You can order food at drastically reduced rates, there are many locations in Virginia (and throughout the US). There is no qualifiying. Right now for $31 you can pick up:</p>
<p>1 Dessert , 1 1.5 lb. Lean Hamburger Steaks (4 x 6 oz.), 1 1.94 Tray Pack Chicken Breast Fillets , 1 2 lb. Breaded Chicken Breast Bites, 1 2 lb. Mac & Beef Dinner Entr</p>
<p>It would be worth checking if any local churches have a Stephen Minister (layperson volunteer) to help your mom. You don’t need to be a church member or a believer to be a “care receiver”. The program provides support for anybody going through a tough time, willing to accept a helping hand. </p>