My mother would have never allowed me to “host” a party where there was beer drinking, but some other parents looked the other way while the kids were in the back wing of the house. But my senior year my mother had to go out of town quite a bit and I had the house to myself. At that point there were some parties that made the one Steff threw in Pretty In Pink look tame. I still remember the maid busting up in my room demanding to know what the canoe was doing in the pool. Bleary-eyed me: “Canoe? Pool?”
My wife travels, and I really need to travel, too, but there is just no way I’m going to leave the kids in the house by themselves. I know too much!
Parents who “host” any kind of event where drinking takes place are often treated as Satan’s half-siblings. Back in my day this was common, particularly for seniors or kids who were graduating. Today parent hosts face prosecution. Yet I would rather see an adult host an event where the kids spend the night then have the kids ride around. But my wife and I aren’t going to be the ones to do it.
Back when I was in high school, there parents and school hosted a grad night party right after graduation. Plenty of entertainment (enough so that just about everyone went), but dry.
I was a big screwup, and that led directly to my expectation that a lot of other kids will screw up and potentially become awesome adults. That’s what much of my work is about.
I was not the studious child in the family. That would be my older sister. I am sure that is why she went to Smith and I went to U of Colorado.
My dad (a lawyer) was scared to death I would get busted for pot (this was during the Rockefeller drug law days) so gave me permission to smoke in the house. Drinking age was also only 18 and by age 16 all the kids were going out to bars every Friday and Saturday night. My parents didn’t care at all.
I was a stoner. I studied, but I could have done a lot better. It didn’t seem important. We were all going to die in a nuclear war anyway. Still, I was probably 3rd or 4th in my class – until I got kicked out.
DD has always pushed herself, so we never had to. It was easy for her not to get involved in drugs or drinking, since we live in a Mormon community. She had her first drink last year as a college freshie. I believe her when she says that because she made a point of texting me all about it. I’m very grateful we never had to intervene the way many parents do.
I was a good kid in HS - smart, good grades, very involved in my church and in a service club. In my house we were always allowed to have wine/beer with dinner, so drinking was no big deal. I would have a drink with a meal but not to get drunk/party.
For whatever reason my kids were similar. I don’t think I pushed/emphasized school, but they were smart, got good grades, and got involved in activities they loved. Neither was a big partier.
I’m in a Facebook group for my HS, and I’m amazed at the postings from former classmates who recall all the partying they did. I guess I wasn’t invited! Finally a different classmate posted something about her HS experience, which was much more like mine. At least I wasn’t the only nerd!
I loved school, studied, was naturally curious and did very well without ever being nagged.
Did I say curious? It wasn’t just life of the mind curiosity. I tried a lot of things, legal and otherwise. Parents never knew.
My parents are and were very anti drinking, drugs, smoking, risks, etc, very much like modern parents. My imagination far exceeded theirs. My own kids are not as curious as I was.
Things are much less forgiving now. Many things that would have been considered little screw-ups when I was younger are huge big deals now. Even driving -There are many more people on the roads. Schools seem to take things much more seriously, and everything gets broadcasted on some kind of social media.
Risks that people commonly fear like crime and death/injury from motor vehicle crashes are lower now than they were a generation ago.
However, the risk that a misdeed can bring major reputational or legal problems is probably much higher, with cameras everywhere, social media, etc. as well as zero tolerance attitudes in law enforcement and courts with respect to some misdeeds.
Also, the economy is such that getting an entry level job that one can support oneself on is more difficult than a generation ago. Self-funding college study to a bachelor’s degree without parental support (including the support of being able to live in the parents’ house) is more difficult than a generation ago.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but generations ago I don’t know if college educations were stressed as much as they are now. It seemed that you could have a decent life without a college education. Whether true or not, it doesn’t seem to be portrayed as the case now. I don’t know if it’s because less jobs exist that don’t require more than a high school education? Or are there still as many, it’s just that people started going for the ones that needed college educations?
If people didn’t need as much education to lead a comfortable life, than there was not a lot of reason to emphasize it except for a few kids who really wanted a lot of “book learning.”
I think I was very boring in HS. I didn’t party and was an ok student. I think a there was a big difference on the importance of education. We did no college visits and I think I only applied to one school. I just assumed I would get in and I did. I remember flipping through college books in the guidance office at school but not really getting any guidance about any of it. My mom hadn’t gone to college and my dad only went two years locally before WWII. I just don’t think they were aware of what was out there and that the world was beginning to change for women. I wish I had been pushed more.
I agree with MomofWildChild that things are less forgiving now.
The drinking age was 18 and we had several instances where police found us driving with cases of beer and did nothing to us.
We also used to have BB gun fights outside. The police came to the house once about it but nothing came of it.
Today all of those situations would have been a major deal.