<p>I reread my posts and was really struck by how harried, unhinged, and panicked I was! Now that my mind is clearer, I’m going to step down from the soapbox, indicate my gratitude, and close this thread. I agree with those of you who point out that freshman winter can be a difficult time for many (as you know from reading previous posts). And I also agree with those of you who point out that my friend’s negative reactions may be indicative of her depression more than anything else (as you know from reading previous posts). And finally, I agree that at this point, even IF this is a full-blown mental health issue, all I can do is let her know I care about her, provide some food for thought such as the suggestions in this thread, encourage her to seek counseling services, and keep a respectful distance. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now. So thank you all for giving my absent friend and me support in this latest rocky episode of her life.</p>
<p>But because I can’t ever resist an interesting discussion ;), one last post @ Unalove: you have good points, but I think there is a distinction between the stereotype (cultural construct) and the people to whom it may refer (flesh and blood). Referencing a stereotype - that is, a set of common associations in the popular imagination - is not inherently harmful. The problems come when you apply said stereotype as a blind generality. “Everyone who loves Gucci is shallow” is bad. “Some people who love Gucci are shallow?” Not so much. It’s all in the context. Clearly, I sometimes use stereotypes myself - with lots of disclaimers. See 1st post: I may have been sloppy with “hipster” (I didn’t realize that people would have such varied interpretations; in my community the term refers exclusively to certain personality traits and not appearance/behavior), but with “nerd,” I strongly stressed that the stereotype is NOT applicable to every smart, geeky kid who might be labeled as such by others. After such clarification, I see no problem with saying something like “I don’t usually end up being good friends with people-who-fully-reject-the-importance-of-social-interaction, no-matter-how-intellectually-brilliant-they-are” (an expanded version of my shorthand “nerd” in the context of this thread). Nobody’s patronizing me for saying, “I don’t usually end up being good friends with people who are homophobic.” Both delineate personal value systems (“the value of intellect vastly outweighs that of social competence,” “gay people are unacceptable because of their sexuality”) that I don’t agree with myself and that I don’t usually cotton to in others. I’m not judging INHERENT traits or even the individual “nerd”/“homophobe,” but instead voicing my take on specific acquired beliefs. A whiz kid with an EQ of 0 & Aspergers, or someone who hates gays only because of delusional paranoia, would gain my sympathy even if I still probably wouldn’t end up being close to them myself. And let’s face it, everyone makes thousands of these judgments every single day. You’re not going to hang around with a person you don’t find interesting/awesome for years until you finally prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you’re never going to be BFF. The thing is that many people sugarcoat this, saying at most that “Martin and I just didn’t click” (ambiguous, open-ended) as opposed to “I didn’t like Martin because I felt he looked down on my skin color” (concrete reason).</p>
<p>If you want, please ignore the specific example I’m giving (“nerd” in this thread), and just focus on the abstract argument. I’m interested in continuing this discussion, as the topic of labels/stereotypes is one I have mulled upon at length without anyone to debate it with. I’m open to being persuaded if you provide a solid enough argument. If you’re interested in having a friendly intellectual back/forth about this topic as well, please feel free to PM me. Thank you. Annette</p>