<p>(1) Very well written! :)</p>
<p>(2) Too much detail about your family’s financial circumstances! It’s sufficient to state that “due to a variety of circumstances,” you found your family on the verge of homelessness and, for that reason, took a job. You can also say that you started out with part-time work, but were later forced to switch to full-time. You do not need to mention: your father, your grandparents, the Asian-Spanish language issues, or the fact that you agreed to take money “under the table” - which is illegal! Cut this section of your letter to the bare bones.</p>
<p>(3) Too little detail about the solution that will now allow you to return to school full-time, without having to work. You say a cousin has moved into your home. So? Does she have a job? Is her income sufficient to support the family? How long is she planning on staying?</p>
<p>In other words, what reassurance can you give the school that the same situation that happened this past year won’t reoccur? </p>
<p>The school wants to understand what went wrong, but it also wants to be certain that you now have a plan for the future that will permit you to succeed. So, you don’t need to provide tremendous detail about your cousin - but you do need to answer the few questions I listed above.</p>
<p>Again, very good writing. You just need to work on the content. Your final letter should be a lot shorter. (And if you’re not actually spacing between paragraphs, you need to!)</p>
<p>Good luck!!!</p>