<p>Missypie, I think every parent on this board sympathizes with you. We all want our kids to be happy.</p>
<p>I havent been able to stop thinking about your situation. And I keep coming back to this: What about a dog? (If you live in an apartment, a small dog would do the trick.)</p>
<p>So many studies have shown that dogs reduce anxiety. Plus walking it would give your son the opportunity for twice daily exercise of the fun kind. And the responsibility of having to take care of his dog would have him focus on something other than himself. Receiving the unconditional love of his dog would be so comforting.</p>
<p>As for food: He loves fast food, so could you keep turkey hot dogs and low-fat hamburgers in the freezer (wrapped in whole-grain buns); fat-free, baked potato wedges; low-fat string cheese; along with a variety of lean cuisine type meals? And if he has a sweet tooth, what about fat-free, sugar free ice creams and frozen yogurts? Dried figs or mangoes? Frozen grapes and banaas, too. </p>
<p>If he doesnt see overweight as a social problem, then could you direct him to the health aspects of eating right? Chef salads, for example, are a favorite of lots of people, not just dieters. There are so many low-calorie and healthy foods out there that he may like, or grow to like.</p>
<p>Missypie, your mom with a mission approach is right on target. Absolutely astonishing and maddening that the doc’s don’t ask about diet or recommend elimination diet to tease out possible food allergies. I am hypoglycemic - not diabetic but very sensitive to low sugar levels. I do love fast food, though I try to curb it to once every few months. The salt/fat dose is incredibly soothing. I take chromium picolinate every morning (for over 15 years now - available in most supermarkets and pharmacies) to help control blood sugar. When I don’t take it I become ravenous and eat non stop. When I do take it I have normal hunger/eating. I notice that many diet formulations on the market have chromium picolinate as one of the ingredients. This is just my own experience - I heard about this from an uncle who was prediabetic and advised by his doc to try this. That uncle has progressed to full blown diabetes. I know that’s not your son’s issue, but just sharing my personal experience. I have also found that cutting out milk helped my mental and physical health. Surprising effect on personality - less aspergerish. Also less rashy on upper arms. Food and digestion are so important to health; most of us figured this out back in the 70’s so it’s particularly galling (hah) when the doc’s ignore it. Good luck!</p>
<p>Missypie, <em>if</em> your son would agree, one solution would be for you to take charge of his money, and dole it out sparingly. No money, no doughnuts. But that would only work if he actually believes (beforehand) that eating a dozen doughnuts at midnight is a bad idea. He might actually cooperate; the fact that he’s hiding the food suggests that he is ashamed of what he is doing.</p>
<p>You might also want to talk to S about the critters (ants, roaches, potential vermin) that may come into his room if he continues to hide food & eat there. This might not solve the problem but at least reduce the potential of such critters taking up residence throughout the room & home.</p>
<p>That is actually what the EFD therapist advised, with respect to money in general. That he turn over all his checks and deposit into an account that is difficult to access, givng him a smal amount every week.</p>
<p>Thanks again for the responses. I LOVE the idea of a dog. Such a great thought. However, I am married to the Man Who Hates Animals. Since he’s the stay at home spouse, it would be cruel to leave any pet home all day with a person who hates him. BUT, the idea of a pet as therapy is very attractive.</p>
<p>Just adding my 2 cents, mp – controlling the money was what popped into my mind. You’ve said that since S is working, he considers the money his to do with what he wants. Have you thought about charging him “rent” since he’s living with you? It wouldn’t have to be a market rate rent, but a weekly amount that at least helps him understand that everything he earns isn’t available to just spend on “fun” stuff like junk food?</p>
<p>CBB, we have started acting as his “banker.” But that is why the grocery store job may need to go. He can buy an entire large cookie cake off the day old rack for 99 cents. Little Debbie treats go on sale for a dollar a box. He’s become a master of the fast food dollar menus.</p>
<p>Missy - I have really been thinking about you and your son a lot. Can’t help it, professional liability. I don’t want to make any specific suggestions, as I know that IRL I would feel I didn’t have enough info. </p>
<p>I would like to give you some general things to think about based on my experience with high functioning Aspergers students. </p>
<p>One of my concerns is that in all likelihood, your son can be rigid and tenacious. I am worried that the eating started as a way to cope, as a way to comfort himself, but it has turned into a health issue, but also a battleground where he is going to at least control one aspect of his life. I know you must address the health aspects, but I would be very careful not to turn this into you vs. him (controlling money, where he works) because if you do, you will lose. He did not start the eating to get under your skin, but I am afraid that it has taken on a whole new dimension. </p>
<p>Missy, no matter how he is behaving he is an adult. Not a very mature one, a man-child who needs his mom, but doesn’t want to be reminded of it. </p>
<p>I can’t tell you how important it is to make sure that knows you love him no matter how big he gets. When you talk about health to him, all he hears is that you aren’t happy with him. That he is disappointing you. You cannot let your panic show - he will not interpret it as concern, he will think you are trying to take over.</p>
<p>Missy - I think you know I am not being critical of you. I understand more than I can say. Hang in there, you are a terrific mom.</p>
<p>I totally agree with worknprogress2. Instead of trying to control his eating issue by controlling his money, I would get him to a therapist who can help him sort out why he is using food to comfort himself or as a stress reliever and who can then help him find better ways to cope. Binge eating is a eating disorder, not an matter of discipline or control. No amount of controlling him or his food supply is going to fix the underlying issue of not coping with stress well. That’s like taking away an alcoholic’s supply of alcohol and expecting them to be cured. People in the midst of an addiction will always find other ways to get their drug of choice - whether it be alcoholic, food or drugs. Shaming them or trying to control them almost always has the opposite effect.</p>
<p>It’s an online community for parents and other caregivers of children with eating disorders. The moms, dads, and significant others on this forum are amazing.</p>
<p>Why is this a mystery? He’s eating the food because it tastes good. Neurotypicals can balance their immediate urges with impulse control, the ability to evaluate one’s immediate urges and figure out whether giving in to them is a good idea. He is not neurotypical, and, like many people on the autism spectrum, is not skillful at that kind of metacognition.</p>
<p>That’s just it, CF. I’ve been on all these “locate a therapist” web sites, and when I check both the “austim” and “eating disorders” boxees, I come up with zero hits…which is odd to me because i’ve read that quite a few on the spectrum battle anorexia. I wish I had more comfidence in the EFD guy he is seeing now.</p>
<p>workinprogress2, I appreciate your comments. One of the things I keep trying to figure out is how to put him in an atmosphere where he is really good at something again. No matter what his grades ended up to be in HS, everyone knew he was crazy smart. I wish I could just transport him to grad school. His Brit Lit class was terrible because it was all lecture. The teacher would be lecturing on some work on which Son considered himself the expert, but he had no outlet for it. At least at the grocery store, he gets lots of compliments on being a good cashier. Is that why MENSA exisits? So those who don’t necessarily get to use their brains in their jobs can remind themselves that they are still smart? Sorry for my rambling. I appreciate everyone’s concern.</p>