<p>One of my kids has something called a non-verbal learning disorder. For her (and many other students), one impact is terrible organization skills. But we have been working on this with her for years and years… if she falls apart in college, it won’t be because we didn’t know there was a potential issue.</p>
<p>I agree that you need to get her a workup with a psychologist to start with. Go from there to other specialists if necessary.</p>
<p>Yes Cardinal Fang- you are correct. A full battery of tests is required for diagnosis.</p>
<p>BTW, I forgot to say ‘hugs’ to you. There is a big transition from high school to college and then from college to the working world and all the cylinders need to “fire” for kids to make that leap. If it were only so easy as he or she got great grades in high school. Hopefully you’ll figure out which cylinders aren’t firing and he can set off down the path again.</p>
<p>Cardinal, it wasn’t so much that the kiddo was taking college classes that young, although 13 is pretty young socially and emotionally, I more wondered how “old” the son was when he left for college.</p>
<p>psychiatrist or neurologist…let either one rule out a medical problem a psychologist is in no way able to diagnose or treat a medical issue.</p>
<p>“It seems strange that he had no problems in the first half of the semester (you said mid-term grades were terrific)” - This may be a student that is decent on homework and tests but not goo on long term projects (typically due later in the semester). </p>
<p>It is possible for a very bright student to survive hs with “wing it” approach that does not work with intense college academics.</p>
<p>Bookmarked. OP seems to have plenty of advice already. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Hi all, thanks for replying. He is that brilliant, which is why he was home schooled. His grade school papers looked like high school and his high school papers looked like college. I never looked at his work the last two years of high school, I couldn’t parse classes such as JAVA or statistics. He couldn’t get a Calculus class because we’re too rural.
Bi-polar, could be, his birth father is. I don’t see the same manic-depressive behavior though.
Everything I read on Aspergers said that neuro psychological testing was the answer, and I’ve talked to perhaps twenty psychologists and MD’s now that don’t do the testing.
It’s apparently found in high population areas like many specialties.</p>
<p>I would love to have him sit out a semester, but it’s not an option with his college. He has this next semester to get A’s in 5 classes to stay there. I’ve seen him do this before, he can do it if we can all find the trigger point for the fail.</p>
<p>I suspect organization. I’m a highlighter, sticky note, multiple calendar organizer. I sent him off to school with amazing organization tools, both paper and online. Nothing was used. I lined his bed wall with wallies, gave him a “to-do” list pad that doubled as a mouse pad. NADA.</p>
<p>Oh, and because he skipped 6th grade his high school gave him a 5th year of high school. So he was 18. We would have held him back a year otherwise, but our town is so small that he’s taken most of the courses offered at the CC extension and there are few jobs. I don’t know what he would have done in that year.</p>
<p>I am usually a try, try, try again kind of person but .12 is a pretty low base to build from. If his mid-terms were ok he must have literally turned in complete botch for the last month of the semester. In order to fix things you do kind of have to put your finger on what went wrong the first time, and I dont think its an easy solution like he went to a kegger instead of studying for the math test. </p>
<p>But if it must be done then, then it can be done. You need to come up with a system for him to succeed. Forget the courses in the major and load up on things he can get an A in. Maybe a Tennis or something too. </p>
<p>And I dont think you should sit back and wait for feedback to dribble in. Why not leave the world’s smallest town and book yourself into a hotel near the college one weekend a month. Keep an eye on things and look the kid over like you cant on a phone call. For the last week of the school year, take off and set up camp at a Residency Inn or whatever they have. He can hang out there away from the campus al la The Paper Chase and you can monitor his mood, make sure he is eating and organize the crush of 4 or 5 classes exam schedules and project deadlines for him. </p>
<p>This is hardly a perfect solution, but it would get a successful semester under his belt and it would help you figure out what works and what doesnt.</p>
<p>^^Yes, the skills it takes to succeed in college are myriad and more than simply having the intelligence capacity. But these are skills that are also necessary to succeed in work and in life. The OP absolutely needs to figure out what went wrong. I think it’s unfortunate, also, that he needs to go back before the problem is solved or at least identified. I do hope, though, that this semester goes better.</p>
<p>^^Yes, the skills it takes to succeed in college are myriad and more than simply having the intelligence capacity. But these are skills that are also necessary to succeed in work and in life. The OP absolutely needs to figure out what went wrong. I think it’s unfortunate, also, that he needs to go back before the problem is solved or at least identified. I do hope, though, that this semester goes better.</p>
<p>The proper testing may not be available near home, but is it available near his college?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I have purchased more planners and discussed more organization systems with my NVLD kid over the years than you can imagine. Ultimately HE has to pick a system. One thing that worked for my kid was putting “stickys” on her desktop of her Mac. There are electronic post-it type ones they can stick on just like a paper one. She uses it for a to-do list sometimes. She also uses iCal quite a bit. </p>
<p>You might want to contact the disabilities office at his college. Ask if they have anyone who helps kids with organization issues. Tell them you do not have a formal diagnosis (yet), but wondered if they know of anyone who helps kids with this on campus. Sometimes these offices have contacts with people who you can pay to meet with your son a few times a week to get him organized. This does not solve his organizational issues long term or get you to a diagnosis, but it puts boots on the ground to work on that issue for next semester.</p>
<p>Also, make sure he knows how to get online assignment and grade information, and that it is actually working on his computer. My D’s broke a few times in high school, and she did not mention it to anyone (me, the tech team at her school, etc.) for weeks. That is a grade killer if they can’t pick up the assignments.</p>
<p>I am going to agree with those who say .12 is awfully low, though. When students post out here with super low GPAs, sometimes they stopped going to class (literally couldn’t get themselves out of bed). Depression can be an issue, and he might not be telling you everything.</p>
<ol>
<li> Check some of the old threads. It is not uncommon for Engineering students to perform poorly their first semester.</li>
<li> I’m confused if your son took Calculus prior to entering college. If this was his first exposure to the material, many of the other students may have mastered the concepts prior to this course.</li>
<li> Grades can plummet the second half of the semester for a couple of reasons. A: The first half of the class may be primarily review material and relatively easy. B: Liberal drop policies and curved grading scales. For example, if the average on the first test is an 80 and several students with lower grades drop the course, the average on the first test will rise above 80 during final grade computations and what you thought would be a good grade drops to average or worse.</li>
</ol>
<p>Thanks everyone, for your suggestions and support.
I’ve talked to all of the disability, counseling, etc. departments. I have referrals to testing centers in his college town. I hear you on the .12, plus he’s lost $40K of scholarship money for next year and we can’t replace that. He’ll have financial pressure too, now. He has another semester at college and it’s paid for. We’ll have him tested and work out an organizational support team through the counseling office. And, realistically he’ll probably come home at summer break and do 2 years at the JC.
I love the idea of camping out on him,and I did visit him monthly. But I have farm animals to tend and a business to run.</p>
<p>Why can’t he request a leave of absence for the Spring semester? If done early in the semester, you can usually get a percentage of the tuition refunded. </p>
<p>It sounds as though you did the majority of his organization and prodding while he was under your roof. It makes sense that he didn’t succeed as you had hoped while living away from home. </p>
<p>Unless you have a diagnosis, it’s going to be extremely difficult to get any accommodations put in place soon enough to help the Spring semester end up much better. </p>
<p>I would seriously consider keeping him home instead of sending him back hoping for straight “A”'s. It will be much easier for him to bring up 15 credits of a terrible GPA rather than 30 credits of a terrible GPA plus notation of academic suspension. </p>
<p>When he was attending school in your district, did the district suggest testing/evaluation?</p>
<p>He’s not ready to live independently. Keep him home, get a diagnosis, put a plan in place that is specific to the diagnosis, and worry about college at a later date.</p>
<p>Ps–accommodations at the college level are not as extensive as those at the elementary through high school level.</p>
<p>Morgana1999: Fang’s advice is good. Find a educational-psychologist practice and obtain a full-study report to determine whether there are LD issues. Be sure to do this, even though it’s expensive! This is involves a full battery of tests, interviews, and review of prior medical, school, and psych evaluations. Also find a psychologist familiar with autism/asperger evaluations; not all psychologists are proficient. Psychiatrists and neurologists don’t do these evaluations. </p>
<p>Though public school district’s are required to do psych evaluation for special education students, many students “slip thru the cracks”. Some districts avoid testing so as not to add expensive burden of special education accommodations and therapy for those students. Some parents resist testing, for fear of labelling. Some districts, staff, and teachers are inept, etc. We have a son w/Aspergers, and have experienced three different school systems - each very different in services approach and proficiency. Many colleges and universities have experience with students on autistic spectrum, with varying degrees of academic and social success, and most welcome these students. Good that you called Student Services at your son’s school, and spoken frankly to them. They should be a good source for local resources, including ed psych evaluation providers. Some schools also provide AS-specific supports as part of LD supports. </p>
<p>A friend’s daughter has “school anxiety”, and is enrolled in a very selective LAC. My friend’s checked into a local motel during finals week, to assist her daughter during final semester push, by proof-reading papers, providing emotional support, and giving her a quiet environment to study. It may be “helicopter-parenting”, but for some students, that extra oversight is invaluable. It is difficult for some students to transition from home/HS to away/college, to succeed without the “safety net” of a hovering parent. To each his own.</p>
<p>“Bi-polar, could be, his birth father is.”
Please, please, do not send him back this semester. If the depression part of bipolar is what is happening now, things could get dangerously ugly. Does he seem depressed now, while at home, ie, not doing much, not saying much, sleeping a lot or hardly sleeping? Unusually irritable? Not taking care of his grooming needs as much as normal? And please don’t think, well, of course he’s depressed, who wouldn’t be after what he’s been through? Don’t mean to scare you, (or, maybe I do,) but: many bipolars who commit suicide do so when they are just getting out of a depressive phase. They have just enough energy to act out on their suicidal thoughts. I’m sorry that your son is having trouble, and I hope that bipolar is not the problem. I’d keep him at home longer for observation and professional evaluation. As you may know, this is the perfect age for these things to surface. Good luck and best wishes to you and your son.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If you have a kid with learning disabilities, a developmental disability like autism/Aspergers/NVLD, or a mental health issue like bipolar, **do not pay attention to the words “helicopter parenting.” ** When people say, you have to let your child go, they’ll find their feet,they’ll figure it out those people are not talking to you. Ignore them. Do not let your child sink or swim if you know your child will sink and learn nothing from the experience, which will be true for students with executive function disorder who are sent off to college with no help.</p>
<p>I agree with sopranomom. If your child is bipolar, it could be dangerous to send him back to college. If he has an autism spectrum disorder, it will be futile to send him back, and also could be dangerous, because people on the autism spectrum are fairly likely to also suffer from depression. Let’s be blunt: if you send him back, it’s unlikely to end well. Don’t wait. Get him diagnosed now, not next summer.</p>