Spanking with a belt=felony

Parent Cafe
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<p>Beating/spanking is, in my opinion, a very psychologically harmful and brute-force approach to getting behavior you want. Instead of trying to reward good behavior/deprive in the wake of bad behavior, beating the problem into submission just causes behavioral change out of pure fear and can cause a lot of mistrust, which spills over into other areas of life.</p>

<p>I mean, look at animals – the smartest and most well-behaved were never beaten when they were little. They were trained and guided properly and raised to be healthy adults.</p>

<p>I’ll never lay a finger on my children (if I ever choose to have kids someday), but that doesn’t mean I won’t know how to keep them from becoming disrespectful wingnuts or something. I think people spank/beat when they don’t understand the healthier alternatives and appeal to instant emotion (typically anger).</p>

<p>It’s like stopping a bleeding cut by covering it with hot ash. You may “stop” the initial problem, but you cause a whole lot more in other ways.</p>

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<p>Hitting someone with a belt is beating IMO. What is the purpose of this? The intention might be good, but I think we know by now that the results are harmful.</p>

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<p>I was spanked with various instruments when I was a small child and it was a terrible, terrible thing. I’m sure I was a hand full but still… my relationship with my mother still bears the scars from that, and I’m past 50. The pain and betrayal of trust is still there. I remember when my first child was a toddler, when I told my mother that I would never spank him, she said “Wait until he’s two or three.” Well, she was wrong then and she’s wrong now.</p>

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<p>On the other hand, all the “reasoning” that some parents do with small children is a little “unreasonable” in my opinion. Children do need discipline and firmness and guidance from their parents sometimes. It just doesn’t need to be corporal.</p>

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<p>

 LOL!    Never beaten, sometimes eaten, or mauled.    &lt;/p&gt;

<p>As one who was spanked liberally when growing up I started out spanking but fortunately stopped when I realized how dangerous it was. I don’t think parents who shake their babies are trying to kill them, but they act out of anger, and presumably ignorance.</p>

<p>So should spanking with a belt be a felony if severe injury results? Or death? Maybe its better to prevent it rather than judge the damage afterward.</p>

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<p>One of my SIL’s is an Occupational Therapist who always dreamed of working with children, so saved her pediatric rotation for last. </p>

<p>It caused her to amend her career path to work with adult stroke victims instead.</p>

<p>She discovered that a lot of pediatric work involved dealing with parents whose abuse of their children caused them permanent brain damage. Whether from violent shaking or a hit-and-miss belt buckle, she could not cope with training the same parents to do O.T. on their children when they were the ones who caused ALL the damage.</p>

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<p>When my sister and I were little, my mother, when angry, used to threaten to beat us with the rubber strap from an ancient washing machine we had at one time. She never did it (and I don’t even remember ever seeing the thing), but the threat alone was effective until I wised up, realized that it would never actually happen, and started being more amused than intimidated. She was definitely a histrionic, bark way worse than bite kind of parent.</p>

<p>PS: I think a parent or other authority figure beating a child with a belt should be a felony. I’ve never understood how anyone could think it’s acceptable to assault children in ways that would get you arrested immediately if you were caught doing the identical thing to an adult – or to a pet, for that matter.</p>

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<p>I’m a little confused - is this thread a response to an article or a new law?</p>

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<p>I truly loathe the word “spanking.” It’s a cutesy word for hitting or striking a child.</p>

<p>My parents were hippies who never hit my sister and I. I’ve never hit my child nor has my husband. </p>

<p>Hitting children is a cruel and it is lazy parenting. There is always another way.</p>

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<p>Very well put.</p>

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<p>Children should never be spanked with a belt. There are much better techniques, to wit:</p>

<h1>1 Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won’t get a stinging effect.</h1>

<h1>2 The sucker punch. Just ask the question “hey, what’s that on your shirt?” and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don’t ever let them off the hook. Just because they’re not doing anything wrong doesn’t mean that they didn’t do something wrong earlier that you weren’t aware of.</h1>

<h1>3 The yard stick. Or for those of you who don’t use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as “the meter stick.” This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn’t last beyond three or four good whacks–usually enough to send the message.</h1>

<h1>3 The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you’re shopping and your kid won’t shut the hell up: “I’m hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin…” etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.</h1>

<h1>4 The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with “she might be pregnant…” or “I can _____ if I want to…” where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.</h1>

<h1>5 The Dragon Kick. If you’re interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered.</h1>

<h1>5 The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence–I can’t remember which.</h1>

<h1>5 The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you’re driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.</h1>

<h1>6 The cane intercept. If you’re too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who’s boss.</h1>

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<p>Something tells me you’re probably pretty entertaining to live with, BP. :D</p>

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<p>Here’s what pediatricians have to say on the subject:

[quote]

Corporal punishment involves the application of some form of physical pain in response to undesirable behavior. Corporal punishment ranges from slapping the hand of a child about to touch a hot stove to identifiable child abuse, such as beatings, scaldings, and burnings. … Spanking, as discussed here, refers to striking a child with an open hand on the buttocks or extremities with the intention of modifying behavior without causing physical injury. Other forms of physical punishment, such as striking a child with an object, striking a child on parts of the body other than the buttocks or extremities, striking a child with such intensity that marks lasting more than a few minutes occur, pulling a child’s hair, jerking a child by the arm, shaking a child, and physical punishment delivered in anger with intent to cause pain, are unacceptable and may be dangerous to the health and well-being of the child. These types of physical punishment should never be used.</p>

<p>Despite its common acceptance, and even advocacy for its use, spanking is a less effective strategy than time-out or removal of privileges for reducing undesired behavior in children. Although spanking may immediately reduce or stop an undesired behavior, its effectiveness decreases with subsequent use. The only way to maintain the initial effect of spanking is to systematically increase the intensity with which it is delivered, which can quickly escalate into abuse. Thus, at best, spanking is only effective when used in selective infrequent situations.<a href=“%5Burl=http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;101/4/723]Guidance%20for%20Effective%20Discipline%20--%20Committee%20on%20Psychosocial%20Aspects%20of%20Child%20and%20Family%20Health%20101%20(4):%20723%20--%20AAP%20Policy[/url]”>/quote</a></p>

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<p>The bit about the 2x4 reminded me of the climactic scene of Good Will Hunting.</p>

<p>I too am one of those whose parents spanked me, occasionally with a belt, when I was a kid, and who was shocked to discover that everybody’s parents didn’t do that. My parents are good people who did what they thought was best, but I think they were wrong, and I am glad we have not repeated their mistake with our son.</p>

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<p>My dad spanked us with a belt and/or with his hand growing up. In my circumstance it did not harm me psychologically. However, it did not achieve its intended effect. It didn’t make me stop doing things that were naughty or wrong, it just taught me to be more sneaky and to lie to avoid the punishment. It is tons more work to put kids in time out, have a discussion with them about what they did wrong and why, and try to teach them about right behaviors. Some days it is just mentally exhausting. I always felt it was my job as a parent to teach my children, and hitting them just has no correlation to that.</p>

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<p>Also, Billy Pilgrim, I was really sad when I read your post. I sincerely hope you weren’t subjected to that cruelty.</p>

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<p>I think there is a cultural element to this that affects how you think about this. If you were brought up in a place and at a time where spanking (including with objects) was routine and commonplace, it simply isn’t that horrifying. I’m pretty sure that my parents weren’t sadistic monsters, but they occasionally spanked us, sometimes with a switch. The same was true of almost everybody we knew–and people were spanked in the school, too. The products of this sytem do not appear, to me, to be particularly messed-up. All that being said, I think it’s probably better not to practice corporal punishment on kids. I’m just not able to get as hysterical about spanking that doesn’t leave a mark.</p>

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<p>I think many parents spank their children because they were spanked as children and they don’t question it as adults. </p>

<p>It seems that many parents who spank their children have the impression that parents who don’t spank their children are not disciplining their children at all. Of course there are some parents who don’t set and enforce limits, but I suspect they are fewer in number than many suppose.</p>

<p>My parents didn’t spank me, yet I knew who was in charge at our house. I didn’t spank my kids either, but consequences for misbehavior were swift and appropriate. We have had no issues with regard to discipline at our house. I think consistency of rules enforcement is the key to eliciting proper behavior.</p>

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<p>I was spanked, liberally by both parents, in some cases leaving welts. The last spanking was when I was in the 10th grade. Spanking NEVER deterred any behavior, it just taught me to make sure I didn’t get caught.</p>

<p>My mother was spanked by her mother, oftentimes, I am told, because my mother was just thinking about something bad.</p>

<p>My daughter has never been spanked. It was time to break the cycle. My relatives laughed at me when I would time-out my 2 year old. However, in later years, I had few discipline problems vs my cousins with their children. I am proud to have stopped the violent cycle. </p>

<p>My husband never got spanked (goody-two shoes), and can’t quite understand why I don’t appreciate the love taps on my rear :(</p>

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<p>I can’t imagine feeling the same way about my parents as I do had they hit me. I’m sure I’d still love them, but knowing that they were willing to hit me would matter. In the area in which I grew up, I was probably in the minority in not being spanked. I know my grandfather went to the belt with my dad and his siblings. I also know they were afraid of him, as was I.</p>