One of my colleagues at work complains about his wife a lot, but he uses her name frequently. I don’t think there’s a correlation between name-avoidance and complaining.
-
Doesn’t listen, and not just to me. He just doesn’t pay good attention to what people tell him, and admits that he’s often distracted. He doesn’t have ADHD, so I find it rude and inconsiderate.
-
The way he drives. He has an aversion to using the brakes until the last possible moment, just in case the car in front of him suddenly starts accelerating. It drives him crazy that I’m constantly imaginary braking in the passenger seat.
Hahaha. Seems I’ve hit a hot button!
I don’t know but some of the things that posters are complaining about I would see as a blessing - a man that likes things really clean is rare and one that does the cleaning up is even rarer. H doesn’t do anything domestic except grilling and trash. He will also go to the dry cleaner and pick up or drop off. That’s it.
My girlfriends have always told me that I won the “husband lottery” so I feel really guilty posting anything. And compared to what some of them have been through with their H’s or ex-H’s I consider myself blessed. So my pet peeve is that my H is a clutterer and has a hard time throwing anything away. I am just the opposite - I cannot stand anything on my counter tops or cluttering up tables or any other surface. H gets monthly subscriptions and I swear in my house I must have 3 years worth of Atlantic Monthly, Economist and WSJ’s strewn everywhere. Drives me out of my mind. He even clutters up our cars by stacking gas or grocery receipts in any available cup holder or door pocket. I just crumple them up and throw them all away. What does he intend to do with these receipts?
<<<
Husband won’t listen to my voice mail - he would rather call me back and have me repeat what I already left him a message about.
<<<
I hate voice mail. If I don’t answer, send me a text if there’s a message you want me to have.
<<<
she does a lot of things by force without looking, as in she jammed the latch shut on the kitchen casement window without making sure the window was properly closed and that bent the mechanism so now I have to get on a ladder behind the house to see if I can fix it. Or rather than check why the cheese drawer isn’t closing, she’ll jam it in, which is why we’re now on the 2nd cheese drawer. I fairy often leap up to stop her from forcing something open or closed. I
<<<
H does these same things. However, now that he’s retired, and I do “leap up to stop” him from forcing/breaking things, he has finally become more aware. For H, it’s an ADHD thing. I spent many years saying, “don’t force things. Look at what you’re doing. Look to see why it isn’t opening or closing as it should,” and so forth. I can’t tell you how many of my drinks he’s knocked over because he wasn’t careful. But now that he’s retired, he’s become more aware and is trying to be more careful.
My grandparents and my parents (especially my grandparents) do not call their spouse by their name.
In my guess, it was likely because they could consider doing this as a public display of affection. However, I could not understand why a public display of affection would make a person “uncomfortable”. Of course, I do not know how they called each other when being intimate in private. Is a private display of affection fine but a public display of affection not fine? I do not know.
For example, my grandfather would call my grandmother: “your mother” when he directly addresses to her, even when no third person was around. Similarly, my grandmother would call my grandfather: “your father.” Very strange behavior.
They did not just use the word “daddy/father” or “mommy/mother” like my parents or uncles/aunts would call them. It is as if they call: “here is my son’s mother” or “here is my daughter’s father.” – or like: when he talked to his son/daughter: “Your mother…” even though his son or daughter was really not around.
I do not know whether this is your case though.
@HarvestMoon1: “He even clutters up our cars by stacking gas or grocery receipts in any available cup holder or door pocket. I just crumple them up and throw them all away. What does he intend to do with these receipts?”
Check the back of those receipts before you throw them away. I went to clean my husband’s car out a few years ago when he began driving two of the kids to school, and found loads of receipts. I dumped them in a plastic bag for disposal and before I threw the bag out, he spied one of the receipts. Turns out he uses them as little note-taking slips for writing down the names of the jazz tunes he hears in the morning on his drive to work. He said he’d be incredibly hurt if I’d thrown them out.
Update: Yup. the lights were on the wrong setting!! Grrr…
I take the receipts, record them in Quicken and then reconcile against the statement.
I used to take the receipts and staple them together and leave them in his office. It became just a mountain of paper that was never touched. He does not do anything with the receipts. Wondering if he doesn’t bother to throw them out now because he knows I will??
I save the receipts in a box and feed them to my worm.
Uses his baby childhood voice when he talks on the phone with mommy…
gives me the creeps so I leave the area or shut the door.
H leaves clutter everywhere. Saves everything. When he opens mail, instead throwing the envelope out he keeps it. Not to reuse, to drive me crazy. He has piles of clothes in the bedroom (claims he has no place to put it) , and piles of unopened mail, interesting articles he cuts from newspaper, etc on kitchen counter. He can’t pass up a good deal, we have 5 leaf blowers, 3 lawn mowers, multiple saws, tools, etc. He saves every scrap of wood. He grew up poor and I think he hates to get rid of stuff. He never finishes home handyman jobs. Bath/shower in kids bathroom has been un-usable for 5 weeks waiting for him to finish spackling the walls. Addition to deck he put on last year, is still waiting to be stained. He is the 90% man. All in all though, he is a good Father, husband and person.
H has a lot of nervous energy (likely ADHD). When sitting at a table, he often bounces his leg or drums his fingers on the table. Drives me crazy. I put my hand on his knee or wrist to make him stop. H likes to grill (Weber and charcoal only - no gas grill for H). Our house is on piers and there is a deck over the back patio so H grills in the driveway. He always leaves the grill out right by my garage bay. One day I know I’m going to hit that thing while backing out.
H has a much longer list of grievances against me. I mangle my toothpaste - H meticulously rolls the tube. We’ve dealt with that issue by using separate toothpaste. He tries to leave a water glass on the counter to use throughout the day that I always pick up and put in the dishwasher. And, I hate to admit it, but when I’m home, I sometimes crunch ice:(. I also tend to leave things in H’s car which aggravates him and I don’t roll up cords properly. He always goes behind me and neatly loops the cords.
H leaves his dirty laundry in a pile on his side of the bed instead of putting it in the laundry basket. I am not employed so I do most of the household chores, but I refuse to pick his dirty clothes off the floor. So once every couple of weeks he takes the whole pile and puts it in the laundry. Drives me crazy because now I have a mountain of laundry to do when I could have been doing it all along with the laundry from the rest of the house.
Also leaves his dirty dishes in the family room. Eventually (in a day or two, hopefully) these get moved to the counter above the dishwasher. Can’t he just put them in the dishwasher at that point? They are already in his hands!
He doesn’t take off his shoes in the house. I’ve bought slippers to wear in the house but nope, he keeps those darn shoes on. The worst is when he mows the grass. Ugh!
We are both loud talkers. H recently got hearing aids. I think both of us are not so loud anymore.
H likes to give “advice”.
No offense to your DH, but you win. 
H doesn’t like to have the radio (or any music, sound) on in the car, while I like listening to music, talk radio, etc. So driving back from visiting DD, I drove in the dark (I have better night vision), however I had to resort to just thinking about things because I had the radio off to make him happy. On the way to DD, H drove, and I had an easy listening Jazz channel on and had a relaxing snooze - unfortunately I forgot to bring the neck pillow which would have made it more perfect.
On toothpaste cap, Ultrabrite has the flip cap - if the threads work with H’s brand of toothpaste, you have your problem solved.
I admit I am more of clutter. Working on it.
When we got close to where we were meeting up DD, since I have driven in B’ham a lot more than DH, I was directing him where to turn, and to ask him to slow down so I could look around a building to see the street (H hates taking any direction from me directly). I asked him to turn and he immediately said “I don’t think this is right” - and I had to tell him “whatever I tell you, you are going to complain - you are mad if it is right and your complain no matter what I say” - and by the way it was right! He parked and I went in the building (as I needed to use the rest room) and I met up with DD (who was supposed to call me, but she was on her computer looking up restaurants, so we figured out a restaurant together).
H also drives too fast when he may not know where to turn, and also brakes very abruptly; almost drives like a race car. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes when we have been on trips and he has ignored my requests to not follow so closely (wet pavement, etc making braking distances different). Sometimes I get jerked awake too; not sure if that is subconscious not wanting me to be asleep, however probably not, he just isn’t aware that a smooth trip is better for the sleepers. On long trips, if I am super tired, I am either having to drink a lot of coffee or at times can only drive an hour or two before H has to take over some more. However usually H has time for a good nap before the trip because I am making sure we have everything packed and sometimes I procrastinate packing or feel the need to get other things done at the house before packing.
I try not to complain. H is complaining less it seems 
.
We are attending Dave Ramsey’s Retire Inspire Thursday in Nashville - DR is presenting along with Chris Hogan. They are entertaining/uplifting. DR won’t be in the studio that day, but we will go by there anyway to check it out. This will be a bit new for H but should be a fun event. H should only need to take a half day off of work on Thursday, but he informed me he has to take the whole day off - so be it. I can’t control what his company allows/doesn’t allow, but who doesn’t allow a half day off from leave time???
One thing from H’s family - they liked to talk for years and years about a major purchase. For example living room new carpet; new couch and love seat; new curtains, adding the bedroom/bath on the main level - they eventually did all of these things, but you heard about it for years and years (the bedroom/bath addition was about 40 years after they got a quote and decided to not squeeze it in their budget - which they regretted not doing with the quote in the 1960’s). So last night H is bringing up with DD about buying a car after she graduates - I had to cut him off “She won’t have the money to be thinking about that right away, and has enough on her plate now”. Jeez, it is not all about him!
While driving to dinner and to DD’s apt (in two vehicles) I was able to ride with DD and had plenty of 1-on-1 time with her; giving her encouragement and discussing the things she is facing. H is just so needy sometimes, so it was good to be able to have some alone time with her.
Just curious- if no third person is around to hear this, how do you know this? Did they tell you this?