"“Are people saying that parents are telling kids that they are failures because they didn’t get into certain schools?”
" But I was actually asking if CC parent posters were telling young CC posters that they were failures for not getting into top schools. "
then you needed to be more specific.
Because there is a world of difference between what students , i.e people, are saying THEIR parents are telling them, and what CC parents are saying to students posting on CC, agreed?.
" I have NEVER seen that happen here"
well, I HAVE, during the 13 years I have been on CC. And I remember those posts and the anguish that those students were feeling.
For as long as I have been a participant here I have taken people to task when the responses they have directed at kids have been harsh.
To respond and guide with kindness and humility is so much more desirable and effective.
What possible benefit can be deriven from unloading on a kid?
I completely agree with Postmoderns sentiments and the other posters here who have echoed those same sentiments.
@QuantMech , I am not sure what you are disagreeing with me about, but again, I have no sympathy for the kid who whines about only getting into a top 25 college. If the kid has no intention of intending, the kid shouldn’t apply. The kid made the decision. There are consequences for actions, even if those actions are out of their control.
The majority of people on this thread are definitely kinder than I am. You will not convince me that a very significant number of those kids are not indignant at their rejections and expect readers to be, as well. Those kids need the truth in bitter pill form. Note, I don’t think that means cruelty. It means being realistic. If realism is harsh, so be it. I think our kids can handle the truth. Everyone doesn’t deserve a medal just for participating.
Nope. I don’t care how whiny they are or you think they are. You don’t have to be anyone’s personal truth-administer. You can just read and move on. It’s really sort of arrogant to think they “need” you to set them straight.
@garland , as I said before, other people read and learn from those posts. They posted here for responses. I am allowed to respond. No, I don’t need to set them straight, but I don’t need to coddle them. And I do think sometimes people coddle them. It does no one any favors to never be realistic with people. There are all types of people in the world. Yes, people like me too. I could argue that while you think I am arrogant, I think you are overindulgent. I don’t, actually, but I hope you see my point. And I don’t think I am arrogant, btw. I certainly never pretend to be anything I am not.
I actually don’t see your point. I think there are several false equivalences there, as well as binary thinking. “If I don’t set them straight, I am coddling.”
@garland I said I don’t actually think you are overindulgent. And of course I am not referring to not responding to a kid’s post. Your point is “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” That’s a fair point, and that is often what is needed. Mine is that sometimes people need to hear the truth in raw form because it’s a needed wake-up call. They may never hear it from anyone, otherwise.
I once was dumped by a guy. I pined for several weeks, sure we would get back together, if only he would see how perfect we were for each other. A good friend told me, finally, that the boyfriend was not going to come back. He didn’t care about me, and he didn’t want me. I was angry and upset. I didn’t speak to her for several weeks. But that was what finally allowed me to get over the guy, and I eventually thanked her for setting me straight (as a side-note, we are still friends, 30 years on.) Anyway, I hope you see my point now.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
In the spirit of the thread title, even though the people on this thread are mostly parents, civility can and must be maintained.
While it is permissible to say things like “It’s arrogant to say…” and “I think you are overindulgent” as opposed to “You are arrogant (or overindulgent)” it is really pushing your toes right up to the line of ToS acceptability. Better not to get too close to the line.
Additionally, College Confidential is not a debate society. State your case and then move on. Nobody’s opinion will change regardless of how brilliant the argument, so don’t beat a dead horse. I’ll assume that the users who are debating each other will either agree to disagree or will continue their debate via PM.
This is a tangent, but I have to say I have been on the threads for a group of women’s colleges – basically the 7 Sisters – and I have seen the opposite of OPs complaint. When one young woman finally got an accept after a string of waitlists, about 4 parents jumped on with congrats and a palpable sense of relief. We’ve formed a community over in that part of the CC world and the level of snarkiness is pretty low (not zero, but we’re human). It just proves that it can be done.
I’d say that overall the snarkiness from parents is really low, not just in the “7 sisters” threads, and that examples of “shameful” parent postings are the exception rather than the rule.There is a WHOLE LOT of CC parent member support being given to these kids on a daily basis here at CC.
I think it’s good for kids to see a wide spectrum of reactions to their posts. The “commiseration and empathy” posts serve a purpose, but the “reality sandwich” posts serve a purpose too. I wouldn’t want to see either type of post go away from CC. The good thing about reading the threads is that you get to see all the different reactions juxtaposed against each other.
It’s just like going to college - hearing the diversity of perspectives that different people bring to the same issue is part of getting an education. The kid who “only” got into Georgetown might be hurting and could use a shoulder to cry on, but they should also be aware that there are tens of thousands of other kids who would have been delighted with an acceptance to Georgetown and who are incredibly offended that someone views their dream school as some sort of unworthy consolation prize. It might be hard for the kids to hear that perspective when they are only thinking about their own feelings, but it is definitely a valuable perspective and not out of line.
Personally, I think that telling someone the cold, hard truth - even if it’s hard to hear - is almost always useful (provided that the “truth” is actually grounded in fact).
Of course, there is a difference between giving a kid a reality check versus castigating and shaming them. If the OP is only talking about the latter type of post, then I don’t think anyone is going to disagree.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
To be clear, while I try to be as polite as possible, my earlier post should not have been interpreted to assume the compliance is optional. The 15 posts that were a back and forth between 2 posters, along with the posts that expressed agreement/disagreement with those 2, have been deleted.
Pointing something out and stating you are responding in kind to make a point, is not hypocrisy. It’s the opposite. “See how it feels”? And, as @Consolation adeptly points out, it was directed generally and at no one specifically, and at parents, in response to things directed at children.