I have battled major depression since I was a young teen. I know how to put on a happy face when I’m dead inside. I absolutely understand how nobody knew these kids were suicidal.
I have an extremely close relationship with my parents and that’s probably the only reason I survived my high school years. I had suicidal thoughts but never acted on them or self harmed. What I did do was stop eating. Not as a way to harm myself but because I just couldn’t eat. The thought of food made me sick. I dropped down to 120 lb (I’m 6’) and my parents got me into treatment.
I didn’t do the rat race. My boyfriend was ultimately a high school dropout and I hung out with the kids who dressed all in black and didn’t care about passing school. They cared about getting high and playing video games. Those were my people (still are). I still took AP classes and got good grades and test scores (somewhere in the ballpark of 3.8 gpa and 33 act) but I left that high pressure environment behind when I left the classes. I also missed a lot of school because I just couldn’t get out of bed. Or I’d go to certain classes and then skip the ones I didn’t want to go to that day. (I’m not saying this was a good idea.)
When it came time to go to college, I turned down UMich because I didn’t want to go into that cut throat environment. I chose a better fit for me that was less high pressured but still challenging.
My point with all of this is that I was lucky. Very lucky. I had means of escaping the high pressure environment and I was lucky to have parents who recognised what was going on and got me help. If I lived in a pressure cooker like Palo Alto I probably wouldn’t have survived.
Even now, in my mid 20s, it’s a struggle. I struggle every day. I have gotten better about advocating for myself and my PhD advisors know about my depression and are the most supportive people imaginable. But just two weeks ago a major episode hit and I had to once again go and get my meds adjusted. It’s still a struggle every morning to get out of bed. Having a dog whose life depends on me helps.
I don’t know what the answer is but we need to do something.