Never once did my kid think of going for merit rather than going for a top school in his field of interest. In fact, he didn’t even have what everyone would consider a safety, all matches or reaches, even though as we found out thru CC that his GPA wasn’t really all that spectacular. And that’s because we saved and sacrificed a lot (at the time a $300K difference in housing price but now probably more like $800K) to move into a premier school district for my kid to attend top schools. The goal from day 1 that we ingrained into my kid was “if you can make it to Stanford or Harvard we’ll find a way” so it would be hypocritical to suggest to him that some lower ranked school could offer him a full-ride. In fact, most likely my alma mater would have offered something pretty generous and the Dean of the CS school talked to him quite a bit since he was in junior high, but my kid never once gave it a thought.
I could get a Ford Fiesta for $15k, and I’m sure it would get me from place to place adequately. But I didn’t even test drive one when I was car shopping, because I wanted something nicer. I love my Chevy Cruze, which ended up being more like $30k. Multiply that $15k times the maybe 7 cars I’ll own in my life, and that’s more than $100k I’ll have wasted on a transient better experience. I could have just as easily wasted that money paying an extra $25k a year for my kid to have a transient better college experience, and made do with the Fiesta.
Different people spend their money on different stuff, because different people value different stuff.
It’s pretty simple, if money was not a factor, would the student choose the “full ride” college over another higher ranked and better fit college? I would guess 99% would chose the later. That is the reason why if it was up to them they would chose the “better fit” college. I agree with others, if you have ear-marked money for college than it is less painful turning down a “full ride”. In some ways, the community college than transfer to college of choice might be a better option than chasing the best merit; saves a lot of money for 2 years and you still get that degree from college X.
“I could have just as easily wasted that money paying an extra $25k a year for my kid to have a transient better college experience, and made do with the Fiesta.
Different people spend their money on different stuff, because different people value different stuff.”
And if you make the choice to spend that $100K on the cars rather than using it for college, many CC posters will condemn you for being irresponsible in failing to save for your kid’s education.
My point is that we should treat college more like a car. The better college is mostly just another type of luxury good to spend your money on. So give the kid a say in where that money goes (within limits). It’s easy for a kid to say “I won’t look at full ride schools” if it won’t matter either way to their bank account.
And even if you have the money saved for college it’s silly to conclude that money is then “not a factor”. That’s only true if you have another $150K (or more) lying around to give your kid for a house downpayment, grad school, etc.
I’m interested in this: “if money was not a factor, would the student choose the “full ride” college over another higher ranked and better fit college? I would guess 99% would chose the latter”
How many here would choose full pay at Harvard over a full ride Jefferson scholarship at UVA if money was “not a factor” (so assume the $300K for Harvard is already sitting in your bank account and not needed for your everyday expenses)?
I’m intrigued because it seems to me that most CC posters don’t understand the non-financial benefits that many of these scholarships provide.
I don’t really agree with the above post. Some of my college years were among the best of my life. Memories of college are way different than the transient pleasure in driving a car, or spending on some other “thing”. Then again I’m a big believer that money spent on experiences (which would include a better college experience) outpaces “things” any day.
I was one of those kids accepted to a top college that my parents just couldn’t afford. I eventually made my way there years later for graduate school on my own dime, but I guess that experience really shaped my attitude to what and how I will spend for my kids on college. I don’t blame my parents, they just didn’t have the money, but if that had been the case because they were buying fancy cars or something I would certainly have felt resentful.
I think the OP’s mention of co-signing loans is key to this discussion. That implies that the OP doesn’t have a lot of money earmarked in savings for college and/or a lot of extra income that could be used for college. In that case, you need to define the financial parameters you have for your kid ASAP. Don’t co-sign loans. But it is only fair to lay out the financial constraints during the search. Don’t wait until spring of senior year.
There are two issues here.
If you truly cannot afford it, due to some mismatch between what the college’s NPC says you can afford and what you can (because the most selective colleges also have the most generous need-based aid, so they may be able to meet your need), then that’s what is, and you have to help your child to understand and accept the realistic limitations on what you can afford. Remind your child that (s)he can get a great education, explore ideas, make friends, and be successful afterwards, wherever (s)he goes. It is the person, not the school, that makes the biggest difference… and you believe in him/her!
But if you can afford it and it is a matter of prioritizing what you value enough to spend money on—
Well, this Thanksgiving break made me think that the tuition for a top college is worth it. In a group of smart high school friends, some had chosen top colleges, some had chosen solid in-state colleges, and some had chosen less selective colleges where they had gotten generous merit aid. The difference between the experience of the top college kids and that of their friends in the rigor of the education and college friend group was considerable… although almost all of the students were enjoying their college experience so far, which is what matters most!
Two kids were taking a course with basically the same title and description. At the top college, the student had read the actual writing of the biggest political theorists on the topic, whereas the student at the state college had read a textbook summary of what those theorists wrote. The writing/ analyzing assignments were more challenging at the top college, too.
The student with the big merit aid package at the less competitive college felt he was more intellectually oriented than his classmates, and his peers, while nice and fun, were not as intellectually stimulating companionship as his high school friends had been. For the kids at the top colleges, they were really enjoying discussing and debating ideas in their dorms and dining halls.
So depending on what is important to your child, it may be true that there are advantages to going to a more selective college with top faculty and students. If the cost or debt to the family is manageable, it may be worth every penny. That said, these advantages cease to be advantages if the family starts to struggle financially as a result. It is a cost-benefit analysis.
One other point: even within lower cost options, there are many options out there. Within any parameters, your child should be able to choose a college (s)he likes more than others. If she does not like one college, maybe she can find another that will have a similar estimated cost but better suits her interests and personality.
Also, if I could not afford something my son wanted, I would not take a “I’m laying down the law” approach. I would say honestly that it pains me not to be able to give him something he wants, but we just can’t afford it and still have enough money to keep the house, have a car to get to work, pay medical expenses— whatever the issue is.
Be honest, be humble, be respectful. It stinks not to be able to give your kid something they really want, because you love them. Communicate that.
Then communicate your faith that they will find a college they like a lot within the cost limits they have…
And that, because they are smart and special and wonderful, you know they will make the most of their experience and succeed wherever they go!
@Twoin18 Harvard vs UVA is a lot different question because they are both are excellent colleges versus the choice between say Stanford vs full ride to Iowa State or University of Texas Dallas ranked #120-130 for national universities. For me, Stanford is a no-brainer, while Harvard over UVA would be a tougher call.
Have you told the student how much you are willing to contribute (cash, not parent loans or cosigned loans) for college? That can set the hard limit (though non-cosigned federal direct loans of $5,500 can be added if you and the student are comfortable with that amount of student loan debt).
Within the hard limit, do you want to give some incentive to choose a less expensive school? Some parents do offer the remaining money for post-graduate professional school or other educational costs if the student chooses a college that is below the hard limit (though this may be more of an incentive for pre-med or pre-law students, or other students intending to go on to expensive professional school).
Seems like if you are unwilling to pay for the school, she needs to earn a full ride there in order to attend (in which case it is not a safety unless the full ride is automatic for her stats).
It’s more a case of, I don’t want her going there at all tbh, but we honestly would need her entire application to go totally pear shaped if it reaches that stage. There are at least two very decent other safety schools on her list which judging by naviance she will very easily get into.
@mountain88 Now I see that your son got into U of Alabama, in Tuscaloosa and he is a National Merit semifinalist in Kansas. . I would not send my own kid to U of A for Computer science, because it has been in flux down there and disorganized. It is a good deal though, but it just depends on your son’s tolerance for chaos. . Kansas schools could be better deals, and I would look at schools surrounding Kansas like Ohio State, Iowa State and maybe Purdue. You have a lot of top programs in the midwest and closer to where you live. I would not go to Alabama, unless he has a pressing reason to go down there, find a program closer to home, and save money on the travel, and get a better education possibly. There are a lot of Alabama fans on College Confidential. I am not one of them, because I think the politics puts off a lot of students, and the academics are not as strong as the top midwestern options.
S had full tuition scholarship options, large scholarship at private school and full pay at private school options. So essentially, Free vs. 35k/ yr vs. 70k/yr. We are in a position to pay but want him to understand value and trade offs.
We had him sit down and do a pron / con list of each and rank them based on his criteria (academic, fit, career opportunity, network, etc.) We explained to him we would support his choice either way with the following as a guide.
- Free would cost him nothing. He would not be required to work for spending money during school yr. We would have no issues paying any additional fees (fraternity, clubs, travel, spring breaks, etc.) literally cost him nothing.
- 35k private due to scholarship. He would not have any debt but would have to pay for his own expenses, likely via a job during the school yr, to cover spending money and all extras.
- Full pay. He would have to contribute 10k per yr (loan and savings and work). He would also have to cover his own expenses for incidentals beyond basic food plan. This option would clearly cost him a lot more and would really have to be worth it to him.
Yes, we could pay for option 3 but we wanted him to have skin in the game to really appreciate the opportunity to attend such a fine school and have that college experience he desired.
He chose option 3 and we’re glad he did. Certainly would have been nice to not fork out so much cash, but we have the savings and it’s been an outstanding environment and overall experience both inside and out of the classroom. Has taken on leadership position in a business frat (is building a great network), has a job in the Controller’s Office doing major related work, has really embraced the college community. He would make the same decision today so we know it’s the right one for him.
This was us! Daughter was NMF and would have had full ride options but really wasn’t interested. She looked at elite liberal arts colleges that meet full need and several “colleges that change lives” schools. Many of the full rides were at really large schools and after touring a couple of those she knew she needed a smaller setting.
The financial aid at the elites was better than CTCL schools. We pay a little less than we would pay for our instate flagship. We didn’t know how it would shake down in the end and she knew from the beginning that she would have to help pay.
She is an only child so we don’t have to worry about paying for another child in a few years. We have been very happy with the school she chose.
@mom2collegekids is this true?
If so, it might give me pause about considering the school for this major at any price!
My son was offered a full ride at our large state flagship school and good merit scholarships from 2 other match schools. He ended up going to a small need blind T20 that was a great fit for him. Without generous financial aid that covered tuition, he would not be able to attend. So it worked out well for him.
Son’s approach was to apply to a number of schools and then compare award letters/fin aid to determine affordability and fit. He didn’t want to take on student debt and would forgo a choice school if our family couldn’t afford it.
My daughter could have gone to some schools that gave her more scholarship money than the selective school she was also accepted to. It would have been great to have her go where it would have cost less, but she really needed to go to the better school for her major. I think it was the right choice in her situation.
I don’t agree that if you have more than one child that you are setting a standard with whatever money or decisions are made for the first child you send to college. I have four. They are very different. All are A students but the younger three are definitely not as driven as our first who is going to a top school. I don’t think I need to send all of them to the same level of school, nor spend the same money.
^This is a big assumption. Take it from something whose parents played favorites with the college money — your kids may never forgive you.