<p>If an individual committed a hate crime against a minority, I think it would be just as natural to want to look at that person’s background-family, cultural, etc., to see if there were additional influences on his behavior other than an individual lack of character. </p>
<p>I am always interested in finding out why people act as they do. It’s not a matter of blame but of trying to understand how an individual becomes the person (s)he is. It’s rarely just a matter of nature, but also of nurture.</p>
<p>I always wonder if these male athletes with rage issues are on steroids as well-or some other substance of that sort- which does not excuse the rage, but fuels it.</p>
<p>From my perspective, the culture in certain college sports is of great interest to me. At my son’s school, an athletic recruit who entered with him (in a different sport) quit the team before the season even started freshman year because the culture was one of heavy drug use and partying (this at an Ivy League school in a non-helmet sport). The coach allowed as to how “he knew there was a problem”. I followed the whole Duke saga, too. As I said above, I know one of the Virginia male lacrosse players and a lot about the culture of his high school team and the VA team. I am just sickened about this murder and, as are others, am just trying to wrap my mind and heart around it all.</p>
<p>It is probably a matter of nature and nurture, but I don’t think that one can blame one institution, one person, one family, etc. Many people can drink alcohol and handle it without an incident. Others cannot do that (where the nature comes into play). </p>
<p>missypie, it is only natural to want to protect our children. Sometimes we just can’t do that. My son was just the victim of an assault and it was during daylight and he was not out looking for trouble. I won’t go into the details to protect his privacy, but he is just fine ONLY because he was also very LUCKY (believe me, we are counting our blessings). It was a random incident that occured and the responsible party was not caught yet. The police informed me that there was a similar incident a few weeks before and the person is still out there. I feel strongly that this person will do this behavior again and eventually someone is not going to be as lucky as my son was. What this person did has the potential to be deadly. There is nothing that I could do to stop this from happening to my son. Oh, and until this person does something similar and someone is badly injured or killed, nothing with any teeth is going to happen to this person.</p>
<p>Oldbatesiedoc, unfortunately, if reports are accurate, we will never know if other substances contributed because he wasn’t tested. This is nuts to me. </p>
<p>I said many pages back that steroid use and upper use should be considered. They are heading into exams and the NCAA tournament. What better time to up the cocktail? He was the star quarterback in high school too. Steroids is a definite possibility.</p>
<p>When a murder occured at S’s high school last year, after the initial sadness and concern, we found some comfort in the fact that it was an isolated incident and that there’s not a culture of violence at the school. One good friend’s daughter goes to Yale where a student was killed last year and another good friend’s daughter goes to UVA. We can all find comfort in the fact that there’s not a culture of violence at those schools, however where we should really find no comfort, and actually be up in arms about, is in the fact that our whole country is being overwhelmed by a culture of violence. It’s not six degrees of separation anymore: it’s my children and my children’s friends that are having first hand experience with friends being murdered.</p>
<p>soozievt, believe me, I am over it because he is fine. I was in shock about for a few minutes. He was so lucky, I can’t tell you. My point is that as parents we want to teach our kids how to stay safe, etc. but we just cannot possibly protect them from everything. I was addressing Missypie about analyzing this behavior, but at the end of the day we cannot protect our kids from everything.</p>
And does what you know corroborate what the SB nation article stated? That was written by someone who knows a lot of the kids and the culture of lacrosse, too. (Thanks for that great link, MyLB!) Here it is again:</p>
<p>“University of Virginia President John Casteen said school officials were not aware of Huguely’s arrest record. He said students are responsible for self-reporting off-campus arrests, and said the school needs to crack down on unreported incidents. As an initial step, Casteen has instructed the university to begin screening students against a state law enforcement database before the start of each semester.”</p>
<p>As someone else already reported above, Casteen has now instructed the university to begin screening students against a law enforcement database. (Didn’t someone write earlier that it would be difficult and nearly impossible?) So students were supposed to self-report incidents, and weren’t doing so. I tried to find that in the Code of Conduct/Standards of Conduct. The Honor Code only seems to deal with academic dishonesty.</p>
<p>My link to the message board about UVA sports was deleted because it’s against CC’s TOS, but it can be found by Googling “UVA independent sports”</p>
<p>"It certainly is a teachable moment in many respects. Kids this age all have peer pressure and don’t want to tell on one another. It is a teachable moment that when you see something inappropriate, speak up. It is also a teachable moment to young women about signs to watch for in how a guy treats you and when to speak up to others for help. "</p>
<p>soosievt, this was exactly what I took from the UVA press conference when Alan Groves was taliking. I watched it live- no media interpretation. He and the others shared that there has already been a great deal of conversation by the administration at Virginia about behavioral/social issues for both the men and women on campus and what changes need to be made. Cardinal Fang- you are absolutely right - women shouldn’t be the ones to address the situation, but I don’t feel he insinuated that at all. He stated that everyone there- men and women, friends and onlookers- need to open up and “raise a hand” (his words, not mine) should they see acts or behaviors that could potentially be problematic.</p>
<p>Apparently behavior at off campus housing is a problem and mentioned the 14th street area in particular as an area of concern. shoebox wrote in the UVA forum on cc:</p>
<p>“I’ve seen UVa boys do worse. I saw one yelling, threatening punches at another girl (I think girlfriend, or ex at this point) coming down the street. Someone in the other building had already called the cops by the time I saw it. There’s always punches being thrown, guys yelling at girl, guys getting in fights. Oh the joys of living behind the Corner.”</p>
<p>I wonder, what changes will be taken at UVA and other schools because of this tragedy? Will other universities follow? I’m agree with MOWC, it seems that all of these senseless acts just keep getting worse and I don’t know what can be done to reduce the chances of them reoccuring over again. Yeardley’s mom buries her on Saturday and has Mother’s Day on Sunday…gut wrenching stuff for all of us to think about.</p>
<p>I agree, but you would probably agree that as parents, whenever something bad happens, to our child or others, it is natural to run the scenario in our minds: Could this happen to my child? Is there something I could have/should have taught, or should teach, to prevent this? Sometimes the answer is yes and we get teachable moments; other times the answer is no, it’s just a risk we take by living on the planet.</p>
<p>*I don’t know that blaming LAX, UVA, Landon, or George’s parents is fair. Why are we looking to blame others for the actions of one man? *</p>
<p>Usually the actions of one person do not occur in a vacuum. When a very poor person commits a serious crime, typically people mention that the person came from a broken home, was abused, had poor role models, poor education, no hope, etc, because there is a belief that the person’s environment contributed in some way. </p>
<p>Also, we also know that abusers were sometimes abused as children (not suggesting that in this case). </p>
<p>Therefore, we KNOW that a person’s environment contributes to who they become, even if not every person who shares similar experiences commits a criminal act. </p>
<p>So, if we can look to what contributed to why others commit serious crimes, why can’t we look at what may have contributed to what this guy did?</p>
<p>In reading about this case, I just learned that Morgan Harrington’s shirt was found just a few blocks from Yeardley’s apartment. I’m not suggesting a connection, but it is a bit creepy.</p>
<p>This book may have been mentioned some pages back; however, after all this discussion, I purchased “The Gift of Fear” this afternoon. Although I just started reading it, it makes some points that would be very valuable to many people. I think it is especially valuable for young people from the suburbs who are really on their own for the first time. I will be passing it on.</p>
<p>Oh, I agree. Which is why I don’t usually support giving people lighter convictions/sentences just because of their family/social environment. People do have to be held accountable for their actions. </p>
<p>That said…Some people were having fits for the mere discussion of what might have contributed to this evil act.</p>
<p>MDmom—Gift of Fear is an excellent book…use it in trainings I provide on preventing workplace violence. Gavin De Becker also wrote Protecting the Gift, Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe, and Parents Sane which is equally powerful.</p>
<p>Some parts of this thread have made me feel physically sick to my stomach. </p>
<p>Some of you people are claiming the lacrosse culture is terrible, elite, have a superior attitude. You are also claiming the same thing to be true of elite prep schools. </p>
<p>I went to an elite prep school. I had good friends (girls & guys) who played lacrosse. Some of THE nicest boys in the entire school were on the lacrosse team. They and the girls team would do community service during their preseason trip. Many of the lacrosse players held leadership roles that were very important, such leadership roles were peer counselors and prefects. These are people that wanted to help. I am at a college where lacrosse is a very popular sport. Again, some of the guys on the lacrosse team are incredibly smart and kind young men. I was walking across campus late one night from the library to my dorm in the pouring rain and as I was leaving the library a lacrosse player I knew offered to walk me back to my dorm and gave me his sweatshirt so I wouldn’t get wet. He told me it wasn’t very smart to walk back by myself and he wanted to make sure I would be okay. </p>
<p>There have been so many slanderous things being said about the lacrosse culture and the prep school culture after this tragedy. It’s so easy for people in society to jump on a certain group and blame them for why something happened, but that’s wrong. Many of you are being very discriminatory towards these two groups. I attended a prep school, have very successful parents who have given me a life of privilege. I had a nanny. Therefore by some of your definitions I am a spoiled brat who won’t own up to things I did and just prefer to take the easy way out. Thank you for informing me of who must be and what my parents must be like.</p>
<p>But seriously, it is so unbelievably hurtful to make such assumptions about these classes of people. The lacrosse culture is so tight-knit that people from colleges as well as high schools are mourning the loss of this wonderful young woman. My high school had a moment of silence before one of their games where both teams embraced each others hands and mourned this loss. The picture someone took of it brings tears to my eyes.</p>
<p>You all need to get off of your high horses and stop being so quick to place the blame on people. It is completely out of line and rude.</p>
<p>smski - no one here has painted every elite prep school student or alum as you are suggesting. However, name a poor, urban public school that is known for its lacrosse team’s winning reputation. That’s not to say that poor, urban schools don’t have their own issues for which they are known, and yes, they often involve crimes and high drop out rates. </p>
<p>I do think several posters on this thread have also suggested that the entire team shouldn’t be punished (by being pulled from the NCAA tournaments) for the acts of one teammate. We understand that it was one person who is ultimately responsible for this young lady’s death… not a team, coach, school, parent, etc.</p>
<p>But, if you had another college-related (or high school for that matter) related activity, where many of its participants were noted to have run-ins with the law, it would be natural for outsiders to question why these students are being enabled and not being held to the same standards and expectations of the rest of the student body when it comes to punishment. </p>
<p>And I’m sorry, but doing community service as part of a mandatory thing for a group doesn’t hold much status with me. Both of my daughters were part of NHS in high school, and they were the first ones to admit that some of those students were the biggest partiers in the school. But they did community service work as mandated by the membership rules of NHS. There is so much more to a person’s character than doing community service work.</p>