Hello again.
I know how you feel about being afraid to talk to your parents about depression/anxiety.
I am also feeling depressed lately being far away from home. I feel so unhappy here and I am always thinking about my home and my family especially at night. It’s been two months already, i’ve already adjusted with work and my workmates but i’m still not happy here. I know i’m not supposed to feel this way and i have to be thankful for being where i am but i dont know why i feel so down. I also feel so lonely, even though i have friends. Lately, i’ve been feeling a kind of “emptiness” too that i cannot explain. I also haven’t been completely honest with my parents about how i feel here because i dont want them to worry about me and i dont want them to think that i am i’m grateful for feeling this way even though this is a great opportunity for me.
I’m actually in a dilemma. I was thinking about ending my program earlier, i’ve even mentioned to my parents about my plan to go home early and they told me it’s fine if i am no longer here, but i am afraid of how my other family members and relatives might react and i dont want then talking behind my back for not finishing the program i started. I also don’t want to disappoint my parents because they were so proud of me for standing and surving on my own and i just can’t bear thinking how much of a failure i will be if i quit. Whenever they ask me how i’m doing i always tell them i’m doing fine because i dont want them to be sad and to worry about me. But i also can’t imagine staying here any longer. I feel like i am losing myself to loneliness and sadness and i can’t imagine what another 6 months will be like.
I know i’m not someone to give advice, but after reading what you are experiencing i can relate to how you’re feeling. I think you should talk to your parents about going home earlier. And maybe you can open up to them about how you are really feeling so they can understand what you’re going through. (I’ll probably do the same thing too…) Also, maybe this type of thing just isn’t meant for you. I know how the “i know i shouldn’t feel this way” feeling feels like and i believe just because others in your shoes feel happy and all, it doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way too. You’re feeling what you’re feeling, i’m sure you didn’t choose to feel that way. Anyway, if you do go home early i think it can help you mentally and emotionally. Goodluck to us ??