Hi,
I’m a way I’m glad to see I’m not alone but at the same time I wouldn’t want you to feel this way. I feel it too “an emptiness that I cannot fill” I’ve made some great friends in and they are always fun to hang out with. But it doesn’t feel the same, and that “void” isn’t filled. I’ve tried to elaborate more on my anxiety with my mom, but I think she doesn’t understand. I’ve always been a very worrisome person, so I think she just thinks I’m making myself crazy.
I want to end my program early, but my parents tell me no. They keep telling me I can do it and I need to keep going. There is a tiny part of me that wants to keep going for them, but some days I just don’t want to get out of bed anymore, skipped school the other day because I just didn’t feel like it. In the end, if I wanted to I could go home early, but I would be disappointing everyone. I don’t know whats worse feeling pretty depressed for the next 5 months or disappointing my family. Every time I think about it I start crying cuz I just feel so lost.
I really love traveling, I love Japan (well, now I’ve begun to hate it because of how I’m feeling) but I see that maybe this isn’t the thing for me. My mom wrote me the other day that I have to “leave the nest” at some point. And I agree, but I think I’m just not ready. I chickened out on telling them about my depression, but I think I will write them a letter telling them how I feel here and how I’ve been struggling.
I hope you are able to talk to your parents! And I hope you find some comfort~ Good luck to us heh.