<p>I’m so glad to see all those who have assisted their kids in the college app process. Even with our help there are some mistakes in the process. (So much for the automatic unfair advantage kids with help have). But it is good to see; especially with the past thread dogging parents who helped. I also find it ironic that there are also plenty of threads from students on this board specifically asking for help. I.e. review essays, questions on apps, etc… As well as all the questions by parents asking for some form of assistance in the child/college process. Who knows; maybe all the students asking for advice and assistance are those who’s parents told them to do it themselves. I agree totally with pafather in that the goal is to prepare our kids to rise to their capabilities; yet be able to ask for assistance when needed.</p>
<p>I don’t believe in the stats about boys needing more assistance than girls. I took way too many stat classes in college. You can make any number say whatever you want it to. Also, I don’t believe in “Finite” answers. Each student is different. Each parent is different. Each teacher, gc, school, etc… is different. If you believe in this type of hypothesis, which states the majority of boys this or girls that, what makes it any more valid than when some so called expert tries to say; most blacks, most woman, most hispanics, etc… My 1st degree was in psychology; which doesn’t mean crap; but from it I have concluded that NO ONE; gender, race, origin, religion, etc… is PREDISPOSED to anything. We are all products of our environment. Any limitations we have are either purely physical (4ft person dunking a basketball on a regulation 10ft hoop); or it’s socially learned. (Barring of course any biological, genetic, or other abnormal deficiencies). </p>
<p>I’m also glad to see that I am not the only one who has made some mistakes in the apps process. Fortunately it didn’t affect the outcome of my kid’s college future. And FWIW; I’ve spent probably half as much time on my son’s college endeavors than I did with my daughter’s.</p>
<p>Hi Christcorp and all,
I was not implying anything about ALL boys etc. I just wanted to know what the ratio was for CC boys vrs girls who needed help with the college application process, perhaps because they were applying to more colleges, had to find schools that offered financial aid, were applying to music school and had to send in audition tapes as well, etc. who had more going on[ I think] than your typical HS students.[ I could be wrong about this, but I’m basing it on the “type” of students that parents on CC post about- hi SAT, top grades, lots of EC’s or EC’s they are passionate about]. And by the way, there have been plenty of scientific studies done that show males DO think differently than females.
[ I apologize if I wasn’t clear on this- I’ve had a terrible sinus infection for the past few days, haven’t gotten much sleep and am a bit fuzzy headed at this point]</p>
<p>Thanks, Timely, for this post. We’ll be doing the college thing next fall (and I say “we” without shame) as my son has been planning to take a gap year and not apply during his senior year. The tips on what not to do – and especially on managing the logistics – should be helpful.</p>
<p>I personally am not good at organization. In fact, I’m terrible at it. I pick up one piece of paper, get an idea related to something else, put that piece of paper down, start on that idea, and later see a connection to something else. I’m not ADD but I have always found thinking in a straightforward, linear way to be stifling and that extends to objects. I can do be organized if I have to, but it is tiring. My disorganization hasn’t hampered my education that much [studied at Princeton, Stanford, Harvard and was a Harvard professor where I think the ability to make connections across different fields was valuable]. In my current life as a consultant, I compensate for my disorganization. Since I was a professor, in fact, I have always hired compulsive assistants to keep me organized so that I can spend my time on the things I am best at. My current assistant not only organizes my papers but helps me think through my business trips to get the most out of them. She also helps plan my vacations and pays my bills. Is this bad? I don’t think so. In fact, I’ve learned to delegate professional and personal things to others so that I can be as effective as possible.</p>
<p>My son does not appear to be as disorganized as I am. Then again, I am not as disorganized as my father and probably am not as smart as he was – he was a brilliant theoretical physicist. Nonetheless, my son is pretty disorganized. Despite his disorganization, he is both intellectually and artistically gifted and severely dyslexic. As the result of great effort over time, at this point, he reads and writes very well but slowly and with great effort. If we can help him by providing some organizational support (which fortunately for him won’t come from me), I’d say that would be a good choice. Indeed, and pardon to Christcorp, I recently saw a summary of a study (pretty poorly done, I suspect) that concluded that dyslexics were overly represented among the ranks of entrepreneurs and were particularly good at delegating to others. For my son, learning how to delegate administrative tasks effectively on important projects would likely be a good life lesson. It is a different life lesson than others might want their kids to learn at this stage and perhaps a different life lesson than the one I’ll want my non-dyslexic daughter to learn. In sum, I think we have different lessons we want to teach our kids. For some of our kids, insisting on self-sufficiency in college applications might not teach the best lesson.</p>
<p>I was also one of those kids who loved completing apps. (Then I grew up and got to create forms and apps, among other things, for a living!)</p>
<p>Kluge, I was nailed in college by my inability to ask for help. When I started seeing DS have difficulty with that in 9th grade (at the expense of his grades), I had a visceral reaction to that and pushed him to approach teachers when he had difficulties, but also tried to make it easy for HIM to ask ME for help. I made sure he had lots of opportunities in the real world and at home to go out and ask for help (buying something at the store, filling out forms at the P.O., etc.) so that he’d internalize that he’s not going to get chewed out for asking.</p>
<p>He’s better at it than I am. Thank goodness.</p>
<p>DS loved writing his essays. He was online last night past midnight acting as a sounding board for a good friend who was still working on her essays. It was fascinating to watch him in action – asking questions, trying to bring out reactions from her, spurring her to think in different ways. I can tell he’ll be a patient teacher.</p>
<p>menloparkmom; I wasn’t referring to you personally. Just that your question is in line with the other thread “Giving Disorganized Boys the Tools for Success - New York Times”. </p>
<p>I definitely understand that boys and girls think differently. The debate however on that is still out to lunch on whether it’s because of innate biological/genetic reasons or early social upbringing. Personally, I believe that there are some innate differences between boys and girls. I personally don’t think that it’s in the areas of education. I don’t think either gender has been “Proven” to be better at math, science, memorization (My favorite) or a host of many other areas. Just because one may think “Differently” than another doesn’t make them better or worse. Same with Dr. James Watson (Pioneer of DNA) being quoted as saying blacks were less intelligent because of genetics. Of course he apologized and said it wasn’t what he meant. The same thing here. I’ve studied many of the “Tests” between male/female, adolescents/adults, western civilization/eastern civilization, and many others. There are a lot of theories and hypothesis’. I just don’t buy a lot of it. I don’t believe that boys are any more disorganized as a sex than girls are. They obviously have certain natural physical advantages just like girls have a more dexterous ability. But the same differences can be applied to left brain/right brain differences.</p>
<p>Either way, if seeing if more boys on this forum need help with their apps compared to girls interests you, maybe enough people will provide you feedback.</p>
<p>I had a friend who had to tell her son- You need to do more yourself, he was getting too dependent on her, and in a way, was losing his ability to make decision, questioning himself far too often- like- Is this in the right order, should I write about this, but it was more than just asking for advice, it was kind of like he was frozen and doubting his own opinions and judgements</p>
<p>he WAS organized, but kind of paniked a bit and she needed to not nudge, but mentally SHOVE him forward by pretty much backing off</p>
<p>she didn’t realize she was stifling him- and he was unable to assert himself</p>
<p>all was well once equalibrium was again reached</p>
<p>In general, a female human’s brain will have a thicker corpus callosum (the band of nerve fibers that connect the 2 hemispheres of the brain) than will a male’s. Could this account for a possible variation in the innate ability to organize and multi task? You’ll notice I say “innate” to make sure to allow room for learning (I do live with 2 males and must maintain hope)</p>
<p>Probably not the type of “admissions mistake” the OP intended, but thought I’d mention: A contemporary of mine, pressured by his parents to apply to the U.S. Naval Academy, decided to try to scuttle his own application. Faced with a large blank area, to answer an essay question of the sort, “Why do you want to attend the U.S. Naval Academy?” he wrote the single sentence, “I want to be a career Naval Officer.”</p>
<p>As you might expect, the admissions officers evidently liked the crisp, no-nonsense answer.</p>
<p>For the statisticians out there, would this be a Type II admissions mistake?</p>
<p>I’m with Timely. It is <em>tough</em> to be a senior’s mom as well as their Guidance Counselor! </p>
<p>We did set up an Excel file with deadline and requirements on sheet one and essay topics on sheet two. There’s no way it would have gotten done without that.</p>
<p>One mistake was typing in an 07 date for graduation on one of the GC forms instead of 08. Had to send out a correction letter - a big bother when your student is applying to a bunch of schools. I felt like an idiot - it was just after giving Poor Senior a lecture about proofreading.</p>
<p>The biggest mistake was not starting this whole process early enough. I wish I’d realize how much I’d have to do as GC as well as mom =:-O</p>
<p>I just remembered an embarrassing mistake - my fault. We moved between D’s junior and senior years. She was going to use the Common Ap, but it wasn’t out yet. But she wanted to ask for teacher recs from the school she was leaving. So after waiting for the new one for as long as we could, I printed out copies of the rec form of the previous year for her to take to her teachers. Before I did, I quickly typed in her name and address.</p>
<p>A week or two later, one of the teachers called me to ask if D’s middle name really was “Middle.” Her middle name is Melinda, and in my rush to get it done, my brain switched the words. D had to go back to her other teachers and explain what happened.</p>
<p>QuantMech, you cracked up my entire household last night with your naval officer story :)</p>
<p>Binx, when my dad served in the army, they assigned him NMN for the middle, which means “No Middle Name.” After those years, he called himself “Nimmen” for the middle.</p>
<p>It’s reassuring to realize how these mistakes can become family folklore…but only after the kid is safely placed in a college!</p>
<p>I was really happy my son would let us help him with the administrative stuff. It was a (mostly) fun family activity–especially the campus visits. I have a good friend who was so involved with her daughter’s process that she referred to “my college list”, “my applications”, etc. I thought it a little overboard, but she let go in time and all went well.</p>