Support for LateToSchool

<p>LTS, There are dozens of formal dresses on bluefly.com for at least 40% off. I seem to remember that you like black:</p>

<p>[Bluefly</a> - Find Elegant Evening Dresses at 75% savings at Bluefly.com](<a href=“http://www.bluefly.com/pages/browse/list.jsp?Nao=0&Nu=Product+ID&Ns=Popularity|0||Product+Code|1&N=1123+4294967268&Ne=10&FOLDER<>folder_id=1123]Bluefly”>http://www.bluefly.com/pages/browse/list.jsp?Nao=0&Nu=Product+ID&Ns=Popularity|0||Product+Code|1&N=1123+4294967268&Ne=10&FOLDER<>folder_id=1123)</p>

<p>I like this one:</p>

<p>[Bluefly</a> - Find Designer Cocktail Dresses, Short Evening Dresses at Bluefly.com - #2125562 - Nicole Miller black shantung bow detail cocktail dress](<a href=“http://www.bluefly.com/pages/products/detail.jsp?PRODUCT<>prd_id=2079547331&FOLDER<>folder_id=1215&N=1123+4294967268&Ne=10&Ns=Popularity|0||Product%2BCode|1&Nu=Product+ID]Bluefly”>http://www.bluefly.com/pages/products/detail.jsp?PRODUCT<>prd_id=2079547331&FOLDER<>folder_id=1215&N=1123+4294967268&Ne=10&Ns=Popularity|0||Product%2BCode|1&Nu=Product+ID)</p>

<p>LTS,
I have been out of town for the last several days and have just cruised through this thread to get an update about your bad luck. Before you totally discard everything that is damaged/ruined, please take pictures and make lists. While you may be out of luck as far as insurance, you may be able to deduct the unreimbursed loss on your tax return if you itemize. Keep records for your accountant!
Hoping your run of bad luck is at an end!</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>–Ayn Rand</p>

<p>Here is a note to LTS daughter: Not that you need something else added to your plate, but here is a gift idea for your Mom. See if you can collect some photos of her wearing the clothes that had special meaning, look online for copies of the dust jackets of the special books, sketch a cartoon of you giving LTS the perfect present, etc. It’ll be a new hobbie for you: collecting bits and pieces to make a scrapbook of those special memories for her. </p>

<p>“It’s the loss of the memories and the experiences that matter far more than the value of the material items.”</p>

<p>LTS - forget about the flooding right now. Get together with this general/POW guy and fight lung cancer together.
Why do we spend so much money on AIDS research? Who on this board is suffering from AIDS? Honestly, we have to lobby really strong for the regular cancer patient. I read many, many months ago that the funding is so short, the researchers are not even able to meet regularly for conferences. The money is too short. They ONLY meet like once or twice per year! A cancer patient can not afford it! Each one of us can be a cancer patient tomorrow!</p>

<p>LTS - I just discovered this thread today and spent hours reading through it. Once I got past the horror of what you’re dealing with, and closed my jaw, I found myself inspired by your posts.</p>

<p>You’re like my repressed inner Superwoman, taking on great battles with strength & character, & acting in ways I would want to act, but am usually too timid to accomplish. You are an excellent teacher for me. So thank you for your posts. </p>

<p>Should you ever come upon another flood (I’m a property manager of luxury homes & have walked in on several) you can WOW people with this tip: Wet paper items such as artwork, rare or valuable books, letters, manuscripts, etc., should be placed in the freezer. Freezing stops further damage. Disaster experts (libraries keep their names) can take it from there.</p>

<p>and another (this one in Canada) </p>

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</p>

<p>[The</a> Barrie Examiner - Ontario, CA](<a href=“http://www.thebarrieexaminer.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1032720]The”>http://www.thebarrieexaminer.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1032720)</p>

<p>Karen Colleges, my daughter does not know about this site, and if she did, she would think we were all barking mad. LOL. But I had sort of an epiphany last night - I went home, and thinking I needed to try to get some control of the mess, tried to go through things to sort them out and determine what might be salvaged. My daughter and I had talked earlier about my luggage set in particular; it is black, it was sitting on the floor; we talked about how I could never know if it developed mold or mildew because of the color of it, and how I could never imagine putting clean business clothing in it, ever again. Anyway, we talked, and she said maybe an upholstery cleaner? I speculated as to how my time is worth more than the effort of finding and hiring an upholstery cleaner - whatever, I went home, opened the luggage, and to my dismay found papers, more books, and more clothing just sort of thrown in there, and half of it soaking wet, half of it clean and dry, but the two mixed together, so the clean and dry stuff was icky anyway. </p>

<p>I ended up throwing all of it into the trash - the luggage and the contents. </p>

<p>Later, when I went to bed, I was laying there thinking about the luggage, and I remembered when I bought it, and what it represented to me: I was going places, literally and figuratively; I was on my way. These were the material icons that proved that I was headed into important dialog with interesting, educated people on critical topics in appropriate geographies. When my daughter and I talked earlier she reminded me of author’s inscriptions in some of the books and told me to try to dig them out of the trash and save them if I could, and, I tried not to cry when she said this, not wanting to upset her, anyway, later, last night, I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, and so I started to cry, there in bed, thinking about the loss of my stuff and what it represented in my life. </p>

<p>Once I got that out of my system, I began to realize that I wasn’t sad over the luggage or the books or anything else; I was sad, and to some extent very angry, about the cancer. The books etc. were just the catalyst I was using to send my anger elsewhere - at the landlady perhaps, who, to be sure, made some very unfortunate choices; she zigged when she should have zagged, etc., but at the end of the day, she meant well, was trying very hard, and had no malice towards me, she was just confused.</p>

<p>So I made the decision that it’s o.k. to be very angry about this, and it’s even going to be o.k. to cry, but, I have to make sure to turn this anger into a very deadly weapon, and aim it at the cancer. </p>

<p>Then, I got up this morning and decided to go through the laundry the landlady did, and, to my horror found not only black tie and formal attire laundered but also wool skirts, - just a weird smorgasbord of all sorts of clothing that should never be mixed let alone washed and dried in machines, and so then I thought, wait a minute, maybe my thinking last night was wrong…</p>

<p>What I am certain of is that negative thinking is poisonous and corrosive; it impacts who we are and what we become. Today, physically, I feel worse than I have at any point since diagnosis; it is obvious that this is as much mental and physical, and I need to get control of this. </p>

<p>ADad, thanks for that. I first read Ayn Rand’s books as a teenager, and many times since. I admire her greatly and am sorry that she died when she did, I had always hoped that she would write more. It is frustrating to read the same four books over and over again, but as long as I let several years pass between re-reading them I find I get something new out of them each time.</p>

<p>Kelowna, surely you’re aware of the economics of this. AIDS gets funding because those inflicted have done an outstanding job of advocating for themselves, and it helps that big pharma profits. </p>

<p>Lung cancer, comparatively doesn’t have the well organized advocates: most patients don’t live long enough, and/or are too sick to participate in any meaningful way. And since a significant percentage of lung cancer patients are smokers/former smokers, not only is there little sympathy, but, big pharma knows that as more and more people stop smoking, and as fewer young people are recruited to smoke, any profit they may see from developing new drugs for lung cancer will be mitigated out over time. It’s far better to invest money in research for new drugs for diseases that have a longer horizon for profit, and that are more socially acceptable.</p>

<p>On another note, many, many prayers for Senator Kennedy.</p>

<p>LTS. As I was reading your posts of the flood and your immediate losses and came to one one where you stated that you then set your damp wig on fire I laughed out loud and shook my head.That would have been it for me.That would have been the point where I stood in front of the mirror laughed till I cried tears of grief, being so totally overwhelmed at the inaneness of the entire situation and slid to the floor and wept/laughed. It is entirely, rediculously, too much for any one peron to deal with and yet there you were. Good Lord.</p>

<p>Get rid of it all. The old memories these things represented are gone and the new memories associated with them are of anger, frustration and sadness. Get rid of them and start fresh. I know easier said than done but just do it. The sooner its trashed and taken away the quicker you can let it go.</p>

<p>I love the advice from some of these women in the know. Call a favorite store and get a skilled saleswoman to shop with/for you. Pamper and spend some money on yourself and replace what you need quicky. </p>

<p>Most of all call a friend, get hugs and vent. None of us could have handled that and yet here you are…putting one foot in front of the other. Hang in there, LTS. We are all holding you up.:)</p>

<p>“and so then I thought, wait a minute, maybe my thinking last night was wrong…”</p>

<p>No, I don’t think your thinking was wrong. You don’t feel ill because you allowed yourself to cry or be angry. You feel ill because of the high level of stress you have been under this past week which does trigger physiological responses. It’s really OK to cry or be angry (psychotherapist here if that gives me any credibility) and it’s good for your health to have the occasional cry. You don’t want to stay in a constant level of unhealthy anger or negativity because that’s not good for your health either but it is OK to acknowledge being sad about your loss and being angry that you have cancer. So have your cry, be sad or angry and then do things to help yourself relax and get your body into better shape. Listen to relaxing music, surround yourself with positive people, do the things you love (which I know you are doing) and so forth. Anger can be negative but it can also move mountains when it’s the right kind. Everything worth fighting for or against – whether it’s an illness or a just social cause takes a certain kind of energizing anger a “here I stand, I can do no other” type of steeling of the will which I think you have. So channel it in a positive way, let yourself cry when it’s appropriate and take very good care of yourself so that you are calm, determined and focused. I hope I didn’t overstep.</p>

<p>^^^ thank you for that, I had one last bad moment this evening when I discovered some of my very nice summer blouses - mostly Ralph Laurens - soaking wet, thrown in a bag and stuffed next to the washer. For the last time over this matter, I simply burst into tears. I’m recovered now and there are no more lurking surprises (I checked), but, for the first time I concluded that everyone has their breaking point and this was mine. It wasn’t about the clothing but rather the callousess of the action (how could anyone do this, I wondered, I can understand being confused about what can be washed vs. dry cleaned but how can anyone do THIS), as well as the memories related to the purchases.</p>

<p>That’s it. I will waste no more time on this matter, moving on.</p>

<p>LTS, Can you please get out of that apartment? Go to a hotel, don’t sleep there again. Go back with a friend tomorrow and take whatever can be salvaged - if the summer blouses are washable they can be saved - but don’t stay any longer in that toxic environment. You need to be on a high floor, with fresh air and light.</p>

<p>LTS, I’m not a psychotherapist but here’s what I think. Our bodies have built in systems of anger and tears and laughter. We learn to override them. Mostly that’s good. But on the days when we really want to say to ourselves, OK, this, this is the point where it’s too much, at that point, if we want to turn off all override systems and just go with the native system flow, go for it.</p>

<p>Crying, raging, laughing, at this point, all good.</p>

<p>And - we are all here whether you want to wallow or move on. Your call. I will modify my mantra. Marriott, Hyatt, Hilton, Westin, Marriott, Hyatt, Hilton, Westin…</p>

<p>It’s really difficult to move right now; there are too many things in a terrible state of disarray. And I have no luggage. And I don’t feel well - actually - I feel horrible. And it seems horrible to pay for an expensive hotel when the rent has been paid out in advance (quarterly just because it’s easier, even though it’s only due monthly). </p>

<p>My appointments today didn’t go well (two cancelled, the third was yucky). I have asked some friends for help finding a new place, and, perhaps by early next week something good will happen. For sure, I will spend next weekend in a hotel, because I refuse to spend a holiday weekend like this…and the first of the month will be here soon enough…</p>

<p>LTS…here is a place I like…the Residence Inn near the Pentagon, conveniently located to Pentagon City stores… if you can stand the tour buses and you can waltz past the horrible skippable trough style free dinners…breakfast is quite nice.
Or The Topaz with the charming and sane and wholesome breakfast next door at the Tabard Inn where many locals can be seen dining and no tour buses appear, and one feels blessedly almost in a neighborhood. It would be hard to move to a hotel without luggage.
Honestly…what ever came over her re throwing dry-clean-only clothing in her washing machine…she must be a child of the depression and be very mixed up about the value of things.<br>
You were very eloquent on the subject of how this invasion of water damage felt metaphorically like another insult to your body and your well-being…surely your spring is around the corner. </p>

<p>thinking of you…while waiting for my youngest to come home from his first prom…in a few hours!</p>

<p>Oh LTS. Don’t worry. This will get better. It will.</p>

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</p>

<p>Albert Camus</p>

<p>Mixing up drycleaning and washable would be something I would do - simply because I don’t own anything drycleanable (well, very little) and it wouldn’t occur to me. What I don’t get is that she is making decisions about your stuff! Doing your laundry - touching your things - deciding which of your possessions are trash …</p>

<p>I am glad you are trying to be appreciative of her good intentions. You are kind-hearted. But could you very politely say to her something like, “I understand you have to go into MY apartment to deal with the apartment itself, but anything concerning my personal belongings I would prefer to deal with myself, and make my own decisions about what can be saved. I really appreciate your trying to help, but I am uncomfortable having others going through my stuff.”</p>

<p>I’m pretty sure that even the most clueless landlord should understand he/she has no right to be going through your stuff, ruined or not.</p>