<p>LTS, I have noticed that even in the midst of your severe challenges and chemical haze you have continued to post thoughtful, articulate comments to others in need on other forums. “Giving back” is obviously something that’s an integral part of your being. Your comments about exercise also prodded me to start making fitness a priority in my life, as reflected in my activities for the past few days. Thank you.</p>
<p>Dearest LTS: There is so much here to digest I will wait to post more quotes but as usual send love, prayers and healing energy.</p>
<p>and more</p>
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</p>
<p>[Cancer</a> News and Information - CancerWise - Nonsmokers Battle Lung Cancer, Too](<a href=“Cancerwise Blog | MD Anderson Cancer Center”>http://www.cancerwise.org/november_2007/display.cfm?id=5438be3c-b9a5-4bbb-a349f2e423e221ed&method=displayfull&color=green)</p>
<p>Binx, hang in there, and best wishes with your exercise program - you CAN do this. Hold a vision in your mind, if you will: prior to diagnosis, I was drop-dead gorgeous. As in, once, standing at an intersection waiting to cross the street, one car collided into the other as the driver couldn’t stop staring at me. Perfect figure, in great shape, long blonde hair, etc. </p>
<p>Today, I am totally bald, no eyebrows or eyelashes even, both arms black and blue bruised from various IVs and daily injections of drugs that are supporting my blood counts, and overall, in gym clothes, I do look like a very, very sick person. Various parts of my body may be swollen at different times depending on if I am on a steroid, or did I just have chemotherapy. (I can hide most this stuff under business dress thankfully.) In addition, when walking a treadmill, some of the chemotherapy drugs cause unpredictable passing of gas, which, more than once, to my great embarrassment, has forced my neighbors on the treadmills beside me to abandon their exercise or move to more distant machines. </p>
<p>Once drop-dead gorgeous, I am truly now the ugliest person in the gym. But I still go to exercise. Well- not in the past ten days, because I have been too drugged. But I am going back as soon as I possibly can. Even looking like this and sometimes inadvertently emitting unfortunate smells. I can do this. I can get through this. And you can too.</p>
<p>F.O.LTS., thank you for that. I am taking your advice today…</p>
<p>Zipyourlips, thank you for that, but, I really cannot take much credit…the truth is I think I am taking 90%, giving 10%…</p>
<p>I went for my daily shot today; the nurses told me they were blown away, astonished by how well I am holding up…they have never seen this aggressive treatment before and they are all pulling very hard for me…</p>
<p>Epistrophy, I just cannot say thank you enough…</p>
<p>LTS - I don’t know how to say this – To be able to so matter-of-factly state what was then and what is now, to humble yourself, and be humbled, and be so accepting of what has happened, and yet not be defeated by it, and to soldier on regardless, – well, I don’t have words.</p>
<p>You are the Serenity Prayer in action: “accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”</p>
<p>The ugliest person is NOT at the gym; that’s the person who is too afraid to go there because people might think less of him or her.</p>
<p>Believe me, even the people who are moving away from you are thinking “wow, she’s amazing, she just keeps going, even though the chemo is obviously difficult.” (And don’t worry, I bet lots of them have dogs and dog farts are killer. They’re used to it.)</p>
<p>I’m checking up on LTS on the computer, catching the end of We are Marshall, thinking about perserverance in the face of adversity, and crying like a baby. I should qualify…those old telephone commercials used to make me cry.</p>
<p>Also thinking about the wonderful experience you have to offer to a PA at the same time the PA is taking a little pressure out of your day. </p>
<p>Sending wings for your treadmill feet and hoping to see that you’re feeling up to it again soon.</p>
<p>LTS, despite physical appearance, there is no way that someone with such strength of character could ever be the ugliest person in any room. You’ll recover your good looks after you’ve kicked cancer’s arse, but people with ugly souls will never be beautiful.</p>
<p>Aibarr and everyone else thank you for the nice words - I’m o.k. with it, and have accepted the fact that I now look the way I do, and in fact I may deteriorate even further (I hope not, but, it’s possible.) What is, is. I do not have any hair and so on - but - I am ALIVE. </p>
<p>What I want - what I hope - is for people to go to the gym, and exercise, regardless of who else is there, how great they look, how young they are, etc. Or if a membership is not financially feasible or logistically realistic, at a minimum go for a walk around the neighborhood, grab an iPOD, make it fun.</p>
<p>latetoschool: I need your words more than you know. It’s just not possible that you are only giving 10%. </p>
<p>And beauty radiates from the soul as well.</p>
<p>I know you have made peace with your appearance, but the truly discerning will seeing your beauty.</p>
<p>And the others? Who cares.</p>
<p>I always thought that really gorgeous people can be at a disadvantage in that they attract people interested in looks.</p>
<p>Packaging is nice; the gift inside in precious.</p>
<p>We love you.</p>
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</p>
<p>William Cullen Bryant</p>
<p>latetoschool: I thought about you today as we zipped between soccer games, watching the girls help each other stretch. Wondered if you have considered Yoga as an alternative to your regular gym workout while you’re feeling not-so-good?</p>
<p>Thinking of you, LTS…</p>
<p>and another</p>
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</p>
<p>[Karen</a> Beamish](<a href=“http://www.fhcrc.org/patient/support/survivorship/profiles/beamish.html]Karen”>http://www.fhcrc.org/patient/support/survivorship/profiles/beamish.html)</p>
<p>I saw someone doing Tai Chi on the grassy median strip in Pelham Parkway, on the way to the Bronx Zoo, where S2 is doing a week of their summer program. I wonder whether this would help you, LTS? It looked quite appealing.</p>
<p>mmm…at the moment, I cannot do anything. My current treatment is chemotherapy every single week, and every other week there are three straight days of it. This chemical hit is almost overwhelming. It is all I can do to get to my shots once a day, then make it into my office, and do my work. Getting up from my desk to go to down the hall to the bathroom - and back - takes an extraordinary effort.</p>
<p>It isn’t any particular physical symtom; it’s more a combination of chemical soup, or at least that’s what I think. Thankfully, there is no nausea, coughing, and the shortness of breath has eased just a bit - I can tell it’s from the almost overwhelming struggle, not from cancer. And there isn’t any pain, either, oddly. But at the moment it takes all I have just to get through this…so…the concept of being able to due yoga or something like that is just simply way outside of my ability right now.</p>
<p>But even in the best of health, I am a total clumsy klutz, and would have trouble holding yoga positions. I am o.k. with simple things like weights and treadmills but if it requires grace, balance, etc., I probably cannot do it. </p>
<p>The biggest problem I seem to be having right now is with food. I am highly sensitive to stuff - for example, before diagnosis, if I were to eat something such as a McDonald’s hamburger, I would actually get what I would call a “fat hangover” from it. I could actually feel my heart start to beat faster, etc. And of course, I can get very drunk off of just a couple of sips of wine. </p>
<p>Today, with this new chemotherapy regime, I am having difficultly finding foods to eat that do not hit me weirdly. Too much sugar, too much sodium and I start to not feel so well. I am trying to keep my foods bland and at the same time eat as much as comfortable…I actually snack on crackers during the night, and drink Boost, but, I need more calories…no loss of weight yet but I do need to make sure this doesn’t happen. </p>
<p>I am eating lots of eggs (I love eggs); need to make sure I keep this stuff balanced…</p>
<p>Corranged, I meant to come back to tell you that I appreciated your post very much, and to thank you for it…I did read it last night and it meant a lot to me.</p>
<p>Mythmom, thank you…</p>
<p>LTS:</p>
<p>There are many books about diet for those undergoing chemotherapy. Have you looked through some of those? They might provide some inspiration (maybe how to make eggs many different ways?)</p>