Support for LateToSchool

[soozievt]

<p>LTS…your doctor sounds like someone you can believe in and that is quite essential. He appears on top of things and that’s what you want. Take care…</p>

[ADad]

<p>

I refuse…I refuse…I refuse…I refuse…I refuse…

</p>

<p>It was thrilling for me to read these words of great spirit and determination!</p>

[binx]

<p>God bless you today, LTS.</p>

[tobia_e]

<p>

This is the support for YOU thread, and whatever bits of comfort, hope, joy, comraderie, etc., that are expressed are for your benefit.

</p>

<p>Well said, Karen.</p>

<p>I’m sorry for the scary news but glad that your new oncologist seems every bit as determined and intelligent as you. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you!</p>

[teriwtt]

<p>

As to the church, my friend and I talked, and we will join. We’re a bit confused as to how to actually join a church (“do we just show up with our catholic credentials and we’re automatically “in”??” my friend wonders).

</p>

<p>I would visit the church’s website; if it’s a big enough church, they will have information on becoming a member; sometimes it involves a short series (2-4 of classes); however, given your situation, PLEASE call and ask for the name of either the associate pastor/visitation minister, or person in charge of pastoral care. When you speak with whoever that person is, explain your situation, that you visited this last Sunday, and were incredibly moved and wish to join immediately if possible. I would share with this person (who will be held to confidentiality) that you have a serious illness, and limited energy resources, but wish to benefit from all they have to offer. </p>

<p>I remember 15 years ago, when I was going in for potential cancer surgery (thyroid, but thankfully it wasn’t cancer), and was in transition of leaving the Catholic church. So my priest (who I’d gotten to know over several years) knew about my illness, and called and left a message to stop by my house to bring communion. In the meantime, I had begun dialogue with a female pastor at a Lutheran church about what they were about. At the end of our first meeting (she came to my house), she gave me a book to read, and I told her I’d have plenty of time to read it as I would recovering from surgery. She immediately engaged me in the health issues I was going through, and asked if she could come visit me in the hospital - and the major medical center I was having the surgery at was 50 miles away, but she wanted to come. Needless to say, guess which church I ended up joining… not right away, because she encouraged me to look around and not take this conversion lightly. I never heard a word from the priest at our parish after my surgery - granted with the huge priest shortage, most of them just don’t have the time to do pastoral care like most other churches do.</p>

<p>I guess this is my long-winded way of saying to please give this new church a chance, but be cautious; you’re very vulnerable right now, but be open to those who are trained to walk you through the process of leaving the Catholic church. Most people have NO idea the anger, guilt, resentment, sadness involved in leaving the Catholic church. It is never a decision made overnight, and is often painful on many levels. But you have to do what you have to do to grow spiritually, and feel God’s presence in your life.</p>

[Alumother]

<p>You made the right choice of doctor LTS. That is important. Good job, but not surprising.</p>

<p>And if you spend even one minute worrying about not answering all our posts we will have to do something extremely silly, um, but I can’t think what:).</p>

[CountingDown]

<p>Alumother,
Bring out the dancing marmots? LTS, As always, there are folks here who are so much wiser than I. But I am thinking of you, and grateful that your dr. is on his game with your care. That must be a relief after the cat-and-mouse games of the past month or two.</p>

[Faline2]

<p>Hi Late to School
So glad your doctor is committed and prone to being exacting. Now we are talking. And your offeratory story with your equally strung-out and not-feeling-well-at-all friend was priceless. Instructive, weirdly Garcia Marquez wonderful, comical, evidence of things unseen…to find so many trusting souls in your village…I mean smack dab in a major city house of worship. You know you are living when you can be this surprised! You know you are in a house of worship when…the keys to the offeratory are handed to you along with the welcome.</p>

[mafool]

<p>LTS, I believe your first step in exploring how to and whether to join the church is to meet with the priest, who will know what to do next. And as said before, above, I, too suggest that you be forthcoming with him or her about your health. You may request that the information be held in confidence: goes with the job!</p>

[neumes]

<p>LTS, of course you can always just go for a while to see if it fits, without talking to anyone. And even if you would like to talk to the clergy there’s no need to join right away. In fact, we’ve been attending/giving money to/doing huge amounts of volunteering at our E church for 7 years or so but have not formally joined because my H doesn’t quite want to let go of being able to take communion with his parents on occasion. Episcopal offers communion to all of the baptized (but no one checks or asks, or cares for all I know!) but of course Catholic does not. Of course, one could easily consider us NOT “Catholics in good standing” at all, which does give H a small twinge of guilt (not me). Hypocritical? Perhaps, but also H being respectful of his devout parents. Anyway, it works just fine for the E church, because we give plenty in terms of time and a reasonable amount in terms of money. And they have our sons, who sing for everyone.</p>

[epistrophy]

<p>

It seems that Advent couldn’t come soon enough this year for Father Daniel Kelly, pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM) Parish here.</p>

<p>Usually in fit, tip-top shape, Father Kelly’s body had been fighting an ultra-rare form of lymphoma. After eight months of treatment, the diocesan priest was worn out from the ravages of the punishing chemotherapy. The treatment left him with intense headaches and nausea. It also robbed him of his strength, his appetite, his sense of taste and his hair.</p>

<p>Instead, it was as if Father Kelly this year had suffered through the Passion of Christ on the cross of Holy Week as his body fought off the cancer that threatened his physical existence.</p>

<p>“Since being diagnosed with lymphoma in January, it’s been a walk in the park - a walk in Central Park at midnight,” quipped Father Kelly, who spent 85 days this year hospitalized at Hackensack Medical Center. If the grueling treatments weren’t tough enough, he had to endure a series of other complications - a high fever, infection and a collapsed lung.</p>

<p>Some people call Father Kelly’s brand of “funny” gallows humor. But the 56-year-old priest isn’t making light of his serious medical condition. He’s trying to make a devastating diagnosis seem, well, less grave. It keeps his sanity, and his spirits, high as he faces the unknown.</p>

<p>“I keep people laughing and me laughing. Humor has lifted me though this. I think God laughs too,” said an unusual jolly Father Kelly as he sat down with The Beacon last week for an interview. “There are two ways to live - lie down and die or get up and start living. I chose to live.”</p>

<p>Two months before Advent, a time of anticipation, doctors told Father Kelly news he’d been waiting for - the cancer is in remission. Advent has come early for the priest, who today has regained most of his strength and is able to say Mass again. His hair is coming back, evidenced by the short silver crew cut covering his scalp. His appetite and taste have also returned.</p>

<p>“I’ve lived Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter in this past few months,” said Father Kelly, whose body mustered up the strength to withstand seven rounds of severe chemotherapy treatments. “I’ve seen miracles, the Cross of Christ and the Resurrection - a lessening of fears and doubts. I will not let the cancer win. Then that means the cross wins.”</p>

<p>Father Kelly said his grave illness has driven home to him the Advent message - “To live and love in the moment in the presence of Christ and to be open to love from others.”</p>

<hr>

<p>Father Kelly is keenly aware his cancer - as many cancers do - could return. More punishing chemotherapy. More waiting. More threats to his very survival. If that’s what the future holds, the priest says he’s ready to face it - with God.</p>

<p>“Sure, I fear that the cancer will come back,” he said. “But fear and faith are not opposites. Look at the fear of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (where he was arrested). It’s about conquering your fear, not getting rid of it.”</p>

<p>But the wiry priest still holds out great hope for the future. The longest cancer survivor who has undergone his type of treatment has lasted five years - so far.</p>

<p>Father Kelly picked up the “cross” of his cancer diagnosis this past January. Doctors hit him with the bad news - he had a rare form of lymphoma, blastic mantle cell non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Few cancer patients have any type of blastic mantle lymphoma. It’s so rare that of the ones who do, only about 10 percent have Father Kelly’s type of cancer.</p>

<p>“I’m a Type-A personality, who likes to take control. I was resolved to get the best people possible to treat this disease,” said Father Kelly, who initially went to the doctors in November 2005 for what he thought was a persistent sinus infection. He already had some experience with cancer in his family; his mother, Norma, died of it in 1994.</p>

<p>Father Kelly read everything on his type of lymphoma he could - in books and on the Internet. He confided in many of his priest friends, among them Msgr. Raymond Kupke, pastor of Holy Family Parish, Florham Park, and diocesan archivist/historian, and Msgr. George Hundt, pastor of St. Anthony Parish, Hawthorne, and diocesan clergy personnel director.</p>

<p>While undergoing testing to determine the type of cancer, Father Kelly didn’t tell his congregation. Yet he looked ill. The priest had lost 20 pounds. A more than 4-inch- wide tumor, which had developed in his throat, was protruding from his neck.</p>

<p>Not to mention that Father Kelly had suddenly become short of breath. He worried that the tumor, which was closing off his windpipe, would suffocate him as he drank water or slept. So he slept upright in a chair at night. He had become so exhausted that he said only two Masses at Christmas last year.</p>

<p>Finally, after the diagnosis came in, Father Kelly told the IHM faith community on Jan. 16, just days before he was to start the first round of chemotherapy. It was the 10:30 a.m. Mass. Bishop Serratelli concelebrated to show his support for his brother priest who was seriously ill.</p>

<p>“There was stunned silence,” he said. “I thanked the congregation for their home remedies, like chicken soup. But I told them that those won’t solve the problem. I said I would not be visible for some time and asked for prayers and continued support.”</p>

<hr>

<p>In Father Kelly’s harrowing story of illness and recovery (so far), God comes out the hero, walking with the priest on his journey. But there’s another hero - the IHM faith community. After the rounds of treatment, he would move in with a parish family, unable to care for himself in the rectory. Also an army of drivers was at the ready each day to transport him to Hackensack for daily immunity shots.</p>

<p>“The people were powerfully supportive. They were the visible face of God with their compassion and concern,” said Father Kelly, who also acknowledged the concern of people from all over the diocese. He said he received 800 cards and countless phone calls.</p>

<p>Because the chemotherapy had lowered his immunity, Father Kelly couldn’t say Mass often because of the crowds. But his hospitalizations never kept him too far away from the affairs of IHM. Every day, he was in contact with the parish staff, still keeping abreast of parish goings-on and making important decisions.</p>

<p>“The phones were buzzing. Father Dan knew everything that went on,” said Irene Mancini, one of the parish secretaries. “Father Dan was anxious. He was concerned about us here at IHM and we were concerned about him. We told him that we were praying for him. That consoled him a bit.”</p>

<p>Father Kelly needed that feeling of support to endure his chemotherapy treatments at Hackensack, he jokingly refers to the hospital as the “Hackensack Hilton.” But no joke - he would spend up to seven days in the hospital for each round.</p>

<p>“I loved the oncology nurses. They are upbeat and radiate God’s presence,” the priest said. “When they were putting the shunt (a tube that delivers the medication) in my chest, it was painful. One nurse got on her knees next to my bed, held my hand and said, ‘Look into my eyes. You’ll get through it,’” he said.</p>

<p>During chemo, Father Kelly suffered other side effects too, such as an annoying “pins and needles” numbness in his limbs. He also lost his eyebrows, eyelashes and hair. The priest suffered digestive problems, which led to more weight loss. This also was due to his loss of appetite and sense of taste. Again his humor prevailed - “I would ask, ‘Am I having crunchy cardboard or mushy cardboard today?’”</p>

<hr>

<p>“An illness like Father Dan’s is tough and scary. We are challenged to listen to Jesus’ words ‘Be not a afraid,’” said Msgr. Hundt, who visited Father Kelly in Hackensack several times. “Father Dan approached the illness as a man of faith. He tried to discern the Lord’s will and his presence in all this. He is courageous,” he said.</p>

<p>During the course of his treatment, Father Kelly was forced to make four unscheduled visits to the “Hackensack Hilton.” He had endured other complications - a collapsed lung, a low white-blood-cell count and a 104.5-degree fever.</p>

<p>“I have a simple faith. I wasn’t praying to be cured. Instead, the miracle was - how did I get to the No. 1 hospital and the best doctor in the country for my type of cancer and how did I meet these wonderful nurses and others along the way?” said the priest, who chronicled much of his ordeal in his columns in the parish bulletin. “I believe that God is a partner on the journey. He holds your hand through whatever is,” he said.</p>

<hr>

<p>“An illness like Father Dan’s helps put everything into perspective - what’s important in life. We shouldn’t get caught up in all the small stuff,” Msgr. Hundt said. “It also reminds us that we are called to be there for one another.”

</p>

<p>[Priest’s</a> cancer drives home Advent message: ‘Love in Christ’s presence’](<a href=“http://www.patersondiocese.org/page.cfm?Web_ID=2020]Priest’s”>http://www.patersondiocese.org/page.cfm?Web_ID=2020)</p>

[tobia_e]

<p>LTS:
Here’s an article/blog of a man diagnosed in May 2005 with stage 4 NSLC at age 22. He’s appears to be alive, kiicking, and spirited to this day. He is also a neversmoker with no relatives who smoked and no family history of lung cancer.</p>

<p>

Dan feels blessed for the love and support he has received, especially from his immediate family, and wants to do everything he can to help the cancer community. Dan believes that the college cancer community is extremely neglected in terms of support and wants to help those that occupy the dual role of cancer survivor and college student as he once did. Furthermore, lung cancer needs to receive more awareness and funding. The myth that people bring this awful disease upon himself or herself needs to be busted!

</p>

<p>[The</a> Official Site of The National Collegiate Cancer Foundation - History](<a href=“http://www.collegiatecancer.org/content/view/14/32/]The”>http://www.collegiatecancer.org/content/view/14/32/)</p>

[Cressmom]

<p>LTS, my D is participating at the Wash U Relay for Life and doing the luminaries of hope for those family members and friends that had cancer and for those fighting it, I would like to ask your permission to do one for you, because you has been an inspiration and hope for many reading your thread.</p>

[latetoschool]

<p>Cressmom, thank you so much for asking, I would be honored…</p>

[epistrophy]

<p>An excerpt:</p>

<p>

Adversity doesn’t always bring out the best in people. But the reason it so often does is because adversity forces us to work within tightly drawn limits. Everything within those limits is heightened. We receive as gifts things we tend to take for granted. For a brief, blessed time, what matters to us most really does matter.</p>

<p>Yet, how do we respond, when we get a terminal sentence? Far too often with, “What did I do to deserve this?”</p>

<p>“Nothing.” The answer is, “Nothing.” Against unimaginable odds, we have been given something that we didn’t deserve at all, the gift of life, with death as our birthright.</p>

<p>Unless we armor our hearts, we cannot protect ourselves from loss. We can only protect ourselves from the death of love. Yet without love, nothing matters. Break your life into a million pieces and ask yourself what of any real value might endure after you are gone. The pieces that remain will each carry love’s signature. Without love, we are left only with the aching hollow of regret, the haunting emptiness where love might have been.</p>

<hr>

<p>In face of a terminal diagnosis, the question to ask is not “Why?” by the way. “Why?” will get us nowhere. The only question worth asking is ‘Where do we go from here?” And part of its answer must include the word “together."

</p>

<p><a href=“http://allsoulsnyc.org/publications/sermons/fcsermons/Love-and-Death.pdf[/url]”>http://allsoulsnyc.org/publications/sermons/fcsermons/Love-and-Death.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>[All</a> Souls NYC | Who We Are](<a href=“http://allsoulsnyc.org/whoweare/ministers/forrest.htm]All”>http://allsoulsnyc.org/whoweare/ministers/forrest.htm)</p>

<p>[All</a> Souls New York City](<a href=“http://allsoulsnyc.org/]All”>http://allsoulsnyc.org/)</p>

[epistrophy]

<p>P.S. If you’re having difficulty linking to the above sermon from the first of the above links, go here - [All</a> Souls NYC | Sermons](<a href=“http://allsoulsnyc.org/publications/sermons/fcsermons/fcsermonshome.htm]All”>http://allsoulsnyc.org/publications/sermons/fcsermons/fcsermonshome.htm) - then click on “Love and Death” (2/3/08).</p>

[epistrophy]

<p>

When Rabbi Douglas Kohn was treated for cancer several years ago, he found few resources in the Jewish domain for living with the disease.</p>

<p>“I imagined a book written by rabbis who had had cancer or were dealing with cancer,” said Kohn, a Redlands resident who has been rabbi of Congregation Emanu El in San Bernardino since 2001.</p>

<p>His imagination led to the December publication of “Life, Faith and Cancer: Jewish Journeys through Diagnosis, Treatment and Recovery.”</p>

<p>Kohn was the book’s editor and wrote one of its chapters. Other Jewish religious leaders who have been through experiences like his own also contributed chapters.</p>

<p>Kohn’s 2004 diagnosis was metastatic papillary thyroid cancer, which was treated with a radical neck dissection at Loma Linda University Medical Center, followed by radioactive iodine treatments, a second surgery a year later and check-ups every six months.</p>

<p>“All of us who have had this experience undergo a life-affecting transition and must adapt to and live with the changes that follow,” Kohn said.</p>

<p>During a month of study in Israel the summer after his initial treatment, Kohn broached the topic of a book with other rabbis. The response was positive, so he and two colleagues wrote sample chapters, which were submitted as a book proposal to an editor at the Union for Reform Judaism Press. The project was approved in spring 2006.</p>

<p>A search began throughout the national rabbinic community for more Jewish leaders willing to write chapters, Kohn said.</p>

<p>“Some declined or were too sick to participate, while others found it a privilege to ponder the meaning of their cancer experiences,” he said.</p>

<p>In the end, 18 colleagues wrote chapters. The number 18, which means life, is propitious in the Jewish religion, Kohn said.</p>

<p>He divided the book’s 19 chapters, including his own chapter and introduction, into sections dealing with diagnosis, treatment and recovery.</p>

<p>“Each section has six or seven chapters, in which each contributor tells their own story,” Kohn said. “Each uses Jewish text and teaching, from Talmud to Torah, from Midrash (Jewish commentaries) to poetry.”</p>

<hr>

<p>Although group members communicated mostly through e-mails and phone calls, they developed an intimacy as the writing and editing process evolved, Kohn said.</p>

<p>"When we would ask each other ‘How are you?,’ it was different from the usual ‘How are you?,’ " he said.</p>

<hr>

<p>Kohn’s chapter is titled “Why Me?” which he believes is a classic response to a cancer diagnosis. In mathematics, a problem is dissolved by the answer, Kohn said. With disease, however, the problem is not mathematical, he said.</p>

<p>“With cancer, there is no answer and the problem remains,” he said. “So we need to have responses, not answers.”</p>

<p>The responses involve altering behavior and relationships to allow people to live with the challenge, Kohn said.</p>

<p>"Because it is me, the question then becomes ‘Why not me?’ and ‘What of me?,’ " he said.</p>

<p>Kohn believes that he and the book’s other contributors have transformed themselves through their experiences into better rabbis and better people.</p>

<p>“It is a good fortune we wish we had never had, but we are lucky to be survivors who can translate survivorship into service,” he said.</p>

<p>Having read the book through several times since its publication, Kohn believes that it works for both rabbis and lay people of all faiths.</p>

<p>“It is a book of Jewish journeys but is largely universal,” he said. “It lets you know that you are not alone.”</p>

<hr>

<p>As principal researcher on three earlier books, Kohn said he always thought he would write a book of his own some day.</p>

<p>“I never thought that this would be the book,” he said, “but sometimes we respond to the gaps in the world that we encounter.”

</p>

<p>[San</a> Bernardino rabbi co-authors book on cancer experiences | Riverside | PE.com | Southern California News | News for Inland Southern California](<a href=“http://www.pe.com/localnews/religion/stories/PE_News_Local_B_brabbi21.321138d.html#]San”>http://www.pe.com/localnews/religion/stories/PE_News_Local_B_brabbi21.321138d.html#)</p>

<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Life, Faith, and Cancer: Rabbi Douglas J. Kohn: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Life-Faith-Cancer-Rabbi-Douglas/dp/0807410594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204202678&sr=1-1]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Life-Faith-Cancer-Rabbi-Douglas/dp/0807410594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204202678&sr=1-1)</p>

[epistrophy]

<p>

I’ve been a practising Zen Buddhist for decades. I think that’s influenced my attitude, because in a funny way I don’t regret the [prostate] cancer at all. It’s made my life more real, though it’s a strange kind of life, fighting off your condition and living your life in three month spans, always waiting for the next funny little set of decimal points.

</p>

<p>[CANCERactive</a> : Prostate cancer - Ken Jones - Taking control of prostate cancer](<a href=“http://www.canceractive.com/page.php?n=1534]CANCERactive”>http://www.canceractive.com/page.php?n=1534)</p>

[ADad]

<p>

If you are going through hell, keep going.

</p>

<p>-Churchill</p>

[NYMomof2]

<p>LTS, How are you feeling?</p>