<p>I’m getting counseling for the depression, so no worries there. It was at counseling that I realized there were more forces at work than simply depression. I have a lot of stuff that hasn’t been resolved and it is interfering with my performance. I also believe that the shock of transitioning from a 4.0 honors student to a 2.5 average student played a part in throwing me off. </p>
<p>I was actually failing African Studies, but here’s why:
My week begins with studying for Physics. The homework assignment is due every Wednesday and I can’t complete the assignment without reading the chapter and working practice problems from the book (we get penalized for wrong answers and can’t reset the problems to try again, which makes sense). I spend all day Monday reading for Physics, then stay up almost all night studying for Calc because I have a quiz every Tuesday. That means I don’t get time to read for African Studies. If we have a quiz or an exam the next day, I’m screwed because my professor asks questions about the readings and they aren’t multiple choice. I have class until 6:45pm on Tuesday, so I’d pick one class (usually Physics, and I see that was a poor decision now) to study for all night. Meanwhile, I haven’t read for Engineering and my homework set hasn’t been touched. Wednesday comes and chances are I’m still too confused to finish all of the Physics homework problems. They’d literally take 1-2 hours each to complete, so it’s not like I could rush through them. I guess someone is about to say, “With all that studying, you should’ve been able to understand the chapter by now.” Not when I’m behind by one chapter. All that time is spent trying to get caught up. I fell behind at the beginning of the semester when we started using the kinematics equations and it basically turned into a snow ball-effect. Thursday is spent trying to understand what was discussed in Calc, which naturally won’t make sense because I haven’t read all week. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are spent cramming for Engineering so I can do the homework. By Sunday I only have about 3 or 4 out of the 6 problems done and not everything is correct. Monday morning the cycle starts over.</p>
<p>Looking back, I see tons of problems: time management, lack of sleep, and study habits to name a few. I was miserable not because everything was hard, but because I couldn’t figure out how to break the cycle I was in. I used practically every resource my school offered and something went wrong with each one. I had a Physics tutor that was actually a Math major and couldn’t remember the topics I wanted to review. I tried forming a study group countless times and my requests were always ignored. I joined someone else’s study group, but rather than review the lecture notes like I thought they would they just rocketed through the homework problems and I’d leave just as confused as I was when I arrived. I regularly attended discussion groups for Physics, Calc, and Engineering (they were mandatory anyway). My Physics group was more focused on finishing early than understanding the concepts. My Calc group only helped if I had read before coming, but I rarely had a chance to do that because I was busy trying to understand Physics and I was in the same situation for my Engineering group. I went to my Physic’s professor’s office hours, but she usually fussed at me for not understanding the lecture. </p>
<p>While it sounds like I had absolutely no idea of what was going on in each class, I actually did have some understanding. I didn’t know everything, but I new enough to sort of follow along. I liked what I was learning and wanted to understand more, so I’d keep studying and trying to do problems. I’ll admit it takes me longer to understand something, but once I do it never goes away. I don’t see that as a reason to keep me from being an Engineer. And I absolutely will not switch to Business or other non-scientific field because it’s easier. If I like it and want to know more about it, I’ll study it and I don’t care for Business or anything else outside of science. I think MSE will be different BECAUSE I’m figuring out what caused problems with Chem E and coming up with a better plan.</p>